Final Fantasy 007: Jenova Never Dies

By Geode

(James Bond Themes cues up) A gun barrel slides across the screen from left to right following Vincent. At the far end of the screen, Vincent turns and shoots the man holding the gun barrel. Red trickles down the screen.


The Highwind shoots across the sky. It makes a quick landing near Nibelheim. Cloud, 007, and Vincent, 008, jump from the airship.

"Hurry up!" Cid shouted, "This is handicap parking!" The team of agents runs to the Shin-ra mansion. Vincent and Cloud walk up to the door. Vincent reaches for the door but then jumps back as Cloud pulls out a missile launcher.

"Doors wonít stop us!" Cloud shouted. A missile whooshed from his launcher and crashed into the door followed by an explosion. Vincent glared at Cloud.

"The door was open you moron!" Vincent shouted. Cloud shrugged and walked into the main hall of the Shin-ra mansion. They quickly exchanged glances and rushed up the stairs. They took a quick turn to the right and came to a huge stone column. Cloud is readying his launcher when Vincent steps in his way. "This door is open too!" Cloud groans and lays his gun next to the window. It accidentally launches and fires at a nearby house. Cloud blushes as Vincent stares at him.

"Thatís gonna cost usÖ" Cloud muttered to himself. Vincent grabs the gun awat from him and opens the hidden door. Cloud runs past him and comes to an immediate stop. "What?" A small sign with a chain hung in front of the stairs. It read, "Closed for Remodeling." The stairs were half disassembled and an aroma of paint filled the room. Cloud cursed. Vincent smiled and pressed a button on his shoes. A small flame erupted from a hidden engine in the boot and Vincent hovered down to the base of the floor. Cloud did the same. The team walked into the room with the coffins lying about. Vincent ran up to the coffin. He checked it and then slammed the side of the coffin.

"Damn!" Vincent muttered and removed a dry contact lens. Cloud waved his finger.

"I told you that it would be dried out!" Cloud growled. He kicked one of the coffins and then noticed a sound in the vacant laboratory of Professor Gast. The team stopped and walked into the laboratory. A small cloaked creature rummaged through papers on the Professorís desk. Cloud stepped forward and the floorboard creaked. The creature continued rummaging as though it hadnít heard the sound. Cloud checked the floor. "Hey! Where the hell is the dial code for the lock! This floor board creaked" The creature jumped at Cloudís words and ran behind the desk. Vincent rushed up and caught the creature. He looked like one of the black cloaked creatures which had inhabited the town a while ago.

"Who are you!" Vincent demanded of the creature. The creature looked up at Vincent.

"Iím #14!" the creature squeaked. "And you can let go of me because Iím not going to give you a Platinum Fist!" Cloud cursed. He really wanted a Platinum Fist.

"Why are you still here?" Vincent asked confused. "Werenít all the experiments killed by Sephiroth during the Jenova Reunion?" The creature shrugged.

"I never graduated Jenova High SchoolÖ" the creature said shyly. Vincent was about to hit him. He was getting sick of all these stupid puns. "No!! Really, I failed Professor Hojoís test." Cloud sighed. So he wasnít the only failure.

"But I thought that Jenova didnít exist anymore except for in the Crater," Vincent wondered out loud.

"You were right before this fanfic started," the creature replied. "Jenova has been spawned into three separate organisms. Theyíre roaming this planet even as we speak!"

"Who did this? Sephiroth?" Cloud demanded. The creature shook his head.

"Iím not allowed to say anything elseÖ Iím here just to start the plot," the creature told the secret agents. "Now Iím just going to blank out an start blurting out non sensible phrases." The creature went limp for a second and then began to stare around the room. "WhereÖ areÖ youÖ GreatÖ Sephiroth! YouÖ haveÖ Tifaís underwear!"

"So that solves the mystery!" Cloud told Vincent.

"About Jenova still existing?" Vincent asked. Cloud shook his head.

"NoÖ About Tifaís Orthopedic Underwear. It was in the flashback sequence and then gone when we came back," Cloud explained to Vincent. Vincent shook his head at Cloud and they rushed out of the Shin-ra mansion to relay this new information to the team. The Jenova informationÖ not the underwear.


"Everything is going according to planÖ" a voice came from the shadows of a lab. The man stepped into the light. It was Professor Hojo.

"Excellent Hojo!" the voice clanged. "Once the organisms have become strong enough, we will send them out to fight for us!" Hojo nodded.

"At the rate that they are developingÖ It shouldnít be long now!" Hojo laughed. The screen fades out.


"Okay, Lemme get dis straight. You sayiní there are more of dem Jenova things?" Barret asked Vincent. Vincent nodded.

"Thatís what the guy in the cloak told us," Vincent told Barret.

"Well we have to find them before they do any damage!" Cid shouted. His cigarette hung from his mouth.

"We donít have any idea where to look," Cloud told the team. "They could be anywhere!"

