Violent is the Word For Kirkis

By Fred Delles

"You are given only a little insanity. You mustn’t lose it." - Robin Williams

It was a beautiful day for spy hunting, or at least to Nina’s point of view. With cautious steps, she led the two Dragons, Ryu and Teepo, along the hallways of the ancient castle. They tiptoed along the stone tiles, peering over each of the closed doors in an attempt to rout out the last one. This person is very dangerous, or at least she was told. With a weapon of mass destruction and high intelligence and wisdom, this very person could be the key.

Nina stopped, peering over one of the doors. "This one!" she said to Ryu and Teepo. They followed her inside, and closed the door silently behind them.

They walked up to a row of stalls. Nina cautiously ducked under to take a look for that person.

"The center stall, boys!" she said. Stopping on a dime, Ryu kicked open the door, and met who they were looking for!

"AAAAARRRGH!" the person yelled.

"Momo, don’t you EVER think that you could hide from me!" Nina said.

"How did you know that I was hiding in the men’s bathroom!?" Momo asked.

"Intuition," Nina said simply. "All right, Ryu and Teepo, take her outside!" The two Dragons followed her order, and grabbed Momo by the arms and dragged her out of the bathroom stall.

Momo was kicking and screaming as Ryu sighed. "Man, what a person would do to avoid a half-hour, once-a-week workout!" he told Teepo.


Outside of the castle, Nina was able to get everyone to follow along in her exercise program. She was firing off her aerobics skills in the tune of a cliched rap song on the boom box.

As Rei and Teepo were doing aerobics in sync with Nina, they noticed Momo struggle all throughout the workout.

"Geez, I never thought I could actually see Momo tired or something!" Rei commented to Teepo.

He noticed Teepo wearing headphones. "TEEEEEPO!"

The lavender-haired Dragon lowered the volume on his CD player and snarled at Rei. "What!?"

Rei noticed the CD player, then decided to change the subject. "Why are you wearing headphones!?"

"I hate rap," Teepo said calmly. He then flicked the volume of the CD player back up and continued following the crowd.


At the end of the workout, Nina let the entire group of tired people walk off the field. Not surprisingly, that was every single person except Nina herself. "All right, you wimps, you can go home now!"

As Momo walked off, Nina stopped her. "Except you, Momo."

"Huh!?" Momo wheezed.

"Apparently, you have been gaining quite a bit lately," Nina teased, pointing at Momo’s stomach.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Momo snarled back. "Like my father said, exercise is for muscle-brained morons!"

"Shows how much your father knows!" Nina replied.

"WHAT!?" Momo was ready to collapse from exhaustion.

"Well, I could easily fix that! I expect to see you an hour every day starting 5:00 PM today!" Nina suggested.

"No, stop! Time out!" Momo said.

"And I suppose you want the rest of the afternoon off, right?" Nina quipped, drying the sweat off her head.

Momo tiredly began with a "Uhhh…"

With the towel, Nina then swat Momo’s hat off her head with a WHAP! "Not a chance! I expect to see you in the Wyndian Health Spa gym at 5:00 PM, and not a minute too late. Got it!?"

Momo fainted.


Momo slammed open the door at Plant in total frustration. She noticed Rei mess around with Peco and Honey. "I can’t believe this! I have to work out with Nina an hour EVERY day until I get back in shape!"

"Doesn’t that just beat all," Rei commented, taking a twelve-foot hoagie out of the fridge. "I can’t eat this thing myself, you know."

"Okay, fine," Momo said. She walked over to the kitchen table where Rei was starting to eat the sub. "But if-"

"Dammit, it's already 3:45!" Momo remembered. "Gotta go now!

"You have to leave NOW?" Rei asked. He peered over at the clock. "It’s an hour early!"

"I know," Momo stated, carrying her gym bag. "I’m taking a quick stop at Starbucks Coffee along the way!" She promptly exited the tower.


At the Wyndian Health Spa, Nina was busy doing pull-ups in front of a mirror while silently counting the seconds of Momo’s somewhat tardy arrival. She seemed to mind her own business, going up and down the bar in a clockwork fashion. The truth was, Momo was her normal weight, but she was a total wimp compared to the stronger, tougher, and very agile Nina.

Momo entered the fitness center in her sweat suit from the women’s locker room. She slowly stared in awe at the various people, from the elf lady running on the treadmill to Teepo screwing around on the bench press. Momo slowly walked up to the pull-up bar in which Nina was using.

As Momo passed the mirror, Nina acknowledged her presence, and jumped off the pull-up bar. "About time you showed up, Momo!"

Momo knew that she was late. "Sorry, Nina, I was held up in traffic!"

"Don’t lie to me," Nina said sternly, right in Momo’s face. "I can smell coffee under your breath!"

"I had only one cup of coffee, ma’am," Momo stated.

Nina chuckled. "Sure, it begins with one. Then two, then three. Pretty soon, you’ll be running convenience stores round-the-clock and becoming the poster girl for No-Doze!"

"It may be true that you’re the princess of Wyndia, Nina," Momo replied, "but that doesn’t mean that you have to keep making fun of me like that!"

"Well, it’s ‘cause I’m one of the best. A hero, even," Nina boasted. She stared at Momo’s body. "You want to be a hero, too… instead of just eating them with Rei?"

"Will you PLEASE quit telling me about my physique and get with the program, O.K.!?" Momo ranted, hurt from Nina’s comments.

"Uh, fine," Nina said. She walked over to a fancy-schmancy treadmill. "This is the Altrea, the finest of all the treadmills of Wyndia!"

Momo walked on top the Altrea. "Hmmm… I might actually like this. How does this thing work?"

Nina turned the machine on. "You give the machine a code name and it will begin your workout."

"Like what?" Momo asked.

Before either could say anything else, the machine turned on, and a voice emitted from the treadmill console. "Please state the code name of your exercise."

"Stallion," Nina proudly said to the console.

"Stallion!?" Momo repeated. The treadmill conveyor belt started to roll along, and Momo started her exercise.

"It’s the elf who thought he was the fastest person in the world," Nina said. "Until he met me, that is! And it’s all because of this treadmill you’re on."

"What if he’ll declare revenge and become better than you one day?" Momo asked.

"It’ll never happen!" Nina said. "You’ll have a MUCH better chance of being kidnapped by aliens and being sexually abused from them!"

"Damn, are you THAT sure?" Momo replied.

Nina merely responded by increased the speed on the treadmill. Momo zoomed right off the Altrea and WHAM! She crashed into the weights.

"Oooooouch! What was that for?" Momo replied.


The next day, Momo returned to the Wyndian Health Spa a bit early. In fact, Nina wasn’t even there. With little to do, she hesitantly walked over to the Altrea treadmill. Momo turned on the machine.

