Introduction to 006 Part 2
Crono and Marle were the first ones into the castle (since the others were still outside helping Frog).
"Ah, Marle, Crono," King Guardia said as they walked in, "Um, where are the others? You two haven't been..."
Frog and Lucca walked in, "Crono and Marle, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G," Lucca started singing. A lighting bolt came from the sky (ceiling) toward Lucca, but turned at the last possible second, and struck Frog.
Crono leaned over to Marle and whispered, "See that? Even your dad thinks I'm hot." Marle sucker punched him again. So, they all went upstairs. And who was waiting for him? . . . . . .No, I'm asking you. OK, I'll make something up then.
OK, it was Dalton, and when they came in Dalton laughed, "Mua ha ha! I am the reason for this story! I am...The Villain!" They all gasped in horror, "But wait! I'm not the only evil thing in this one...I have...THIS!" He whipped out a large, angry looking metallic device covered in duct-tape covered wires.
"Nooooo! Why?! Oh why-y-yyyyyy?!" Marle sobbed.
"Don't panic until you know what this is," Dalton rolled his eyes, "Anyway, this is just my toothbrush, I'll be right back, don't go anywhere." And he left.
"Should we leave? Or set a trap or something?" Lucca said.
"Oh why me?!" Marle was still sobbing, "What did I ever do?!"
"Somebody shut her up," Magus sighed.
"Maybe we should just wait for him, I mean, we can take him out right?" Crono shrugged.
"Oh please! Not me! Take the frog! He's worthless!" Marle was still sobbing. Frog looked hurt.
"Anyway," Crono was obviously ignoring Marle by now, "I think we should at least be ready to fight."
"I'm back!" Dalton called from the hall, "You haven't been plotting against me have you?"
"How do you keep getting past the guards?" Frog said, then looked worried that something might hurt him (what gives him that idea I do not know).
"Well, anyway, I have the REAL evil device now," Dalton said as he walked into the room.
Then he pulled out an even angrier, even more metallic, and even more wrapped up in duct-tape covered wires.
"NOOOOOOO!" Marle wailed.
"What's wrong with her?" Dalton said.
"Help me-e-eeeee," she sobbed.
"Oh you are BEYOND help honey," Lucca said.
"Anyway, about the bigger angrier more metallic more duct-tape wire wrapped machine, I call it...the Poofer! Bum bum bummmm, dramatic reverb."
"The 'Poofer,'" Lucca giggled, "So, what does 'The Poofer' do"
"Well," Dalton started to explain, "When the beam hits you, it quickly breaks up you cells, and makes a pleasant 'Poof' sound, thus the name 'The Poofer.'"
He leveled 'The Poofer' at Crono and cackled, "Now! To eliminate the pest! Mua ha ha ha!"
He fired at Crono. A blue beam shot from the machine straight towards Crono...but turned at the last possible second and hit Frog.
Dalton stared at the thing for a minute and said, "Well, it still has a few bugs to work out." Suddenly the machine went off! It sent another blue beam towards Dalton's face! But it turned again, and can you guess who it hit? That's right, it hit Frog.
At this time, I would like to say that Frog did NOT 'poof' the first time, nor did he the second time. Due to Frog's incredibly resilient skin, he was (virtually) un-harmed by the blasts, or any blast that he may have endured during this story.
"Okay, see, what I'm going to do now, is go home and work on this thing, and then I'll come and kill ya. How's that?" Dalton smiled cheerfully.
"Um, okay, see you later," Crono said sounding confused.
"That was weird," Robo said.
"Ouchie," Frog squeaked.
Marle got up and brushed some dirt off of her pants, "Yes, I believe that I kept perfect control over myself. True, I was afraid, but, I feel that I did not display this fear too obviously." Ayla burst out in laughter.
"Well," Crono said, "Maybe we should get out of here before Dalton fixes the bugs in 'The Poofer,'"
"We could use the Epoch to go somewhere that he wouldn't," Marle suggested.