"We should go to headquarters," Vincent suggested. Cid and Barret nodded. Cid ran to the controls. He shifted the Highwind out of park and into four propeller drive. The Highwind flew from the ground and headed toward the headquarters. The Highwind lowered into the docking bay upon arrival and the four team members walked from the Highwind through the hall leading towards the briefing rooms. They passed three men who were busy attaching a jet engine to Cloudís motorcycle. On the other side, a man was painstakingly carving materia slots into the Nail Bat. They approached the briefing room and found Red 013 and Cait Sith playing Final Fantasy Tactics. Cait Sith turned to Cloud.

"Hey Cloud," Cait Sith hopped over to Cloud. "When do you get the Cherry Blossom Limit Break?" Cloud looked confused. Cid ran over and pulled the plug.

"All right guys! Sit the %$*& down!" Cid shouted. The characters in the room took seats at the long table. "Weíve been searching for your Jenova freaks and weíve found ëem." A monitor turned on and a map appeared. "We have locatedÖ#$%@! Wait a second." Cid stormed out of the room and screamed at someone. A minute later, Cid dragged Shera in with cups of tea. She passed them out and then left. Cid took a sip. "Thatís more like it!" Cid said to himself.

"Excuse me Cid," Red 013 asked, "Donít you think you may have a little too much caffeine as it is? I mean youíre always hyper andÖ"

"#$%@ you, you $#%^@* lion thing!" Cid shouted. Barret slammed his gun on the table.

"Can we get on wit dis!" Barret complained. Cid took another sip and walked up to the monitor.

"We have located two of the Jenova creaturesÖ" Cid pointed to the screen. "One of them is in the town near the Great Glacier. And the other is in the remains at Mideel." Two Xs came up on the map. "Weíll split the team into two groups. Cloud, Tifa, Aeris, and myself will head for the Great Glacier. Vincent, Cait Sith, Red 013, Barret, and Yuffie will head for Mideel." Cid took another smoke from his cigarette. "Vincent, you follow Aeris. Cloud, you come with me." Vincent gets up from his chair and enters another room with Aeris.

"Now Mr. Valentine, this is a very special mission so we are calling for two special agencies," Aeris explained.

"Who?" Vincent asked wondering. Aeris turned.

"Iím not allowed to say right now, it would ruin the surprise." Aeris says to Vincent but directs it more to the readers. "Now, I have organized some equipment for you." She removes three items from underneath a large desk. She holds up a spray bottle. "This is what you are going to be armed with." She places the bottle in his hand.

"What is it?" Vincent asked inquisitively.

"You know how Jenova can reform herselfÖ Well this is Jenova Remover. If you spray it in the vicinity where Jenova was destroyed, the remains of Jenova will disintegrate instantly." She sprays some in the air. "It even has a fresh lemon smell to it." She picked up another item. This one was a small bottle. "This is Mak-O," Aeris exclaimed and put it in Vincentís hand. "This drains Mako energy from the target you pour it on. Get it on a Jenova and it should do the trick." Vincent stared down at the bottle.

"HmmÖ Only Family Size?" Vincent asked.

"They were all out of kill Jenova economy size at Wall MartÖ I mean Wall Market." Aeris took the final item from the table. "This is a Mako inoculation. If you or any of your team mates get Mako poisoning from all the Mako surrounding JenovaÖ Use this." She gave the small tablets in a bottle to Vincent.

"How many should we take?" Vincent asked. Aeris pointed to the back of the bottle. Vincent flipped it over and read it. "Ages 12-20, 2 tabletsÖ Ages 21-40, 3 tabletsÖ Ages Unknown, 4 tablets (Vincent)Ö Ages 100-up, 5 tablets (Red 013)Ö"

Vincent nodded to Aeris and walked out of the room.

"Weíre ready?" Cid asked the team. "Everyone nodded. Move outÖ," Cid called, "Or as Cloud says itÖ Letís Mosey!" Cid said mocking him. Cloud was going to Omnislash him, but Vincent held him back.


"Are we there yet?" Yuffie moaned as the Tiny Bronco glided through the air towards Mideel.

"You said that a minute agoÖ And I said noÖ" Red 013 growled at her. Cait Sith and Barret looked out towards the south while Vincent flew the ship in the direction which would lead them to Mideel. Barret narrowed his eyes as Mideel came into view a few moments later.

"Díere it is!" Barret shouted to Vincent. Vincent nodded and banked the ship towards the huge green crater. He quickly landed the Tiny Bronco on the edge of the jungle. The team filed from the ship and headed towards the remains of Mideel.

"GeeÖ I donít see any path of destruction or anythingÖ" Cait Sith mumbled.

"Iím glad there is no path of destruction!" Vincent told the oversized Mog and cat. They reached the town and glimpsed around it.

"I wonder where everyone is?" Yuffie asked as she surveyed the town. Suddenly her face brightened. "Riot! I get first takes on the electronics stores." She began to run away but Vincent smacked her in the back of the head.