"Please state the code name of your exercise," the machine said.

Momo looked around, making sure no one would hear her. "Stallion," she whispered to the machine.

"BUZZZZZZZ! Please state the code name of your exercise," the machine repeated.

"Stallion!" Momo repeated, in a louder, yet inaudible tone.

"BUZZZZZZZ! Please state the code name of your exercise," the machine said again, matter-of-factly.

"STALLION! THE CODE NAME IS STALLION!" Momo yelled. Everyone in the entire gym stared at her, wondering who in Ladon was that crazy woman.

Momo blushed in embarrassment. After everyone went back to business, she started her workout.

After about twenty seconds, the machine started to speak in a very different tone. "Well, Nina, guess who this is!"

"I’m not Nina… but I’ll guess that it’s the code name… Stallion!" Momo said, jogging on the Altrea’s treads. "Or Balio and Sunder."

"That’s right, it’s Stallion! I happily expected you to use this machine again! Despite the fact that it is too small for your feet… or mine!"

"What now?" Momo said.

"What now? I know that this machine made you the fastest person, faster than me! It made you quite a hero. And now it’s gonna be your downfall!"

"Downfall!?" Momo said.

"Yes, your downfall! The Altrea is filled with plastic explosives that will destroy the entire Wyndian Health Spa!"

"Wait! You’re blowing up the wrong gal!" Momo said. She then stopped running and allowed the treadmill to roll her backward.

"Stallion" continued talking as Momo was rolling off Altrea. "And these explosives will go off the second you fall off the treadmill!"

Momo reached the end of the treadmill just as Stallion finished his last sentence. "Yaaaaaaargh!" She then ran as hard as she could to catch up with the rolling conveyor.

A group of people, including an elf named Sylvina, ran to Momo as she panicked.

"Momo, is anything wrong?" Sylvina asked, noticing Momo panting.

"Some guy named Stallion placed a bomb in this treadmill!" Momo said. "And it’s gonna blow up the entire building! This is a simple machine, right?"

"Right!" the group said.

"And you won’t let some horse moron do something to this most excellent health spa, right?"

"Right!" the group said, motivated from Momo.

"Well, you know what to do, right?"


"Go and do it!"

"AAAAAAARGH!!!" The crowd scampered around the gym, running into the respective locker rooms.

"Thank you, my fellow Wyndians!" Momo proudly commented.

Everyone left except for Sylvina. "Ms. Momo, I think Nina just came. Should I get her? And I’ll get Stallion, too, if I could find him!"

"Sylvina, this bomb is gonna blow up everyone in this entire gym!" Momo said. She thought for a second. "Okay, go get her!" Sylvina scampered off into the ladies’ locker room.

Momo stared at the treadmill controls, keeping her pace. "I can do it… I feel good… Every move I make, I feel like a winner…"

The machine increased its speed, forcing Momo to run even faster. "I’m gonna diiiiie!"


Five seconds later, Nina, barely in her sweat suit, was thrown into the gym. She stared at a panicky Momo.

"I… came as soon as I heard!" Nina said, blankly.

"Thank Ladon!" Momo replied. She turned her attention toward the bomb. "This bomb will blow as soon as I fall off this treadmill!"

"So what’s your point?" Nina asked.

"We switch on my signal," Momo said, between breaths. She gave the count. "One… two…"

"…Three!" Momo jumped off, and at the same time, Nina scampered on the rolling conveyor belt of the Altrea.

Nina was zooming along the Altrea as Momo caught her breath. "You know, Momo, this thing is really flying!"

"I know!" Momo said.

"You shouldn’t start running on the treadmill at such a speed!" Nina said.

"Why?" Momo asked.

"Well, for one thing, you could get a…" - Nina felt some sudden pain in her right leg - "…cramp!" Nina stopped running.

Nina was about to fall off when Momo caught her. She tried to hold Nina on the treadmill, but only succeeded on falling on the treads right when Nina fell off. Momo made a quick crawl just to stay on for dear life.

Regaining her posture, Momo was able to stand up with a feat of strength. Nina struggled to run to the back of the treadmill’s console.

"You think that you can keep this up!?" Nina asked.

"Uh, yeah… sure," Momo replied. She noted something about the bomb. "If I had to guess, the bomb’s somewhere in this treadmill console!"

"Then open it and diffuse it!" Momo said.

"Hold on… I’ve got a Swiss Army knife in my Ouroboros staff!" Nina remembered. She checked her sweat suit pockets. "Wait a sec, I think I left the staff in my gym bag!"

"Then where’s your gym bag!?" Momo ranted and panted.

"I left it in the locker room!" Nina yelled.

Suddenly, Sylvina opened the doors of the locker room and tossed Nina’s gym bag right in her face!

"Ouch!" Nina grabbed the bag and opened it. Sure enough, the staff was inside. On one end of the staff, there was a small compartment. Nina opened it, and grabbed a small item; apparently, it was the Swiss Army knife. Nina took out the longest blade and pried open the console.

Momo stared at the inside, and was astounded at the contents. "Wow, there’s enough explosives to level a whole building!"

Nina also examined the console. "Yeah! And that it’s a complex kinda machine, too!"

"I already know that!" Momo yelled. "What do you see inside?"

"Just wires!"

"What kinda wires?"

"Three of them: red, yellow, and blue!" Nina examined the wires a bit closer, knowing that some of them might be trapped, and if one were to be cut, the bomb would blow up.

Momo took a second to think. "Well… try the yellow one!"

"The yellow one!?" Nina said. "Do you have a scientific proof on why it’s the yellow one?"

Momo took a second to think, despite massive fatigue from her impromptu exercise. "Well… let’s put it this way: Red, we’re dead. Blue, we’re through."

Nina very quickly became perplexed. "And yellow?"

"We’re mellow!" Momo replied, optimistically.

Nina became even more perplexed. "Well, I was thinking that ‘Yellow, we’re Jell-O, blue, we’re goo-‘"


Nina definitely knew that Momo’s strength had just about diminished. Without another word, she yanked the yellow wire. Just as the yellow wire was cut, Momo jumped right off the treadmill as both she and Nina ducked for cover.

But the bomb didn’t explode. The machine whizzed and hummed, and merely died without much of a whisper.

Momo stood up after a silent span of thirty seconds. "What happened…?"

"We’re still alive, that’s what!" Nina replied.

"Unfortunately!" Momo said to herself. She turned toward a nervous Nina. "And you expect to see me tomorrow, right?"

"Uh… you know, you could take tomorrow off," Nina said, nearly stumbling to get up.

"Great!" Momo yelled in total ecstasy.