"Home?" Ayla smiled. So they all went to the Epoch. When they were all piled in Crono punched it to 65,000,000 BC They landed somewhere outside Ayla's hut. They all piled out of the Epoch.
Crono looked around, "He shouldn't be able to get us here."
Suddenly a thunder-like rumbling could be heard in the distance, and Ayla ran.
"What is that?" Robo asked cautiously.
Then, a monstrously huge dinosaur came out of the dense woods.
"RRRROOOOOOOAAAAAAARRR!!!" it roared.
Everyone screamed, "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Then the giant beast reared it's vile head back, and champed down on Frog. Frog's muffled screams came from the dinosaurs mouth, then his throat, then his stomach. The dinosaur laughed and walked off.
Ayla came back when the dinosaur left, "Where frog?"
"The dinosaur ate him," Magus said.
Ayla looked shocked, "That piece of s*** mother f***er is mine!" she screamed and then ran into the woods.
"That was interesting," Marle said.
Crono leaned over to talk to Marle, "See? Even that dinosaur was checking me out."
"IT WAS THINKING OF EATING YOU!!" Marle screamed at him.
"Oh, you're just jealous," Crono retorted. Marle punched him in the stomach, again.
Anyway, after a few minutes of waiting around (and Crono struggling to breathe) Ayla came stamping out of the woods, with Frog in a bag and the dinosaur dragging behind her.
"Lunch," she said and slid the dinosaur in front of the Crono. She plopped down on the ground and prepared to eat Frog.
"Aren't there any McDonnell's or Burger Kings or anything around here?" Lucca said optimistically.
"Nope," Crono said, "Now light a fire, I'm roasting this thing." So they started a fire and Crono got to carving the dinosaur, just as Ayla got to carving Frog. Then he woke up and Ayla went off to sulk.
Soon everyone had gotten a chance to eat a good helping of roasted dinosaur. Everyone was stuffed.
Lucca belched, "Oh, man," Crono gasped, "I think you need a mint...like now."
"I have tic-tacs," Robo offered.
"I hate those things," Lucca said then belched again.
"Freeze fools!" someone yelled from the woods. Dalton leaped out of the bushes carrying the biggest, most metallic, angriest, most duct-tape wire wrapped machine anyone had ever seen.
"OH WHY?!" Marle yelled then hit the ground sobbing.
"And what do you call this monstrosity?"
"This, is the 'Poofer Plus!'" Dalton yelled, "But not only does it disintegrate people, it also has a refreshing peppermint smell!"
"NOOOOO!!!!!" Marle wailed.
"HA HA HA HA!" Dalton cackled, then fired at Crono! Can we guess who it hit? That's right, it hit Frog. Frog 'poofed' into a blackened image of his former self.
"Hmm," Crono said, "It does smell kinda minty."
"YES!" Dalton yelled, "Isn't it sinister? AHH HA HA HA!" Then he ran off into the woods.
"Okay," Crono said, "Get Frog into a bag, we're going home." So they put Frog's ashes into a duffel bag and threw him into the trunk of the Epoch.
"I didn't know the Epoch had a trunk," Crono said as he slid into the pilot's seat.
"Oh yeah, I added when Marle was sobbing," Lucca replied.
"Which time?" Magus said smiling.
"I also put in AC," Lucca said, proud of herself.
"Oh yeah, I can't tell you how many times I've said to myself, 'Self? It is so hot in this void that exists between times, why can't somebody with an IQ over 146, someone like Lucca, put in AC so I don't sweat so much in the instant that we are in this large metallic bird,'" Robo said sarcastically.
"I didn't know robots could sweat," Marle said.
"And I bet you thought all robots always said, 'Hello Dave' to everyone they meet," Crono said to Marle.
"You mean they don't?" Lucca said with one eyebrow raised.
Crono sighed and pushed the ignition button. The Epoch only sputtered.