"Not now Yuffie!" Vincent snapped at her. Yuffie went silent. They looked around the crater. No one was anywhere. Suddenly, Vincent heard a shout.

"Good sirs!" the doctor of Mideel shouted, "Run here quick!" Vincent looked up to the steep incline which led to the house of the crazed woman with her white chocobo. The team began to walk towards them when a tentacle snaked out from the crater. It whipped at Barret. Barret dodged the attack but nearly lost his balance.

"Maybe we better run here quicker!" Cait Sith reinterpreted the doctorís advice. "Itís just what the doctor ordered!" Vincent would have hit him, but he didnít feel like being hit by the huge tentacle. The team jumped to the safety of the house. Something in the crater groaned and the tentacle retracted back into the crater. The team looked over the citizens of the town.

"Is that Jenova?" Vincent finally broke the silence. The nurse nodded.

"It appeared here a few days ago. We fled here to stay out of itís reach," The nurse explained. "But, it seems to be getting bigger from the Mako energy every day." Vincent contemplated how they could attack it in the crater.

"I know!" Cait Sith finally shouted. "Iíll summon something!!" Vincent looked over to the cat.

"Who?" Vincent asked, but Cait Sith had already started the summon.

"Neo Bahamut!" Cait Sith shouted. Vincent lunged to stop the cat, but he didnít make it. The ground shook beneath them. But the land wouldnít come undone. It shook again. It still wouldnít pull apart.

"You guys make this so difficult!" a voice screeched from the sky. Neo Bahamut flew down from the sky. He glanced over the area and scratched his head. "Where is the monster?"

"Heís in the crater!" Cait Sith shouted. Neo Bahamut looked inside the crater and scowled.

"I donít see anything!" Neo shouted at the team.

"Thatís because heís hiding in the life stream you over-sized butterfly!" Yuffie shouted back. Neo Bahamut turned red in anger.

"Butterfly huh? Iíll show you what the advanced 007 Neo Bahamut can do!" Neo Bahamut roared. He spread out his wings and suddenly a huge cannon appeared on his back. He aimed the cannon at the crater. "HahÖ Wait till you seeÖ!" Neo Bahamut began but didnít finish. A tentacle shot out from the life stream and snaked around Neo Bahamutís head. The tentacle pulled Neo Bahamut to the ground and began to bash him left and right. After the third of fourth time the tentacle tossed Neo aside. Neo Bahamut groaned. "OwwwÖ" Neo Bahamut moaned and took off whimpering like a puppy. Suddenly the ground shook again, but it wasnít Neo Bahamut. Three tentacles snaked up from the sides of the crater. The tentacles pulled at the ledges and lifted up a huge massive body.

"That would be Jenova," Red 013 stated. Jenovaís eyes peered over the group.

"DamnÖ Jenova is haviní one of dose bad headless days!" Barret shouted and raised his gun. "Letís fry dis alien freak!" Barret and Vincent unleashed two powerful shots on the huge Jenova creature. The creature groaned and swung a tentacle at them which barely missed.

"Now letís seeÖ" Red 013 though out loud. "How does Cosmo Memory go again?"

"If the limit is called Cosmo MemoryÖ Shouldnít it be easy to rememberÖ ugh!" Cait Sith got one stupid comment in before getting smacked by a tentacle. Suddenly Yuffie ran forward.

"Hah!! I have the ultimate power!" Yuffie cried. "While you guys were watching Neo ButterflyÖ I stole a piece of materia from you!" Yuffie revealed a piece of materia over her head. "I now have the power ofÖ" Yuffie glanced at the materia. Her face went white. "HPóMP Flip!?" Yuffie cried. "Nooooooo!" Jenova smacked her lightly with a tentacle. Yuffie collapsed and dropped the materia. Vincent ran over and stepped on the materia.

"Good riddens to this piece of $%#^!" Vincent said to himself. Vincent raised his gun and fired another shot at the monster.

"Me Jenova!" the creature cried. "I canít be defeated." It raised two tentacles in the air. "Mako Wave!" A huge green wave erupted from the crater and rushed over the team. Cait Sith and Red 013 were thrown back while Barret and Vincent kept their ground.

"We canít beat it!" Barret growled. He took another shot at the huge monster. "Nuthiní is haviní any effect!"

"Where is that backup Aeris told me about!" Vincent cursed. On cue, a huge blue blast crashed into Jenova and knocked her straight off her tentacles. Vincent, Cait Sith, Red013 and Barret turned to see two men walk out from behind a tree. (Men In Black Theme Cues Up)

"Agent Unknown J and Agent Unknown K at your service!" One of the men in black shouted. He fired another blast at Jenova and pushed her back some more. Jenova screeched and fired green fire from her face. Vincent, Barret and the Men in Black jumped out of the way.