"Oh yeah… one more thing," Nina asked. "How did you know that it was the yellow wire?"

"Intuition," Momo said simply. "Or pure luck."

Nina fainted.


About ten minutes later, Nina woke up, seeing Momo and three elves. Nina especially noticed the arrogant-looking guy with long, pointy ears.

"So, it’s you, Stallion!" Nina yelled, jumping right up as if shocked by a taser. The four moved out of her way.

"I got this nut here as soon as I could, while you were unconscious," Sylvina told Nina.

Nina turned her attention toward Stallion. "You nearly blew this place up this side of Station Myria! What have you got to say about that!?"

Stallion stared at Nina blankly. "This gym is too small for my feet."

Momo perused the floor. "You’re right… this gym is pretty small! What do you think about that, guys?"

Nina added Momo to her vitriolic conversation. "You know, you’re right. Exercise IS harmful for people like you!" Nina teased.

Nina returned toward her grudge with Stallion. "Okay, I’ve dealt with horse dudes that kinda reminded me of elves, and now, I have to deal with an elf dude that kinda reminds me of a horse! Now, why are you doing such things, knowing that I could easily beat the crap out of you?"

"Come to think of it, I don’t know," Stallion said. "But isn’t the summer elf season, especially the midsummer?"

"If it is elf season, I would have brought my bazooka and blown you away on a hunting trip!" Nina ranted.

"Hey… you have those faerie-like wings," Stallion highlighted. "You’re like… one of us! Why not give ME the bazooka!?"

Nina and Stallion were about to pound each other into ground round as Kirkis held the two away from each other.

"They say if you can’t beat them, have them beaten," Kirkis said. "Maybe the two of you should slug it out at high noon today!"

"You expect you and me to fight!?" Nina said. "Fine! I’m the fastest!"

"No, I’m the fastest!" Stallion shot back.

"Well, there's the quick and there's the dead," Nina soliloquized. "I'm quick. And you're more of the latter!"

Stallion let his anger reach something this side of a Level Two Limit Break. He took off his leather hunting glove, and slapped Nina's face with it. "Okay, I didn't think that it would come to… violence, but I challenge you to a duel!"

Nina mirrored Stallion by taking off her titanium-and-steel Aries Glove, and struck Stallion with a convincing blow. "Agreed!" Reeling from the blow, Stallion fell straight to the ground.


Later that day, Nina and Stallion had an idea for a duel, which Momo and Sylvina suggested.

Kirkis walked in with a piece of paper and two guns. "All right, here's how it works: Each of you will have one of these paintball guns strapped to your belt. When I tell you to go on the count of three, you two will shoot each other. The first one to get hit loses!"

"Uh, okay," Nina said. "And I won't say good luck - that would be dumb."

"Same here," Stallion added. "And in duels, Stallion always wins."

"And no cheating, too!" Nina told Kirkis.

"Wait… I thought that there were no rules in this duel!" Stallion complained. "So, cheating IS allowed!"

"No, it isn't!" Nina ranted.

"That's a contradiction!" Momo added.

"Enough, already!" Kirkis concluded. "I'll just stand here and you take ten paces back!"

Nina and Stallion took ten paces back and stared at each other with cold eyes. Sylvina ran out of the way while Kirkis stood between the two.

Kirkis stared at a stopwatch while the two duelists readied themselves. "Okay… one… two…"

"…Three!" At the same time, Nina and Stallion drew their weapons and fired. Both shots hit - of all people - Kirkis.

"Yeeouch!" Kirkis's eyes were covered with a streak of red paint. "I can't see!" He stumbled around blinded, and after a dozen steps, ended up hobbling onto the street.

"Kirkis?" Sylvina asked.

"Uh, yeah?"

"A tractor-trailer carrying tons of caaaaaars!" Sylvina warned, pointing at her exact description that was about to run over Kirkis!

"AAAAAARGH!" Freezing in total trepidation, Kirkis opened his eyes in time to see the speeding rig zoom toward him. Fear ran right through his veins.

But the trucker slammed the air brake, and the rig stopped right in time - about one inch in front of Kirkis's nose. As Kirkis stopped sweating bullets, the top car on the trailer slowly rolled off its platform and landed right on the petrified elf.

"Oh my God, they killed Kirkis!" Sylvina gasped.

"YOU BASTARD!" Stallion added.


* * * * *


Kirkis eventually regained consciousness on a not-too-comfy bed at a nearby hospital. He wondered whether the actual event of Stallion versus Nina was real, or a nightmare… or even worse. As he tried to get up, he realized that he was stuck on the bed, laden with casts and certain medical straps.

He glanced around the entire room. It was a cliched white, with several medical instruments, and a simple, empty nightstand.

A few moments after coming to, he noticed three familiar people - Stallion, Nina, and Sylvina enter his room.

"What the hell happened? What was the license number of that truck? And who won the previous thirty World Series!?" Kirkis blurted, almost deliriously.

"You weren't unconscious for THAT long," Nina muttered. "Just two hours or so."

"I know… it's just a thought that came to my mind," Kirkis turned toward his true love, Sylvina, as she practically jumped on him.

"Kirkis! Oh, Kirkis, you're still alive! She kept on hugging and kissing him as he unsuccessfully tried to escape.

"Ouch! My leg and arms are still in casts, Sylvina!" Kirkis complained.

The two speedsters stared at the elves in love. "Damn, I did that to Ryu once," Nina commented.

She noticed Stallion holding a bouquet of flowers and a stereo cassette player. She also noticed that Stallion never had them until they entered the hallway leading to Kirkis's room.

Putting two and two together, Nina suddenly became quite demanding. "WHERE did you get those?"

Stallion tried hard not to chortle. "Next door. The guy just croaked, so he won't be needing them anymore!" Nina bashed Stallion hard with her elbow. "Owww!"

Stallion stoically took the blow and simply placed the flowers and the boom box on the nightstand. "Uh, here, Kirkis, these might cheer you up. Unlike the previous guy!"

"The previous guy?" Kirkis asked.

"Yeah, he's dead," Stallion morosely said. It was obvious to Nina and Kirkis that he was faking it.

Sylvina rolled off Kirkis and stood herself up on the hospital's tiled floor. "Uh, we'd better go now, my love." As the three gave their good-byes, Stallion turned on their "borrowed" radio. It began to fire off a modern Latin ditty, "Livin' La Vida Loca".

"Hey… this song's got pretty good rhythm," Kirkis commented, not knowing the dangers of a song that will repeat itself from the various fans calling in to the big-time radio station…


Three hours later, Kirkis became tired of the song, and tried to turn it off. However, one of his hands was still strapped in a cast, and his free hand was too far away from the nightstand.

