Look At Me

By Luminaire

      It was quiet.  Very quiet.  And dark.  She shivered as a cold wind blew against her.  Everything felt hollow and empty, mournful, as if she was standing in a great canyon that had once been a river, but had lost its beautiful blue waters due to some unthinkable catastrophe.  Yes, it was dark.  The feeling of loneliness became so abundant that it pushed against her, biting into her, screaming out "You're alone!  You're alone!   There's nothing here that you can do!"

      Earith . . .

      She turned around, wide-eyed, hugging herself for warmth.  Someone was calling her name.

      Earith . . .

      "Who's there?" she called out, a fierce wind whipping back her long brown hair.  She shuddered, and then, suddenly, a strange feeling overcame her.  She felt light-headed, airy, as if she was not walking on something solid but instead floating through an endless void, never knowing where she was going, never realizing that she was being pulled further and further away from what she knew.  The feeling gripped her every sense, sending a wave of unfamiliarity coursing through her.  And yet she never fought back.  

      A swift wind current took her up and carried her through the darkness.  She felt sure of herself now.  She knew where it was taking her-she had known she'd go there someday soon.  Very soon.  She sighed.

      Come . . . to . . . us . . .

      A tiny bead of white light lay ahead of her.  She watched it with firm eyes, gripped her wrists tightly with the opposite hands.  The light was getting wider as she was being taken toward it.   Bigger, brighter . . . closer, closer . . .

      It was going to be much better than this dark place, she knew

      Much better than this loneliness.

      The light exploded, showering her with its rays, throwing back her hair and forcing her to shut her eyes.  A burning, cutting pain that had been seething in her abdomen began to subside.  The light engulfed her completely, and she suddenly began to feel cleansed.

      All became still.

      Earith's eyes remained closed.  She took a deep breath and touched her fingertips to her arm.  A strange tingling sensation was sent up her limb and to her head, where it remained until it slowly faded away.   Her breaths came short, quiet-everything around her was silent.

      It felt almost as if she was in a river.  An odd feeling, like something that of wind and water combined, swirled all around her in a fast-paced stream, going in one direction and yet in several others at the same time.  She didn't feel tugged at by any of these currents; it was more like a gentle suggestion or hint of the best place to go.

      She opened her eyes.

      Green.  All around her.  A bright green, almost neon green, swirling around and around with a sort of exuberant fervor.  It was like a fast-paced stream, soaring in different directions, seeming to come together at several snags and places in one instant and then seeming completely apart in the next.  The current had the feel and thickness of water, and yet flowed as gently and sedately as a cool wind.  A gentle smile crossed her face as the green changed currents and blew her soft hair in a different direction.

      She was among this flowing green stream of peace.   Within it, inside it, peaceful and serene.  Her spirit existed there, cleansed, naked, pure, a soul at peace.

      She was in the Lifestream.

      All pain had long since left her body.  All of the blood that had poured from the fatal and life-claiming wound was gone.  Every emotion of bleak anticipation and the burden of duty had vanished.  She felt . . . released.

      Earith . . .?

      She turned around to see a that small clutter of souls had gathered behind her in a small group.  They were whispering among themselves and staying back, as if they were afraid to get near this newcomer.  But one soul, one very familiar looking soul, came forward.

      She gasped as she felt the tears rise to her eyes.  Her hand came to her mouth with astonishment.  It was him.  The man whom she had loved, who had died so long ago . . .

      He halted in front of her, eyes locked on hers, never moving.  The gentle current of the Lifestream caused his wild black hair to be blown back from his face, revealing dark eyes that looked at her earnestly.  His face wore an expression of anxiety and concern, and he raised a shaking hand.

      She watched him as he brushed his fingertips against her face, as if making sure she was really there.  He lowered his hand and looked away.

      She reached out and took his hand in both of hers.

      Z . . . Zack . . .

      He pulled his hand from hers and shook his head from side to side.  Earith . . . what are you doing here?

      Why else would I be here?  She reached out to him again.  I-

      Don't say it.  Zack pulled away  still further.  You can't be dead.  Earith, no.  You're not supposed to die until a long, long time from now . . .

      Zack, I was murdered by Sephiroth.

      Please tell me it wasn't painful.

      Earith looked down at her hands, knowing that she couldn't lie to him.  She just couldn't, no matter how much he didn't want to hear the truth. . . . I was impaled on a sword.