"Okay agentsÖ" Vincent started, "You expert in this stuffÖ Tell us how to beat her!"

"You still have that Mak-O?" Unknown J asked. Vincent nodded and remembered the bottle in his pocket. He pulled it out and opened the cap. "Toss it at her!" Vincent hurled the bottle at the monster. Jenova screamed.

"IÖIím meltingÖ meltingÖ Ohhh what a world!" Jenova cried in her eerie voice. Her tentacles oozed apart and her cells splattered across the ground.

"You better stay dead!!" Barret roared. Vincent pulled out his lemon scented Jenova remover and sprayed the area.

"You arenít coming back now Jenova!" Vincent commented and put away his spray bottle.


The Highwind flew across the sky and backed near Mount Correl. The Highwind say the huge arched sign and pulled up near the restaurant. Cloud, Cid, Tifa and Aeris filed out of the airship.

"I donít understand how youíre hungry on a mission like this!" Cloud snapped at Cid. Cid brushed off the comment and continued into his favorite restaurant. Mak-O Donalds. The team walked over to the cash register.

"What would you like sir?" a woman behind the counter asked Cid.

"Iíll have a Big Mako with some coffee," Cid replied. He took a puff of his cigarette.

"Would you like to super size it for 39 gil?" she asked. Cid nodded. She punched in X-Coffee instead of Coffee. After a few moments she came back and gave him his meal.

"Now can we continue?" Tifa asked impatiently. Cid nodded and they walked out.

"We could have used the drive-threw," Cloud told Cid. Cid shook his head.

"I miss the clearance for the window by 20í some odd feet," Cid explained. They filed back onto the ship and took off.

"$%#^! This coffee is too hot!" Cid shouted as he spilled some coffee on himself "Iím gonna sue these @$#%@%&^Ö" Cid stopped as he read the WARNING HOT! WARNING HOT! WARNING HOT! Label on the cup. He cursed and kicked the controls.

"At least we didnít go to Kentucky Fried Chocobos," Tifa replied.

"How much longer until we reach Great Glacier area?" Aeris asked the pilot.

"Not longÖ" Cid replied as he flew near the glacier. "Weíre almost there!" A moment later the Highwind parked next to the town. Cid had installed skis in case of an emergency snow landing. The team left the Highwind and entered the icicle town. Tifaís teeth were chattering as she entered the area in her tanktop and mini skirt.

"Give it up Tifa!" Aeris chimed to her. "Your going to freeze your $@# off!" Tifa shook her head.

"Never!" Tifa cried back. "I will never give any leverage to you!" Cloud removed a small remote control from his pocket. It beeped towards the center house. Professor Gastís laboratory.

"Itís in there," Cloud pointed to the abandoned house. Everyone prepared their weapons.

"WowÖ I never did get to see this part of the game!" Aeris told Cid. "This ought to be interesting." Cid opened the door and peered inside. He waved and the team followed him in. The laboratory looked unchanged. The team split and looked around the room.

"Where is it?" Aeris asked Cloud. Cloud walked to the center of the room and fiddled with the device.

"Oh!" Cloud cried. He watched on the screen as the four dots, the team, were slowly being approached by a green aura on the screen. "10 feet, 7feet, closing in."

"From where?" Cid roared and looked around the room.

"Itís directly above us!" Tifa cried. Suddenly, the ceiling ripped apart and Jenova crashed into the room. The creature snarled. Itís black claws scraping the ground. It glanced around the room.

"Letís get rid of this $%#^!" Cid shouted. He swung his Venus Gospel at the Jenova creature. It snarled and leapt over to the side.

"Jenovaís fast!" Tifa cried in awe. Jenova picked up a computer and threw it at the team. Aeris barely dodged the toss and Cloud rolled to the side. Cloud reached in his black suit and pulled out a large book. It read on it, "Idiots Guide to Omnislash."

"Letís see hereÖ I position my sword like this," Cloud said out loud and lifted his sword above his head. A gust of wind swirled around him. "Now I put the sword in front of me and make pretty colorsÖ" Cloudís sword flashed with brilliant colors. "And now I smash the enemy with my sword a few times." Cloud nodded and shut his book. He rushe up to Jenova and began to slash and cut and slice through Jenovaís thick hide. Cloud finished Omnislash and leapt back. Jenova groaned and then raised itís arms.

"Ultima!" Jenova screeched. A huge green blast rocked the laboratory.

"Radiation!!" Cid screamed and ducked under the desk. Cloud and Tifa were thrown against the wall. Aeris had hidden from the attack and now came rushing at Jenova. She pulled out her Princess Guard and struck Jenova in the back. Jenova screamed again and knocked Aeris over with a quick slash with her claws. Cid got out from under the table and looked raised his Venus Gospel. He held his hand to his chin. "How did they get rid of it again?" Cid said to himself. "Oh yeah, they sent it into space!" Cid looked around. "But their is no $#%@*&% space here!" Tifa heard Cidís comments and tossed him a piece of materia.