"Why me…" Kirkis said, depressingly.

Kirkis smashed the call button with his left hand. Its signal relayed from the button all the way to the nurses' quarters.

"Hey, like, can someone get that?" one of the nurses asked.

"Like, right after I finish solving this," the other nurse said, messing around with a Rubik's Cube. "But if it's, like, Kirkis and that music again, forget it! That song, like, rocks!"

The next day, the song started to instill itself in the elf's mind. It was such that it would almost make Kirkis turn into a Dragon and nuke everyone inside the medical facility. Almost. But he wasn't a Brood.

One of the doctors walked in for his daily checks and noticed the flowers. Picking up the vase, he read the card tied on it. "Best of wishes… to poor old Wedge Antilles…"

He craned his head toward a wide-eyed Kirkis. "Whatever happened to Wedge, anyway?"

"He's dead," Kirkis morbidly griped. "And I'll bet it's this crazy song that killed him!" He made it as obvious as possible that he was pointing to the boom box.

"Okay, but this'll cost you extra," the doctor said. He simply turned off the boom box. After making his daily but brief checks on Kirkis's physical condition, he walked off.

Kirkis breathed deeply and relaxed. "Well… at least I'll finally get some peace here…"

In the next room, from a teenage girl set for a two-week cancer operation, and very much to Kirkis's chagrin, the very same infernal racket by Ricky Martin pounded in his long, elvish ears yet again.

"I should have stayed in bed," Kirkis dourly commented. "Wait, I'm already in bed!"

And Kirkis still had two weeks to go.


* * * * *


After the two-week ordeal at Wyndian General Hospital, Kirkis was alive and well and ready to roll. After making his check out, he left the building and marched right into the arms of his Sylvina.

"Kiiiiirkis!" Sylvina was yelling, hugging, and kissing him again.

"Sylvina!" Kirkis replied, embracing Sylvina in return.

"You're all well!" Sylvina yelled in ecstasy. She remembered Kirkis's promise to go to the Wyndian Outdoor Restaurant two weeks ago. "And since you've recovered, we can go on our date today! Right now!"

"Now!?" Kirkis said. "I never planned anything! I was supposed to do that the last two weeks and I was stuck in the hospital at that time!"

"But I have!" Sylvina replied. She grabbed Kirkis's arm and dragged him to the car. "Let's go!"

"At least I don't have to listen to that 'Livin' La Vida Loca' crap any longer!" Kirkis commented to himself. "If I hear that song one more time, I think I'm gonna crack!"


* * * * *


By evening, Sylvina and Kirkis made it to the Wyndian Outdoor Restaurant. It was a pleasant sunset; the two elves knew that nothing would ruin such a perfect, clear night.

As Kirkis and Sylvina got their seat, they overlooked Ryu, Rei, Teepo, Nina, and Momo arguing with one another about something over dinner.

"Nina, why in Ladon do you think you're the lousiest health instructor on the entire world and the Planet!?" Rei asked.

"'Cause all she ever did to me was nag!" Momo snarled. "Every day, she keeps yelling obscenities and continuous rants while I'm exercising on the Altrea!"

"So forgive me," Nina replied, between bites, "but it was a good idea, knowing that I could do 45 pull-ups in 30 seconds while you couldn't even do one!"

"Nina, can you please leave my physical prowess out of this!?" Momo ranted.

"That's easy, 'cause you don't have any!" Rei poked.

"Why you…" Momo was about to punch Rei, but Teepo was sitting between the two. "

"Can it, guys," Teepo chided. "What if Stallion blows you and Nina up again?"


A not-too-commonly-walking Stallion entered the Wyndian Outdoor Restaurant. "Uh, delivery guy, er, elf," he said vacantly to the maitre'd.

The restaurant manager walked in without much of a greeting. "You're late!"

"U.S. Postal Service," Stallion lied, knowing that he drove a UPS truck. "Even the rusty engine of this gas-guzzler is more efficient."

"Just get the damn jukebox here this minute!" the manager commanded.

"Wait, a sec, don't I get a tip or something!?" Stallion asked, as if he were beseeching money.

"I'll give you a bowl of soup," the manager generously said. "If you get it in here good."

"Hope the soup's good," Stallion obliged and carried the Rock-ola jukebox inside the outdoor restaurant.


Kirkis and Sylvina noticed Nina sitting at the table next to them. "Uh, Nina's here," Kirkis said. "I suggest that we should go now."

"Nonsense," Sylvina replied, still in that optimistic mood. She also noticed Stallion bring something in. "And there's Stallion! Let's go and greet them!"

"Uh, okay," Kirkis said, knowing the almost-guaranteed chances of getting into an argument with either one.

He walked up to the five. "Nina Wyndia… we meet once again," Kirkis greeted.

"Hey, it's two of the three elves that tried to nuke Nina!" Teepo blurted. "Let's pull their ears out!"

"Guys, it's not them… it's Stallion!" Nina defended. She then made a spur-of-the-moment introduction. "Kirkis… Sylvina… this is Ryu, Rei, and Teepo. Guys, these are Kirkis and Sylvina." The Woren and two Dragons grumbled their greetings.

Kirkis and Sylvina noticed Momo. "Hey… it's that scientist again!" Kirkis said.

The scientist set down her beer glass full of Merlot. "Momo of Plant, how are you?" Momo grabbed Kirkis's hand and shook it wildly with high amplitude.

Rei tugged Momo away and nudged her back to her seat. "Don't even THINK about handling my girl when she's drunk!"

"Did you say that right!?" Kirkis asked.

"Damn straight," Rei replied. "And where's that Stallion dude, anyway? He's the one most responsible!"

"Er, he's…" - Kirkis noticed Stallion bringing in a package - "…out to lunch."

"Don't lie to me," Rei replied, angrily. "I can smell Cinn-a-burst under your breath."

"Flavor crystals?" asked Ryu.


After wheeling in the jukebox without much effort, Stallion plugged it in at a nearby outlet. The jukebox clicked on all its all-too-gaudy lights, and showed the five dozen selections on its control panel.

Stallion knew that it would be wise to test the jukebox. "Hmmm… What's this 'Will Smith' guy?" he thought to himself. Without much of a second thought, he entered the code for the rapper's hit song.

The jukebox hummed, then clicked, and started playing the 'Wild Wild West' single as Stallion overlooked Kirkis and Sylvina.


While the song was blaring its good (or not-so-good) vibrations, the brief argument between Ryu, Rei, Teepo, and Kirkis started to flare up into an altercation.

"Sorry, guys. Maybe it's the food or something," Kirkis said. "Maybe the meat's too fresh."