"Oh yeah, I forgot to give you the keys," Lucca dug into her pocket and pulled out a key ring with at least 30 keys on it.
"Which key?" Crono asked looking timidly at the angry mess of keys.
"The GMC one," Lucca said.
"I thought this was a Chevy," Marle said looking for identifying marks on the Epoch.
"No, I was pretty sure it was a Ford," Crono said as he put the GMC key into the ignition.
"Why can't we have a DeLorien?" Magus asked, "Like in 'Back to the Future."
Crono rolled his eyes and started up the Flux Capacitor. They took off and were soon in another time. But it wasn't their home. They were in a smoky city on an overcast day. Below them, there were a bunch of kids playing a game that involved a stick, a white ball, and four white squares arranged in a diamond.
After most of the kids left Crono landed the Epoch in a nearby alley. "Hey!" Crono called after one of the kids.
"Yeah, what's up?" the kid said when Crono called him. The kid was wearing a pair of baggy denim jeans, a black T-Shirt, and a backwards red hat.
"Woah," the kid stared at Frog, "That is one big Frog. I think it's time for a major game of frog ball." He lifted the stick he was carrying and sent Frog flying.
"No!" Ayla shouted and ran after Frog.
"What's wrong with cave lady?" the kid asked.
"She wanted to eat the frog," Magus said.
"Woah," the kid laughed, "I made her lose her lunch."
"Anyway, that frog's name was Frog," Crono explained, "My name's Crono, this is Marle, Lucca, Robo, Magus, and that cave lady was Ayla."
"Cool to know you," the kid said, "My name's Chuck. I like your hair."
"Will you help us find Frog before Ayla does?" Crono asked Chuck.
"Okay." And they were off, especially Chuck.
"Nothing keep going." So they kept going. Soon the came to a large area that greatly contrasted the rest of the city. It was a wooded area with nice green fields, zoos, ponds, and pretty much anything else in the middle.
"This is Central Park," Chuck said, "I think I see the frog over there, in the pond." And sure enough, there was Frog. And Ayla was on the shore of the pond yelling at him.
"Let's get him out," Chuck picked up a fishing rod and cast out to Frog. Frog grabbed onto the line and Chuck pulled him in.
"Let's go to my house for a while, I need to change out of my uniform," Chuck suggested.
"That's a uniform?" Lucca asked.
"Yeah, this is black, I normally wear deep blue." So they went to Chuck's house. And since it's all the way across the city, let's say that they're already there.
"Woah, what was that?" Chuck looked worried.
"The writer does that a lot," Crono replied.
"Woah, that's a lot better than the subway," Chuck laughed. And they went inside.
"Hi mom," Chuck yelled on the way in.
"Hi mom," Crono yelled also.
"Hi mom!" Marle this time.
"Hey mom," Lucca.
"After noon mom," Magus said.
Chuck stopped, "Why are you calling her mom?"
"Why not?" Crono said.
Chuck shrugged and continued to his room. He went to his closet to get a deep blue shirt, and Dalton popped out.
"Mwa ha ha! Fools! You think you can evade me by going to New York in 1986?"
"This is 99, not 86," Chuck said.
"Just let me finish," Dalton said, "Yes! Yes you can evade me by going to New York in 1986! Because you weren't there! And I got mugged, I only had 3 bucks but he wanted it anyway. But feast your eyes on this!" He pulled out an EVEN angrier, EVEN more metallic, EVEN more duct tape wrapped wire covered machine.
"NOOOOOO!" Marle screamed.
"What is it this time?" Crono asked.
"This is the 'SUPER Poofer Plus!'"
"Oh please nooooooooo!" Marle cried.
"Oh come on Marle, it's not like it plays the Macarena," Crono comforted Marle.
"Oh ho!" Dalton crowed, "That is where you are WRONG! AAAHH HA HA HA!"
"NOOOOOO!" Crono wailed.