"Use this!" Tifa yelled as Jenova swiped at her with itís claws. Cid looked at the name engraved in the materia.

"Escape!! What the $@%#!!" Cid shouted. Then he realized it was at level 2. "All rightÖ Remove!!" A huge portal opened up behind Jenova. The creature snarled and pinned itself to the floor to avoid being sucked in.

"Oh no you donít!" Cloud yelled. He pulled out a piece of yellow materia and it glowed a pale yellow. He ran up to Jenova and unleashed a blow to her face. An inner jaw shot out her mouth and tried to bite Cloud. Cloud avoided the bite and watched Jenova get pulled into the void. The void closed.

"GreatÖ Now ten million people are going to make fanfics on what happened to Jenova!" Cid commented a smoked his cigarette.

"What materia was that?" Tifa asked. Cloud showed her the materia.

"Morph," Cloud replied. Cid slapped his head and cursed.

"Well now thatís doneÖ" Aeris didnít finish as two figures stood in the doorway. The team peered at the new arrivals. (X-Files theme cues up)

"Whoíre you guys?" Tifa asked. A man and a woman in stepped into the light.

"Agent Skully and MulderÖ FBI," the man replied. "We came to investigate a reported UFO siting." The woman stepped forward and showed Aeris a picture of the Jenova they had just fought.

"Her name is Jenova-Imbecility. She has been feeding off of Mako generators in the area supposedly," agent Skully told her. "Have you seen anything suspicious?" Cid chuckled and continued smoking.

"Your Jenova just got sucked into another dimension!" Cid laughed. Mulder pounded a desk.

"Damn!" Mulder growled, "The government has gotten to the body again. First they burn the bodies now this! How are we supposed to do the autopsy now!"

"Well we are looking for another JenovaÖ If you want to come alongÖ" Aeris began.

"Hey wait a minute!" Cid shouted. "What these guys are fakes like that $#%@^% Cait $#%! How do we know we can trust them?"

"See Skully no one believesÖ" Mulder told his companion.

"Wait a minute!" Cloud interjected. "If they want Jenova! They can have her. Why should we stop them." Cid shrugged.

"Fine, Come if you want," Cid told the two agents. Skully and Mulder nodded to each other.

"We accept your proposition," Mulder told Cid. Cloud pulled out his PHS and began dialing for Vincent. "Hey whatís your name?" Cloud looked up.

"CloudÖ James Mc CloudÖ" Cloud began. Cid kicked him in the shins.

"Wrong game #$%@&^%!" Cid shouted. "Thatís Star Fox!"

"Oh I mean Agent 007!" Cloud said and wiped his head. Cloud continued dialing.


"What exactly are men in black? Are you guys a cult?" Cait Sith asked the team.

"I told you before. No, we are not a cult!" Agent Unknown K told the cat. "We are a secret organization designed to deal with extraterrestrial life." Vincent admired the manís gun.

"Why canít they put guns like that in the game!" Vincent exclaimed.

"And whyíd you come again?" Barret asked impatiently.

"Weíre backup sent by another agency," J told the group. "We were sent to stop Jenova-Regurgitation."

"What a nameÖ They must be really running out of ideas!" Cait Sith exclaimed.

"Okay. Now that weís gotten rid of da alien freak! Where do we go next?" Barret asked Vincent.

"We have to wait for Cloud to call us back," Vincent told the cat.

"Did anyone ever tell you guys that you look like Turks?" Cait Sith asked J.

"Did anyone ever tell you that you look like a complete @$$&*%^ riding on that fat white thing?" J responded. Cait Sith began to count when the PHS began to ring.

"I got it!" Yuffie screamed and pulled it out from her bag.

"Hey thatís mine!" Vincent shouted and knocked it out of her hands.

"Be careful! Let me answer it!" Barret yelled and leapt for the PHS. Cait Sith tripped him.

"Itís mine!!" Cait Sith shouted and grabbed the phone.

"Hellooooooooooooo?" Cait Sith answered the phone. "Uh huh, yea, uh huh. Hold onÖ Vincent are you interested in long distance savings?" Vincent grabbed the phone and hung it up. Another call came through.

"Listen you ^&*%$!" Vincent started and then heard Cloudís voice.

"You Okay Vincent?" Cloud called through the PHS.

"Yea, Iím all right. Whatís going on?" Vincent asked.

"We took out the Jenova creatureÖ Howís your situation?" Vincent asked.

"Jenovaís gone here too," Vincent replied.

"Stay at Mideel. Weíll come and get you," Cloud said and hung up the PHS. Vincent turned to the team.

"Theyíre on their way," Vincent told the team. "Hey, what is Yuffie doing over there?" Vincent muttered to himself as he approached the ninja.

"I wonder what this thing doesÖ" Yuffie asked herself. She raised the pen like object in front of her.