"The meat ain't the only thing that's fresh around here!" Teepo rambled. Without much of another word, he eye-poked Kirkis.

"Hey, what the-" Before Kirkis could finish, Ryu and Rei joined in. In pure loyalty to Nina, they started slapping Kirkis casually. After a couple slaps, they started to hit him with plates, leftover food, and Teepo even added his ass-kick to the brouhaha.

Kirkis was unable to fight back as Sylvina only gasped at their altercation.

About thirty feet away, Stallion noticed the tumult, and stared at the jukebox. "This one!" He ended up picking, of all songs, Ricky Martin's "Livin' La Vida Loca", and flared up the volume…


The fight continued. "All right, Kirk dude, give Neen the apology! NOW!" Teepo threatened.

Before the irritations of the Ricky Martin ditty sank into Kirkis, he never figured out what to do. But as he heard the first tones of the Latin pop music, something popped in his head. He felt some kind of power he had never felt before… very much like the power of the Brood. Kirkis also felt an amazing quantity of rage inside his heart. It was more than enough to retaliate and strike the three moronic restaurant patrons. Not since fighting for the Village of the Elves had he possessed such a power.

With an unexpected, savage punch, Kirkis clocked Rei with all his might. It was more than enough to knock him back to his chair unconscious. The force also knocked both Rei and the chair straight to the floor.

"Wha-" Before Ryu could respond, Kirkis threw another unbalanced, but heavy blow to the top of Ryu's head. He also fell over like a comatose Dragon, knocking over the table itself, and another chair.

Kirkis threw a third punch and did the same to Teepo, chopping him to the floor like a piece of wood. Glass shattered as the table broke and rolled on the floor like a coin. The other guests ran off in terror.

It was then that Nina noticed both Stallion and the jukebox. She yelled at both Stallion and Kirkis. "Hey! You can't do that!" She was struck by yet another one of Kirkis's punches as a reply.

Stallion instinctively pulled the plug on the jukebox, and both he and Sylvina ran to Kirkis.

At the same time, right after the song stopped, Kirkis's strength diminished and deflated toward practically nil- the same old self once again.

Nina got up and rubbed the top of her head. "Say… shots like that don't even come from a Blacksmith clansman!" Ironically, she immediately turned friendly toward the surprised elf, as he and Momo were examining the knocked-out Ryu, Rei, and Teepo. "Say… you knocked out three Destined Heroes…"

"Did I do that?" Kirkis replied, totally unaware of his hidden strength.

"What's been eating you, Kirkis? Did you remember?" Nina curiously asked.

"I can't remember," Kirkis replied, surveying the three downed destined ones. "I just can't stand that 'Livin' La Vida Loca' song. Every time I hear it, I go loco in my head! I go berserk and everything goes black!"

Stallion walked up to the three silently. Nina, Sylvina, and Kirkis ignored him as the restaurant manager walked up to the group.

He glared at Kirkis. "Whaddya think this is, the Contest!? You tryin' to ruin my business!? Look at my customers!" After presenting his empty restaurant, save the center table with the group, he started slapping Kirkis silly.

Nina eyed Stallion. "Hey Stallion! Give him the Ricky Martin tune!" Instinctively, Stallion started the jukebox and repeated the song.

Kirkis felt that hidden power inside him once again, and after his mind "blanked", he landed a mighty uppercut on the manager's chin, sending him crashing through the outhouse.

Stallion stopped the music before anyone else got hurt.

Kirkis "came to", and returned back to normal. "What happened?"

"Look!" Nina pointed toward the busted outhouse, where the manager sat, unconscious.

Bleu passed by and noticed the unconscious guy sitting on the toilet. "Good thing I didn't eat any of the food before that altercation!" she told Stallion.

"Why?" Stallion asked.

"Look!" She pointed to the restaurant manager. "That manager's a moron! His restaurant crap probably sticks to your colon!" Bleu promptly slithered off.

Nina looked around. "Damn… the Contest… You know, you could take up boxing!"

"WHAT!?" Kirkis, Sylvina, and Stallion asked.

"Yeah," Nina replied. She kissed Kirkis's forehead, and shook his hand. "Say hello to your new fight manager!"

"Fight… manager!?" Kirkis replied.

"Boy… er, elf, we're gonna make a lot of money," Nina said, filled with the thrill of the fight, "And you've got some training to do!"

"Training!?" Kirkis replied.

Nina gave out her training schedule - which was the same one for Momo. "Yeah! And I expect to see you outside the Wyndian Health Spa at 5:00 PM, and not a minute too late. Starting tomorrow! Got it!?"

Kirkis fainted.


Nina grabbed Kirkis's feet with her left hand and dragged him down the exit stairs of the restaurant. Sylvina followed suit.

Stallion was about to walk off as Nina grabbed and tugged his ear. "And I need you, too!"

"Oh, fine, mighty warrior princess," Stallion remembered his free bowl of soup. He broke out of Nina's grasp and ran to the front counter, where some familiar-looking thin guy with chef's garb was standing.

"Say, that guy over there said that I could have a free bowl of soup," Stallion stated, pointing to the outhouse with the restaurant manager. "Well?"

The chef scanned the empty, disheveled bar for ten full seconds, and finally glared at the speedster elf, bashing the bell with his spatula. "NO SOUP FOR YOU!"

"Oh, fine!" Stallion snarled, following Nina toward the exit, "I'll just get ol' Cosmo to kick your ass!"


* * * * *


The next day, at one minute after five o'clock, the group was the group was doing the training outside - Nina decided not to take another chance with the Altrea again.

"Stroke! Stroke!…" Nina bellowed through a megaphone. Besides Nina, Kirkis was tugging Sylvina, who was staring at the river's water, and Stallion, who was standing and fiddling around with a notebook computer.

As Stallion searched his pockets for the CD, he rocked the boat, and ended up dropping both himself and Nina on the road.

Nina got up as Kirkis took a break "rowing" a wooden, custom-built four-person wagon.

"Hey, what's the big idea!?" Nina ranted.

"I lost my balance," Stallion replied.

"You lost your balance!?" Nina yelled. "Go find it!" Being a total bitch at the moment, Nina shoved Stallion, causing him drop his notebook computer on the ground, and effectively making him stumble into the nearby river.

Nina turned her attention over to Kirkis, who was lying down on the job. "Don't worry, you'll get your second wind, kid!" She then grabbed a canteen full of water.

Kirkis stood up and got ready to take a drink. As Kirkis was about to take it from her hands, Nina wet her whistle, emptying the entire bottle. The elf sighed.


Nina, Kirkis, and Sylvina all heard a voice from somewhere. "Hey, guys! Please give us a hand, will ya?"