"Prepare for the void!" Dalton fired at Crono. But it turned and hit Frog. Dalton fired at Frog. And it hit him. Then everyone had the sudden urge to do an incredibly stupid dance that went out of style a year later than when it should have (the Macarena, duh), but Chuck resisted.
"Batter up," Chuck mumbled and swung the stick at the SUPER Poofer Plus. The SUPER Poofer Plus flew out of Dalton's hands. Dalton screamed like a little girl and ran.
"That was pretty good," Crono said, "We should get you some magic."
"Okay chief." So they went to the End of Time. Chuck saw the old man at the light post when they flew in with the Epoch.
"Can we get a little closer to him?" Chuck asked.
"Uh, sure," Crono said and pulled the Epoch up next to the old man. Chuck pulled down his pants and gave the old man a good dose of canned ham. Crono pulled the Epoch to it's proper parking space.
"That was really uncalled for," Lucca complained.
"That was really funny," Chuck snickered.
"Yeah, it was pretty funny," Crono agreed.
"You men are disgusting," Marle said.
"I'm a guy," I yelled down to them.
"Thank you manly writer!" Magus called back up.
So anyway, Crono, Chuck, and the rest of them, went past the now cranky old man, strait to Spekkio.
"Woah, a penguin," Chuck smiled.
"I'm Spekkio," Spekkio introduced himself, "And you're here to get magic right? Well, ya little pyro, walk around my room-" Blah blah blah, we all know this part.
"Well, since you are a pyro, and all the best people are," Spekkio glanced at Lucca in the main room, "I'll give you fire." Chuck was engulfed in fire. He hit the floor screaming and rolled around until the fire was out.
"So, content with magic, do you want to try it out?"
"No," Chuck said, "Not really."
"Too bad," Marle said, "We're fighting."
Spekkio struck Chuck with a lightning bolt. Chuck wound up with his bat and smashed Spekkio the penguin over the head. When the bat made contact with Spekkio, a small red ball of fire wrapped up Spekkio's head, spewing out thick clouds of black smoke.
"Woah, what was that?" Chuck said in awe.
"That was some sort of magic attack," Marle said.
"IT HURTS!!" Spekkio cried in agony, "PUT IT OUT!! P U T I T O U T!!"
"Woah, I set a penguin on fire, cool," Chuck, um, chuckled.
"See, Spekkio, thinks I'm hot," Crono whispered to Marle.
"His head is on fire! He thinks everything is hot right now!" she shouted back.
"Yeah, whatever," Crono said, "Let's go back to Guardia"
Crono led Chuck, Marle and everyone else to the Epoch, "Frog," Crono said, handing him a bag that Chuck brought from his house, "Put this in the trunk." Frog took the bag and put it in the trunk. He slammed it closed, catching his cape in the door.
"Help," he squeaked.
"Where is he?" Crono sighed after a few minutes.
"He's probably chasing down a bug or something," Chuck said, half asleep.
"Well, we can't wait forever," Crono said and started up the engine. Behind them, Frog screamed, but no one heard him.
They soon arrived in Guardia Kingdom in 1000 A.D, with a quivering pile of green goo, held to the rear of the Epoch with a tattered piece of cloth.
"I guess Frog will use a gate or something," Crono said as he jumped out of the Epoch.
"Something stinks," Chuck commented as they approached Guardia Castle. Marle hit him with a rock.
"Ah Marle, who is your new friend?" the knight captain said as they all walked in.
"This is Chuck," Marle said.
"Hey, what's up-Chuck? Get it? Upchuck?" the knight captain laughed at his own joke.
Chuck forced a laugh and said, "Yeah, not much, well see you around Spanky." He then followed Crono and Marle up to Marle's room as the knight captain was still laughing at his own stupidity.
Marle slammed the door in Chuck's face after she and Crono went into her room. Chuck shrugged and sat down on the floor.
"What was that for?" Crono said sitting down on her bed. Marle shrugged.
Crono stared at the ground for a few minutes. "YES IRRESISTIBLE!" he shouted.