"Yuffie, where did you get that?" Vincent reprimanded the girl ninja.

"Uh, No where," Yuffie replied. Vincent grabbed for the pen like object. "Donít make me use it on you!" Yuffie warned. She held the pen up in front of her and aimed it at Vincent. She pushed a button on it. A flash emitted from the device and Yuffie passed out. The men in black walked over to where Vincent was looking at the ninja.

"Ahh nuts. It happened again," K moaned. Vincent poked Yuffie. Yuffie got up and looked around.

"Where am I?" she asked plainly.

"Whatís wrong with her?" Vincent asked. K pocketed the pen device.

"She temporarily displaced her memory. Donít worry. It comes back 9 out of 10 times," J explained. Vincent shrugged and looked toward the sky and waited for the Highwind.

"At least Yuffie wonít steal anything for a little whileÖ" Vincent said.


An hour later, the team was on the airship. The team was positioned in the briefing room.

"We have been searchiní da planet for the life signs of Jenova and we have been led here!" Barret explained and pointed at a point on the map.

"Where is that?" Vincent asked.

"Lucreciaís CaveÖ" Barret said. Vincent frowned.

"LucreciaÖ" Vincent whispered to himself.

"Weíll head there now!" Cid shouted. The Highwind roared through the sky.


"Hojo!!" a voice from the shadows shouted. "We cannot let them fight the remaining Jenova. It will ruin my plans!"

"Do not worry," Hojo remarked. "I will send the Scarlet after them." The man rose into the light. His metallic face glinted in the light.

"I will come alsoÖ Take me to the airship!" the man said.

"As you wish President Rufus!" Hojo told him.

"We will stop them Hojo. Mark my words!" Rufus began his maniacal laugh. Hojo soon followed with his.


"We are almost there!" Cid shouted to his teammates. They hovered over the lake near Lucreciaís cave. The Highwind was preparing to lower itself so that the team could parachute when the Scarlet seared through the thick clouds in the sky.

"Not so fast!" Scarletís voice rang through the air. "We canít let you through!" The Scarlet unleashed a barrage of lasers on the Highwind.

"That broad again!" Cid yelled. He backed the airship to the right and opened his cannons. He unleashed a round of shots on the Scarlet. The Scarlet took the brunt of the shots. Suddenly, the airship swooped over the Highwind and three figures leapt from it.

"The Turks!" Aeris yelled. Reno, Rude, and Elena appeared at the front of the airship.

"Time to end this!" Rude shouted.

"Weíre gonna get you this time!" Elena yelled. Reno stepped behind her.

"Donít act soÖ" Reno didnít get to finish. Elena turned around a kicked the Turk in the crotch.

"That ought to shut you up for a while!" Elena commented. "Now itís your turns!" Rude leapt forward and punched Cloud in the face. Cloud got up and straightened his bow tie. Then he quickly countered with his Ultima Weapon. Rude quickly dodged the blow. Barret ran up and began firing shots at Elena and Reno. The Turks quickly ran for cover. Yuffie stared around.

"Whatís going on? Whatís happening? Whatís my name!!?" Yuffie yelled questions. Red 013 ran over to her and tried to explain.

"Weíre fighting the Turks so that we can to Lucreciaís cave and stop another Jenova creature. And your name is YuÖ I mean uh Goofie!" Red 013 added and laughed to himself.

"Hmmm, all right Híyuck! Let me help too!" she ran up to Reno. "Grease Lightning!" she shouted.

"Thatís Greased Lightning you %#@^&!" Cid shouted as he swung his spear at Rude.

"WhateverÖ Greased Lightning!" A red light shined around Yuffie. She ran up to Reno and slashed him with her Conformer. Reno got knocked back and quickly retaliated.

"Electro Mag Rod!" he shouted and shocked Yuffie. Yuffie fell back. The Men in Black and the X-Files agents readied their weapons. Though they were still a little confused. They got the gist if what was going on.

"Fire at the guy that looks like Mr. Clean!" Agent Unkown K shouted. They aimed their guns and fired at Rude. Rude screamed like a girl and ran behind some of the Highwidn controls. Aeris, Tifa and Cait Sith were circling Elena.

"Take this!!" Elena shouted and threw a grenade. Cait Sith caught it.

"AwwwÖ You really shouldnít have," Cait Sith blushed at his gift. Aeris grabbed it from his hands and threw off the ship. An explosion followed. Cait Sith glared at Aeris and a tear came down his cat face. "That was mine!" Tifa ignored the stupidity for the moment and ran up to Elena.

"Your going down blonde!" she shouted. She grabbed Elenaía hair and pulled her off her feet. She tripped the confused Turk and Elena went flying into the controls and went unconscious. Vincent had Rude cornered. Reno and Cloud were trading blows.

"I think we should retreat!" Rude called to Elena. Elena nodded. They ran to the side of the airship and watched the Scarlet come up next to them. They leapt on. Elena shouted back to Reno.