The three turned around to notice a pretty, brown-haired, tough-looking woman along with yet another elf, this one more of a cross between the Kirkis and Stallion. The two were pulling a Jeep-like vehicle out of the mud.

"Damn, this thing weighs a ton, Valeria!" the elf said.

"Just put your back into it, Rubi!" Valeria replied. "Unless your hands ache with bloodlust like mine!"

Just then, Nina, Kirkis, and Sylvina came to the rescue. "What's the problem?" Nina asked.

"We have a terrible dilemma!" Rubi replied.

"Yeah, those cars ARE terrible," Nina commented, as she got a handhold on one of the bumpers of the vehicle. Kirkis and Sylvina followed suit.

"I mean, we have a terrible dilemma with a Jeep Wrangler," Valeria corrected. "The car's accelerator's busted and it landed in the mud as I tried to stop the skid!"

"Whoops!" Nina said, a tad ashamed. She spun her neck to her right and saw Kirkis chatting with Rubi about some kind of elvish politics.

"Hey!" Nina yelled, chucking Kirkis back to her reality. "Don't even THINK about mixing fighting with politics! You're supposed to talk about the fight, not fight about the talk!"

"Sorry," Kirkis replied.

"Okay!" Nina commanded. "On the count of three, we yank the Jeep out of the mud! One… two…"

"…Three!" All five people tried to yank the Jeep out of the thick mud. But the Jeep was stuck fast.

Nina gestured the others to stop. "No good. We need Stallion!"

Sylvina noticed that Stallion wasn't around the vicinity. "Where IS Stallion, anyway?"

The female elf was startled by a splashing sound. All five of them turned around, and discerned Stallion slumping around the surface of the water poorly, attempting to get back to land.

Nina and Kirkis ran off to get him, and grabbed each of his hand, tugging him back to solid ground.

"A fine time to go fishing!" Nina bitched, after she noticed a fish flopping in one of Stallion's pockets. Stallion took out the flounder and followed the two in another attempt to lift Valeria and Rubi's Jeep.

All six of them grabbed a handhold on the Jeep's rear fenders and bumper. "Okay," Nina ordered, "on the count of three, we yank on it as hard as we can."

Nina gave the count as everyone readied himself. "One… two…"

"…Hold it!" Nina suddenly blurted. Everyone paused and released the vehicle.

The Wyndian continued. "Wait a sec, this won't work. Stallion, you do know that music gives strength?"

Before Stallion could think much of anything else, Nina had the idea all set up. "Give Kirkis here a couple of bars of Ricky Martin!"

Stallion walked off to retrieve his notebook computer as Nina turned toward Valeria. "Get in the Jeep and ready the accelerator!"

Valeria heeded Nina's command as Stallion readied the CD player inside the computer. "Ready!"

"Okay, the rest of us lift the vehicle!" Nina said. Stallion started the CD player. "One… two…"

Right when the tune began, Kirkis felt everything pop inside of him. He sensed that same strength he felt back at the restaurant inside his body once again.

With a mighty pull, Kirkis knocked away the other three people pulling the vehicle out of the mud and yanked the vehicle out all by himself.

Stallion stared at him in awe. Suddenly, the computer's Windows 95 program crashed, causing a General Protection Fault that froze the machine. It also stopped the music.

Kirkis, who had the entire back half of the vehicle out of the mud, felt his strength dwindle, and promptly dropped the vehicle… right on Nina's right foot.

"YEEEEOW!" Nina yelled, from the two tons of force on her entire foot. "Get this damn thing off my foot!"

"I can't budge it!" Kirkis screamed.

"Stallion!" Nina shouted, in agony, "Play the CD again!"

After the computer rebooted, Stallion wasted no time playing the CD. From the music, Kirkis was able to lift the vehicle out of the mud and wheelbarrow it back on more solid ground.

Out of the trouble spot, Valeria hit the accelerator, and zoomed off in the sunset as Kirkis climbed on the vehicle, still in his berserker's mood.


* * * * *


Many, many days later…


Nina was in her room, staring at today's Wyndia Flying Sentinel. The headline read, "Kirkis Wins Again With K.O."

She stared at the story, which told that Kirkis ended up getting a 12-0 record with all twelve victories knockouts. Didn't it seem weird that they were all in the first round, and that all of them involved Stallion somehow?

Nina shoved that nutty rumor aside and stood up. Suddenly, she noticed a large man with a dark, fairly curly hair and mustache, dark skin, eyeglasses, a fancy business suit, tons of gold rings on his fingers, several gold chains around his neck, and a fat cigar plopped in his mouth.

Nina recognized the man. "By Ladon… You're really Don King, right?"

"That's right, ma'am," he formally replied.

"Well… what are you doing here, anyway?" Nina asked.

"I'm here to see the manager of that new boxer named Kirkis," Don said, as he looked around Nina's fancy room. "Know where he is?"

"You're looking at her!" Nina bragged. "And I'm his trainer, too!"

"You!?" Don King was surprised that the manager and trainer of such a proficient boxer was only a mere faerie-winged woman. But then again, he had never heard of Nina, Warrior Princess either.

The fight promoter shook off that strange ideal. "Well, I have a proposition to make. You know a guy named Mike Tyson, right?"

"Uh, yeah," Nina said, casually. She then froze in shock. "The ear-biter that was recently released from jail!?!?"

"Uh, yeah, that'd be him," Don King replied, scratching the back of his head.

"When… do you want this fight?" Nina asked.

"Within a couple of weeks. With this fight being televised around Earth, the Planet, the Elw Dimension, and Wyndia's continent, it's gonna be HUGE!"

"It's a deal!" Nina said as she shook Don's hand and becoming unaware of what trouble she might encounter. "Why are you doing this?"

"Well, so he can pay back the money he owes!" Don replied.

"Logical," Nina concurred, with less enthusiasm.

The two then heard a faint "Livin' La Vida Loca" tune, then a slap, then someone running up the stairs. They turned around as the door opened. It was Ryu with a bag of ice on the top of his head.

"By the Dragon, it's Don King!" Ryu said. He stood there in awe, just like Nina when she first met him in person. "Wow… that's most, well… words can't say. Got any aspirin for this headache?"


* * * * *


Many more days later…

It was the big night for the ultimate boxing match. A couple of months ago, after Mike Tyson was released from prison (but for how long?), he was scheduled to box another match. After Don King heard of this rookie named "Kirkis" and his perfect, near-invincibility, he thought that would be the perfect opponent for the former heavyweight champ.

After Nina gave Kirkis the news, Sylvina was so pissed off that she slammed Nina's head with Nina's own staff, and knocked the princess unconscious for twenty-four hours. But unfortunately, the contract was under lock, stock, and barrel, and would be impossible to breach. In the end, Kirkis and Sylvina could only agree, and would appear for the ultimate fight this very night…


In Kirkis's locker room, Sylvina massaged Kirkis's shoulders to get him ready.