"Women, do NOT, find you irresistible!" she shouted back.
"Oh, I suppose that's why you dove all over me at Death Peak?" he laughed. Marle pulled a riding whip off the wall and prepared to beat the crap out of Crono when Chuck burst through the door.
"How's it...woah," Chuck stopped, "I'll just leave you two alone." He closed the door.
Crono and Marle were left staring at the door. She then beat the crap out of Crono.
Back out in the hall, Chuck sat down next to Ayla and started to flirt. His flirting was cut short when Frog fell from the rafters and was chased into the next room by a fork wielding Ayla.
Suddenly the door to Marle's room swung open and Crono flew out.
"I'll kill you next time!" Marle yelled at Crono.
"And I'll kill you NOW!" Dalton yelled from the next room.
"Aww, crap," Chuck moaned out loud. He climbed to his feet and dragged his bat to the room. All that could be heard was Chuck's bat smacking Dalton, and Dalton screaming like a girl.
"This is getting more and more fun," Chuck said.
"I guess now is the time to unveil my newest invention," Lucca said, "I call it 'Dalton Repelant,' I think you can guess what it does." She brought out a bright orange stray can. She sprayed it around the doors and all the windows leading into the room.
"That stuff stinks," Magus said.
Ayla stiffed where Lucca sprayed and then threw up.
"That is disgusting," Crono said trying to stay away from the windows, "I'm not sure this is worth it."
"Even MY eyes are watering," Robo complained.
"Ok, I'm leaving," Frog said then left.
"And he's off!" Chuck said.
"What stinks?" Marle asked from her room. She then came out with her hair wet and a towel wrapped around her body.
"She finally took a shower," Crono laughed. Marle hit him with a stick.
"It was probably you that stunk anyway," Marle mumbled.
"You really need to stop doing that," Lucca mumbled, "God knows what kind of brain damage he's taking."
"Um," Chuck started, "I didn't think he could take brain damage."
"Drain bamage?" Crono squeaked from the floor.
"Guys, do you think this story is lacking something?" Lucca said.
"Like what?" Marle gave her a confused look.
"Um, like a plot?" Lucca said, making a stupid face at her.
"Hey, yeah, how are you going to end this?" Chuck yelled to me.
"Oh, you actually want this great story to end?" I mocked.
"Yes!" they all yelled in unison.
"Oh, well, I was having so much fun. Okay, fast-forward to the end."
They all stood in the middle of a grey stone room. Crono had a huge, furious, duct-tape wrapped wire engulfed machine in his hands. Dalt, who stood at the other end of the room, held the same thing.
"So this is it? The final battle!" Dalton cackled.
"What is this?!" Marle shrieked.
"What are these things called?" Crono asked Dalton.
"How does the 'SUPER DUPER Poofer Plus' sound?" Dalton replied.
"Stupid, but I'm not one to argue," Crono said shrugging.
"Hey writter, what was that supposed to mean?" Crono asked me.
"It means you're stupid," I said, "Now get off my cloud."
Dalton and Crono leveled their SUPER DUPER Poofer (what is plural for plus?) at each other. They both fired at each other and the beams met in the middle.
After the smoke had settled, the crumbled wreckage of the stone room, lay strewn about the ground. A single person lay huddled behind a rock. It was Frog. He looked at the ruined area around him.
"OH! YEAH! I am the only one left! I win! Yes! AAAH HA HA HA HAAA!" Frog laughed jumping around.
Suddenly, a baby-grand piano fell on him with a slightly musical 'CLAAAANNGG!' The top on the piano slowly opened to reveal Crono, Marle, Lucca, Ayla, Robo, Magus, and Chuck.
"That was interesting," Crono said looking at the greasy green stain under the piano.
"Hey! It's that Crono guy!" some girl screamed, followed by the delighted shrieks of most of Hanson's fan club. They soon swarmed him, asking for autographs, stories, and dates.
"See?" Crono whispered to Marle, "I told you."