"Come on!" Elena shouted. Reno didnít argue. He ran past Tifa and gave her a whirl. Tifa was about to do Final Heaven on him but he just jumped off the airship into nothingness.

"How the %$^# does he do dat!" Barret shouted.

"Wouldnít that kill him!" Mulder asked Cloud. Cloud shrugged.

"He did in Midgar during the Pillar Assault and heís still here isnít he?" Cloud told the bewildered FBI agent.

"Letís go!" Vincent called. He jumped off with his parachute.

"Geranimo!" Cloud called.

"Aeris is a $%#^%!" Tifa yelled and jumped off with Red 013.

"So is Tifa!" Aeris shouted and jumped with Barret.

"Theyíre magically delicious!" Cait Sith shouted. He was completely clue less to what was going on. Cid jumped after him.

"Here come the Men in Black!" the two agents started the theme song.

"I want to believe!" Skully shouted and she jumped with Mulder. Yuffie sat and tried to think of a fancy phrase. She couldnít remember one so she just jumped. The teams opened their parachutes and floated towards Lucreciaís Cave. The teams eventually made it to the cave and stood around the opening.

"Letís go!" Vincent told the team. They filed into the cave. It was empty. He glanced around the cave. The team looked for where the Jenova organism might be.

"Lucrecia!" Vincent called out. His voice echoed through the cave.

"Vincent?" a womanís voice came from behind Lucreciaís altar. Vincent approached the altar. "Donít come any closer!"

"Donít worry! He already stole the Death Penalty and Chaos!" Cait Sith shouted. Cloud slapped him in the head.

"VincentÖ You must leaveÖ pleaseÖ you mustnít!" Her voice dropped and everything was silent. Suddenly, a huge form lowered from the ceiling.

"Jenova-Photosynthesis likes this place," a voice came from behind them. "It can produce all the Mako it wants from simple nutrients in the walls and sunlight." The team turned to find Rufus and Hojo standing there.

"But Mako is soul energy!" Aeris argued. "It canít just create itís own!" Rufus pulled out a notebook and skimmed through it.

"Damn, you werenít supposed to knowÖ Fine! It isnít real Mako! Itís imitation Mako! But it still works." Rufus laughed. "And now you will add to itís supply of nutrients!" Jenova-Photosynthesis lowered itself down. It was a huge green creature. Tendrils spread across the ceiling which supported itís huge central body.

"Time for that autopsy!" Cid yelled out. The organism began to lash out at the team members. The Men in Black blasted the creature with their high tech weapons. The organism spit up a green slime all over the Men in Black. They were paralyzed. Cait Sith reached in his bag and grinned.

"Now we summon more things!" Cait Sith shouted. "Knights of the Round!!!!!!!!!!!" Everyone looked up in surprise.

"Itís about time you did something right!" Cloud called over to Cait Sith. A portal opened and the first knight flew towards Jenova. It readied itís sword and then prepared for the first slash. But then he stopped and faded away.

"What happened!" Tifa cried. Cait Sith scratched his head and looked down at the summon materia. A red light was blinking on it.

"HmmmÖ Low Batteries?" Cait Sith moaned and opened the materia. "What Mako batteries!! I told you to use Energizer!" Red 013 groaned and banged his against a cave wall. Suddenly the energizer rabbit marched by.

"What the $#^&! Get the hell out of here!" Cid yelled and the bunny dropped itís ears. It spun around and left.

"I wonder if it has Jenova cells?" Cait Sith asked. "That would explain why he lasts so long!" Yuffie ran over and hit the cat but she wasnít sure why she did it. Vincent fired up at the Jenova. It screeched as green blood poured from the shot. It roared at Vincent.

"Mako Infestation!" Green energy shot into Vincentís body. He began to convulse. Vincent reached in his pocket for the inoculation and quickly administered it to himself. Cloud and Barret leapt onto the huge monster and began to slash and blast the support roots of the Jenova. It waved tendrils at Barret and knocked him back to the ground. Aeris stared up at the creature as it seemed to revive itself.

"I think that itís regenerating itself!" Aeris cried shocked.

"Then we have to kill it quick!" Cid shouted. He quickly cast a spell. "Comet 2!" Comets fell from the ceiling, no one could explain it, and crashed into Jenova. Jenova roared and fell from the hits to the ground. Green blood flowed everywhere.

"Ewwww!" Aeris groaned. "Now I look like Tifa!" Tifa gave her a glare and started puching and kicking Jenova. Jenova responded by spitting the green slime. It paralyzed Tifa instantly.

"Letís end this!" Mulder called out. He continued shooting with his hand gun at the Jenova organism. Skully quickly followed his example.

"No!!!" Rufus cried. "Stop them Hojo!" Hojo ran up but the FBI agents turned to him.

"Hold it right there!" Mulder warned the scientist. Hojo stopped.