"You're lookin' great, Kirkis!" Sylvina said, attempting to raise Kirkis's spirits. Ironically, her spirits were low, thinking of the high chances Kirkis might be hurt or actually killed in such a fight.

"Don't worry, I'm an elf with charisma!" Kirkis replied. "You know, when I make my attempt to become the next vizier of the Elf Village, and fix the budget deficit-"

"What did I tell you about mixing fighting with politics!?" Nina said, slapping Kirkis in the back of the head. "C'mon, the fight's about to start! Go on upstairs!"

Nina slapped the back of Kirkis's head again, then picked up the bucket of water, and followed suit.

Sylvina looked around with a distraught feeling as both Valeria and Rubi entered the locker room.

"Say, where's Stallion?" Sylvina asked the two.

"He's either late, or at the Al Gore fund-raiser," Rubi replied. "I spoke with Kirkis about that. You know-"

Suddenly, Nina splashed Rubi with the bucket of water. "C'mon, dammit!" She tugged Rubi's ear as the group went upstairs.


Inside the Caesar's Palace arena, the referee announced the two combatants to over seventy thousand screaming fans. "In this corner… we have the former heavyweight champ, 'Iron Mike' Tyson!"

The crowd cheered as Mike Tyson waved his hands to the crowd.

The ref continued. "And in this corner… we have the challenger, Kirkis!"

Kirkis froze as the crowd gave both cheers and boos. Nina shoved him off his seat, causing him to stand fast. "Take a bow!"

The ref signaled both sides to come to him. Nina stole an apple from Ryu (who was helping out with Nina's coaching), followed Kirkis, and handed it to the ref, who was explaining the rules.

The referee took a bite of the apple and began. "Now let's make this a good clean fight. When I tell you to break, you immediately break it up. No hitting below the belt. No holding and hitting, and no dirty tackling!"

Kirkis bowed to the crowd a couple of times, then sat down. "Say, Neen, who am I fighting?"

"That guy sitting on that chair!" Nina pointed to Mike Tyson, who seemed hungry and all prepared to feast the elf's bones.

Kirkis had never boxed against anyone that was larger than featherweight. After observing the enormous size and massive strength of the heavyweight Mike Tyson, Kirkis stood up and tried to scamper off.

"Where do you think you're going!? Sit down!" Nina said. With a single hand, she practically chucked Kirkis back on his seat. She stared at the group. There was Ryu, Sylvina, Valeria, and Rubi - but no Stallion. "Where the hell is that agile ass-munch?"


As the two boxers readied themselves, Stallion finally arrived. He proudly walked down the main aisle with a notebook computer planted on his bosom.

After he made his seat on the row right next to the boxing ring, Rubi walked up to him. "What took you so long? Are you ready?"

"Uh, yeah," Stallion said, as he booted up his ThinkPad notebook computer. "Hey, is this the Al Gore fund-raiser?" he inquired.

"Well, to put it more descriptively… " Rubi began, "…NO!"

"Yeah right," Stallion snapped. He inserted the Ricky Martin CD as Nina noticed him.


Nina held down Kirkis's right foot, which was vibrating.

"You nervous?" Nina asked.

"Just in that foot," Kirkis said simply.

After finalizing Kirkis's last-minute preparations, the boxing ring's bell rang. The elf grimaced as he took small steps toward his opponent. Kirkis held his hands up to guard as Mike Tyson shot a couple of jabs.

That was also Stallion's cue to play the song. He started up the CD, and played "Livin' La Vida Loca".

Kirkis blanked out and started to go crazy. But before he could throw a single punch, Tyson tossed a killer right hook to Kirkis's head and knocked him all the way out of the ring, landing on Stallion.

The impact was more than enough to smash the notebook computer and stop the music. After a brief daze, Kirkis got up and got back in the ring, getting up by pulling up the ropes.

Stallion stared at the smashed computer. After an angst-filled feeling, he shoved the notebook computer on the ground and ran up the aisle, leaving Caesar's Palace.


Kirkis didn't know what to do but block. "Hey… wait!"

For some wacky reason, Tyson stopped punching. "Your shoe's untied!" Kirkis said, pointing at Mike Tyson's feet.

As he stared down to check his feet, Kirkis threw his hardest punch. It was at that moment he realized why Tyson was nicknamed "Iron Mike".

Tyson stood in response to the innocuous blow. "So it is!" He replied with his own hardest punch, sending Kirkis falling right on the mat.

Nina sighed.


Outside, Stallion was running as fast as he could to find something else that could play that tune. Despite his speed, Las Vegas was a huge city, and it would take a damn long time to find something that wasn't a casino.

He kept on running along like a championship sprinter, his feet clapping on the sidewalk at over six beats a second.


Back at the boxing match, Kirkis just kept getting socked by Mike Tyson's hooks. After the third punch, Kirkis walked off and ignored his bewildered opponent, as if to leave the fight.

Before he could make it to the ropes, he ran into a perturbed Nina. "Where do you think you're going?"

"This guy's getting on my nerves!" Kirkis complained. "He'll rip my ears out, even!"

"Get back in there or I'll rip your TONSILS out!" Nina commanded.

Kirkis could not speak for bitter remorse. He walked back to his opponent and went back to defending his head, which did little good, as he was blasted in the stomach and ribs.


About three miles out of Caesar's Palace, Stallion stared to hear faint tones of "Livin' La Vida Loca". He continued running, and found that he was getting closer.

After he stopped, he quickly noticed that the music was coming from a battery- powered, monitor-sized radio on display at a nearby electronics store.

"If I bring it back, Kirkis will cream that nut!" Without much hesitation, Stallion scooped up the radio like a kleptomaniac, and ran off in the opposite direction, back to Caesar's Palace.


The match was only getting more one-sided. Kirkis threw two punches, but both were glanced off easily by his opponent. His opponent then counterattacked with a hook to the head, sending Kirkis to the mat yet again. He got up on a count of six.

Mike Tyson then grabbed Kirkis, and kept throwing more low blows to his stomach.

Nina pouted. The first round wasn't even over yet! Suddenly, an idea popped up in her brain. She noticed Valeria eating a bag of hard candy with Rubi. She also noticed the bell-ringer sleeping on the job.

"Hey, an Ouroboros for a piece of candy," Nina begged.

"Uh, sure," Valeria replied.

Nina grabbed one of the candies, and chucked it at the bell, making a loud ding to end the round.

"Nyahhh!" The bell ringer was startled by the sudden noise.