      It can't be true.  Zack turned away from her.  No, you didn't deserve it at all.

      It was my time to return to the Planet, Earith pleaded, placing a hand on his shoulder.  Please don't turn away.  Look at me.  The only thing I can do to fight for everyone living is by contributing my spirit energy to the Lifestream.  As I have done now.

      Earith. Zack turned around; the current caught his hair and blew it into his face.  He brushed the long locks away with his right hand.  You knew . . . you were going to die?

      Yes.  Earith was surprised by her own words. Yes.  It was an odd feeling, it felt like I wasn't needed anymore.  As if I had already done everything I could ever do possible to help the Planet now.   I knew there was nothing else I could do.  I . . . accepted that.

      Did you?Was he . . . angry with her? Earith. He abruptly took her hands in his, and she nearly gasped.  There was a hollow, hopeless feel to them, something that felt so horribly wrong.   He had changed.  He was different somehow. I want you to realize something.  Look at me.  Look atus.  Everyone.He swept his arm and hers behind him in a wide gesture to the gathered souls.

      Earith looked.  Tears suddenly spilled down her cheeks without her knowing.  Because the souls appeared to be so . . . lost.   Afraid.  They were afraid of her?

Each of them looked tired and fearful, beyond hope, trembling, subdued and sodden with despair.  They stared back at her with wide eyes, practically cringing backward when she turned her face to see them.  

       Look what he did to us, Zack hissed in her ear.

       It was at that moment she realized that all of those souls before her were victims of Sephiroth.

       One of the souls stepped out from all the rest.  He hesitated for a moment, then approached her.  Earith.  Do you recognize me?

       She did.  And she wished that she didn't.  This was a man she knew all too well-straight, raven-colored hair cascaded down over his shoulders and tumbled down to his waist, dark mercury eyes peering into her own.  And even though the tiny black gem that he had always worn on his forehead was gone, she knew exactly who he was.

       This man, Tseng, practically glared at her.  But in his expression was a lost softness, something one couldn't quite place.  Was this a reflection of his past passion for her during his lifetime, or just a forsaken sliver of helplessness that all the souls conveyed?  

       I do.  I do.  She closed her eyes and covered her mouth with her hands, trying to stop the shuddering of her body as she fought not to weep.  But alas, the attempt was like trying to support a tiny sapling caught in a harsh, cruel wind with a twig.  It would always break.

       I knew you would.Tseng nodded, a hardness in his expression.  And yet this hardness did not mask the weakness in his eyes.   You gave up, didn't you?  You gave up.  You surrendered to that fucking idiot.  You could have avoided getting killed, you didn't have to be there and just sit there when Cloud Strife lost control, when he raised his sword above your head . . .

       Tseng-

      . . . and then when he finally snapped out of it, you still didn't move.  You should have run away.  It was obvious Sephiroth would be there, it was obvious-you . . . you watched me get killed, you should have known that he'd come for you next.

       An unusual emptiness overcame Tseng's eyes, making them look hollow, bleak.  On the word "killed," he almost even pivoted back, and she noticed that he was trembling.  But what was he trembling from-fear or anger?

       You wasted your life, he hissed, teeth clenched.

       Earith's hands moved from her mouth to her throat as she let out a loud sob that she couldn't suppress.  Why was he glowering at her with so much hate?  Why was he accusing her this severely?  And why was Zack just standing there?

       How could you? Tseng continued.  How could you just take your life for granted that way?  How could you?

       Tseng, I don't understand.  I . . . I don't know what's going on . . .

       All of our lives were cut short by Sephiroth.  We tried not to get killed.  We fought to our last breaths, we avoided him and feared him . . . and all of our attempts were in vain.  Then you come to the Lifestream, a victim of Sephiroth as well, and you come and tell all of our souls that you just sat there while he killed you?  That after we struggled all this time, you just let him kill you?

       She lowered herself down to a kneeling position, trembling, ashamed of the tears that rolled off her cheeks.  The other souls were glaring at her now, scowling with the same ferocity as Tseng.  She lowered her head as they all turned and wandered away without another word-Tseng, and even Zack with them.  They didn't believe her when she insisted that the Planet would be saved because of her death, she knew.  They refused to believe her.

       They'll see, she said through her sobs. When they see Meteor cast back into the sky, they'll see.  And then they'll believe.

       They will believe.

       Just . . . look at me . . .