Wake up…
?
Wake up Cloud…
What’s going on…?
“Is that you Cloud?”
Someone’s shaking me…
“Cloud?”
Please, go away…
Get up Cloud…
“…Cloud?”
I just want to be alone…
Wake up Cloud…
Light…
No, stop opening eyes…
You must wake up Cloud…
Who…who’s there…?
I am nobody…wake up Cloud…
But I...
Wake up!
Is that…?
“Are you…?”
“Tifa…?”
“Cloud, is that really
you…?”
“Tifa!”
“Cloud!”
“Oh Cloud, it’s really you!”
“Yeah Tifa, it’s me.”
That was how Tifa found me. Lying next to a train station, unconscious, surrounded by the filth of run-down slums in the mako-infested equivalent of Gotham City, Midgar. That was how I began remembering who I was, what I was, and why I was there. It was the ending of my mysterious life before, the beginning of a new one, and the merger of the two in ways that I didn’t understand until much later.
Most everyone knows what happened after Tifa found me--my joining of AVALANCHE, our struggle with and eventual victory over Shinra, my breakdown and recovery in the Lifestream with Tifa, the defeat of Sephiroth, the destruction of Meteor. That’s all been recorded and logged into the collective memory of Man that has been with us for as long as we have been here on Earth.
But does anyone know what happened before then with me? Only three people truly do, and two of them are dead. It took me many years to figure out and remember just what happened to me back then. There were many occasions when the pain I felt then was so fresh and real even after all these years that I had to remind myself that it’s not happening now. Just in the distant past which no longer occurs but still haunts me to this day.
One of the many reasons I was able to stay sane was my wife, Tifa. For without her, not only would my life before be a mystery to me, but I wouldn’t be here now. I probably would’ve perished next to that train station, cold, alone, with almost nothing to call my own and no one to call a friend. I’m not saying this because it may sound dramatic; I’m saying this because it’s true. The same applies for my past; it’s true and I can’t run from it any longer.
When Meteor was destroyed I was finally free to figure out what really happened to me, to find out why I suffered from nightmares so terrible that when I woke up the next morning after a peaceful night’s sleep I’d feel as if I missed out on something. Nightmares so terrifying that I’d still be trembling and feeling the adrenaline crackling through my veins like a whip hours after they’d end and I’d wake up screaming and sweating. I’d be scared stiff just thinking about going to sleep again; in the end though, my body would win the battle just by being exhausted and I’d either pass out in a chair or on a couch, or I’d manage to stumble into bed.
It hasn’t been easy remembering my past; many times I couldn’t do it simply by sitting down and concentrating--I’d go under hypnosis, which scared me almost as much as the thought of going to sleep again. But it’s been fruitful. I’ve been able to come to terms with my past and can start healing, this book being the final step in a process of healing that seemed to have no end in sight and appeared impossible. I thank the scientists whom I interviewed, if I didn’t maim them beyond repair or kill them before talking to them. They told me in rather cold tones the experiments they performed on me, as well as on my friend Zack. And while it’s been rather difficult to handle the overwhelming amount of things that were done to us, particularly me, I believe I’ve come quite far from where I was. The final process, for me anyway, of healing is now underway with the writing of this work, and as I continue to do so and eventually move on after writing this, I can only hope that all ghosts from my past have disappeared and I can finally enjoy my life.