Mike Tyson stopped throwing punches and returned to his corner. Kirkis stood dazed as Nina dragged him back to his corner.

The bell rang again. Tyson and Kirkis walked up to each other on the offensive. Kirkis made his move first, attempting to throw a hammering punch, but only ended up hitting the post.

"Dammit!" Kirkis held his right hand in pain as Mike Tyson slammed several more shots all around his body.

Reeling from the blows, Kirkis fell straight to the mat. He stumbled to get up as quickly as possible, but Mike Tyson only needed a huff and a puff of air to blow Kirkis down again.

"He's getting his second wind?" Valeria asked Rubi, as Kirkis got up for the second time, totally groggy.

"He's getting KILLED!" Rubi yelled.

Nina frowned. "I feel like a one-legged Monoped in an ass-kicking contest against Teepo! If I only had some of that music to cheer me up…"


"Hey Nina! I got it!" Nina turned around, and noticed Stallion say those very words carrying a large radio.

Stallion ran to the ring with the radio, which was still blaring "Livin' La Vida Loca" nonstop.

"Great!" Nina kissed Stallion joyously as he put the radio on Kirkis's corner of the ring.

Kirkis heard the tune, and his mind started to pop… but the music suddenly finished its finale, and brought Kirkis back to reality. Mike Tyson replied to the brief fanfare with his sixth knockdown punch.

The radio then changed the subject. "And now, my friends, the exciting conclusion. This is Paul Harvey, and here's the rrrrrrest of the story…"

Stallion pressed all of the tuning buttons. "The radio isn't signaling anything!"

"The radio ain't the only thing that's not signaling around here!" Nina grabbed the radio and smashed it on Stallion's head.

"D'OH!' Stallion grunted.

Nina pushed him off, forcing him to find something else that will play the tune.


In the ring, Kirkis held the ref as a shield to block Tyson's punches.

"What the hell do you think you're doing!?" the ref yelled. "I can't guard you from knockout blows!"

"Cleo and Kasumi did this to Young Master all the time," Kirkis replied.

Unfortunately for Kirkis, the ref moved out of the way right when Tyson tossed a hard right jab, sending Kirkis all the way into the ropes, tangling him.

"What's going on here!?" the ref demanded.

"Time out! Time out!" Kirkis whined.

"I suppose you want the rest of the night off, right?" Nina replied.


To avoid suspicion from filching the radio, Stallion ran in the opposite direction this time. After another three miles, he heard the song yet again.

Stallion stopped. This time, he saw the source - a much larger one. A disk jockey was playing that same song again on a "Whirlin' Disc Sound" van in front of thousands of screaming fans.

Stallion sneaked around to avoid anyone from noticing him. He reached the van, and opened the driver's side door. But when he opened the door, he noticed a guy dressed as some punk rock/alternative/rap hybrid.

"Go back to Enya, elf boy!" the punk yelled.

"Take a hike, M.C. Metallica!" Stallion replied, chucking the surprised punk out of the vehicle.

Stallion started the engine and drove the vehicle off, crashing through the gate and into the main road.


The second round over, Mike Tyson walked back to his corner while Nina dragged Kirkis to his respective corner.

Nina seated Kirkis as he grabbed a bottle of water. He drank it as Ryu handed the spit funnel to him, gesturing him to spit inside it

Dazed, Kirkis spoke in the spit funnel. "Hello, mother… It's not looking so good out here… Are you listening?… You look weary, ma…"

Nina slapped Kirkis back to reality. "Dummy! You've still got eleven rounds to go!"


The bell rang again, and Kirkis wearily entered the ring, attempting to give it all he's got.

The crowd was cheering, big time. Even Sylvina got into the act. "Get 'em, Kirkis! Hit 'em with that left!"

But Kirkis was dealing absolutely no damage as Iron Mike just wailed on him. Nina watched Kirkis take all those shots, chewing the sponge in angst.

Finally, Mike Tyson chopped Kirkis with a knockout blow, and he fell straight to the mat.

The ref started to give out the calls. "One… two… three…"


Just then, Stallion crashed right through the wall with the vehicle, running straight down the service ramp, and blaring "Livin' La Vida Loca" at full tilt.

Kirkis suddenly got his second wind, and started to go berserk.

"…Nine!" Before the ref could finish, Kirkis shot up, and started to charge toward Mike Tyson with a flurry of powerful blows.

"Yes! You're doing it!" Sylvina hugged Rubi tightly as Kirkis started his comeback.

"What's the big deal? I've seen it five times on Rocky," Valeria commented.

After about three dozen hammering shots, Mike Tyson fell straight to the ground, totally knocked out.

Seeing that there was no other use for the music, Stallion shut off the CD player.

Kirkis's reality just checked. "What happened?"

"You did it!" Nina yelled. "You defeated Mike Tyson!"

Stallion jumped out of the van and into the ring. "Yeah!"

"We put it all over," Nina and Stallion shook each other's hands. Ryu joined in as the three hugged one another.

"A winner is me," Kirkis sighed, from exhaustion.

Suddenly, the "Livin' La Vida Loca" tune began again. Ryu, Nina, and Stallion were the only three in the ring.

"CRAP!" Stallion yelled.



Designed, thought of, produced, scripted, and written by
Fred Delles



Ryu, Momo, Valeria, Rubi, Mike Tyson, and Don King as themselves
Nina as Nina: Warrior Princess
Kirkis, Sylvina, and Stallion as the Forest Protectors
The Soup Nazi as the restaurant chef
Other extras as themselves



Based on characters created by

Konami of Japan, Ltd. and Capcom Co. Ltd.


Special Thanks to:

Mieu Sedai, Joey Shijoue (aka Mousse Chuan), Emperor Zog, krumbo316,
The Breath of Fire Fan Community, and many, many others


The story, characters, and events portrayed in this fanfic are fictitious.
Any resemblance to actual persons or events is fully coincidental and/or unintentional.


© 1999 Fred Delles. All rights reserved.
Unauthorized duplication, in whole or in part, will force us to send Myria to get you. You have been warned…





The next night, Nina was struggling to fix up Momo's physique.

"One!" Nina yelled through a megaphone, as Momo was attempting to do a single pull-up on the bar.

"ONE!" Nina repeated, watching Momo struggle for about ten seconds. Finally, Momo jumped down and fainted.

"Okay, I'll help Rei steal the Power Runes in Gregminster!" Nina shouted.

"WOOHOO!" Momo cheered, raising her fists in the air.


THE END (for now, that is!)

Well, that's it. Any questions or comments will be greatly appriciated. Do not flame me or you will be blasted with the Gauntlet Legends BFG attack. You have been warned.

Fred Delles' Fanfiction