"I wouldnít advise doing thaaÖ" Hojo didnít finish. Vincent had shot the scientist in the leg.

"Enough of your #$@% Hojo!" Vincent growled and continued on Jenova. Barret got to his feet and got ready to end this fanfic.

"Catastrophe!" Barret cried. A red aura filtered around him. He shoved his gun in the ground and launched himself into the air. He fired a huge ray down on the unsuspecting organism. Jenova screamed and then fell silent.

"You will never defeat meÖGRR ZRR GRAM!!" Jenova cried and pressed a small panel on the wall with one of her tendrils. "Ha Ha Ha HaÖ"

"What did she do?!" Tifa cried to Hojo.

"UhhhÖ Nothiní Good Bye!" Hojo quickly yelled and ran out the cave with Rufus.

"I donít like thisÖ Letís get out of here!" K told the team. The team began to run out the cave. Lucrecia held firmly to her altar. Vincent was about to leave when he saw Lucrecia.

"Leave me here!!" Lucrecia screamed but Vincent just grabbed her. He checked the altar to see if there was a Zeromus Limit Break but he couldnít find one so he ran out. He barely made it as the cave and the mountain exploded behind them.

The team were aboard the airship. It was a few hours later. The sun had set and night descended over the area. Although, it never seemed to be night time except in Midgar, Kalm, Nibelheim and Gold SaucerÖ This was a special occasion. The team had safely boarded he ship except Vincent who was still missing. They were patrolling the area in hopes of seeing Vincent.


"Why did you rescue me back their 008?" Lucrecia asked Vincent. Vincent shrugged.

"Itís my job and yourÖ your theÖ only oneÖ who ever went out with meÖ That is my sin." Vincent said blushing. Lucrecia smiled. "What are you going to do now that your cave is gone?"

"Iím not sureÖ That is my sin," Lucrecia reiterated the quote.

"You can come back with meÖ" Vincent told Lucrecia.

"Truly VincentÖ Then I willÖ But how will you contact your friends to find you?" Lucrecia asked.

"Will come?" Vincent asked.

"YesÖ I will," Lucrecia reassured him. Vincent nodded and stood up on top of the peak. Vincent presses something on his watch. The watch begins to emit a light into the sky. (Batman Forever Theme cues up) A huge yellow symbol with a bat shines across the clouds. The screen fades to black and the screen readsÖ "Vincent Forever!" (Batman Theme cuts offÖ James Bond Theme cues up!)


In conclusion to this story, Agent Unknown J and K return back to their movie. Agent Skully and Mulder return back to their sitcom. Rufus and Hojo disappear again. Yuffie regains her memory, except she still thinks sheís Goofie. Lucrecia joins up with the secret agency. And the story continues yet another time!


This fanfic was supposed to be loaded with lots of other entertainment, but those things were cut due to budget problems.


  1. We were supposed to cameo in about twenty more movies.
  2. Yuffie was supposed to use the memory eraser on Cloud, therefore, screwing up Cloudís memory even more!
  3. Sephiroth would have liked to be in it but heís on vacation right now.
  4. There were supposed to be ten more Jenovas.
  5. Lavos was supposed to crash into the planet and be the one who produced Jenova.
  6. The fanfic was supposed to end with Cidís rocket crashing into the moon.
  7. The government was supposed to burn all the evidence
  8. All the characters were supposed to have a rap music video with the Men in Black
  9. Jenova WEAPON was supposed to make his first appearance.
  10. Cait Sith was supposed to find the Master Summon Materia and wreak havoc throughout the fanfic.


James Bond, Aliens, Men in Black, Batman Forever and the X-Files are not my ideas! These are copyrighted names. I just used them to help in the story line. All characters and certain subjects in the story are copyrights of Squaresoft. So if you have a problem with ëem, go see them!


Thanks for reading my fanfic! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I had fun writing it. Iíd like to thank David Kowarsky, Khyros s, for the help in putting up the fanfic. I also want to give thanks to Omar Badawi, funki37, and Josh Deely, Phoenix AKA toro1210, for their ideas with certain jokes. I hope to be unleashing a whole mess of new fanfics and even a website (Gonna need time for this!) soon! Look forÖ


The Mock Materia List: The updated version

The Lost Years: Part 1 & 2

Final Fantasy 007: Golden Chocobo

Limits Revealed: Final Fantasy 7Ö Coming Soon!

Fantasies UniteÖ Coming SoonÖ Well eventually anyway!

The Lost Years: ConclusionÖ Coming Soon!

Where Summoned Monsters Come FromÖ This one has had numerous difficultiesÖ but it will be out soon!


I like to see E-Mail from people who admire my work. It helps me work faster! Send your thoughts, opinions, and ideas to Make sure you put Geode in the subject! Well, thanks again for having the time to read this fanfic.


Final Fantasy Fan and FanFiction Writer,

Christopher La Bianca AKA Geode

Geode's Fanfiction