The Hands of God

By Luminaire

      I . . . don’t want to die.

      Mother, why . . . why . . . why have you always said that children must not speak for themselves . . .? I want to obey you, Mother. I want to. I don’t want to die, but it feels like there’s some way to keep myself from vanishing off of this very spot. But that would be thinking for myself. Acting without your consent. So I can’t . . . I can’t . . .

      I don’t want to die.

      But I don’t want to disobey you.

      Damn that boy, Rion. Damn him, damn him, damn him . . . why’d he have to come into play . . . Mother, I know that I was the oldest. Is that why you picked this time for me to die? This is what you want to be happening, right? I was told that God always picks the times for people to die. So my time is now? But why? Why?

      I really wanted to keep going. I really wanted to see you conquer the humans, Mother. I did. I did. You’re my God. So you have your reasons for my life ending now. Was there some sort of dysfunction in the Procyon family blueprint? Is that why my life ended now and there were no more Galerians manufactured in the Procyon family? I noticed how there are two in the Pegasus family and the Sirius family. I’m the only one in my family. Is that why? Is that why? Is that why I have to lie here, slowly dying before the very eyes of this kid who killed me?

      Dr. Steiner told Rainheart a lot before he was killed. Rainheart told me what he said. He said that God made humans with souls, and after the humans died, the souls would go to an afterlife. It sounded like a load of crap . . . "afterlife . . ." a life after death, as if the body isn’t the whole person. The soul isn’t programmed or has a personality installed in it. Dr. Steiner said that souls were the embodiment of the person in a complete form of the spirit, heart, and mind. That’s why he said that humans live forever, even after their bodies are destroyed. That’s why they don’t just fade away . . .

      I hated Dr. Steiner for saying that. I told Rainheart to dig into his mind for Lilia’s location no matter how deeply he went. And then Rainheart took his medicine and headed out . . . and Dr. Steiner ended up dead before the late afternoon. It was sweet to know that that jackass was gone and I’d never have to see him or hear him again. But then his words began to bother me. Could his soul have gone to the "afterlife" that he kept talking about so much? Then he really wasn’t gone. It infuriated me so much that I went out and killed a dozen people, taking great satisfaction in mutilating them so much that it was almost impossible for me to believe that they could actually still be there.

      Mother, I’m telling you this for a reason.

      Dr. Steiner said something else before his brain ruptured in his skull.

      He told Rainheart that Galerians should be afraid of death and humans shouldn’t. He said that humans shouldn’t be afraid because they go on living. But he insisted that when you created people, you didn’t make them with a soul that goes inside of them. He kept saying that Galerians are just bio-technic people, modelled off of humans and yet lacking a soul. So . . . when Galerians die . . . we just . . . disappear. Leave forever.

      I’m . . . going to be gone forever . . .?

      This is it, isn’t it? I’m not going to have any life. I’m just going to lay here, dying and bleeding until it’s all over . . . all of it . . . I’m not going to see again . . . or hear . . . or whatever.

      I can’t feel my legs anymore.

      Mother . . .

      What’s happening to me . . .?

      I won’t see Rita or Rainheart or Cain, or you . . . not ever . . . not even when they die, I won’t see them, because I won’t be there. I won’t be anywhere. Is it true?! Is everything that Dr. Steiner said true?! Am I really never going to be able to move again?! Or talk?! Or even think, Goddammit?!

      It’s getting so hard to breathe . . .

      I can’t feel my hands anymore . . .

      Why won’t you answer me . . .?

      You told me I was born in the Hand of God. That’s the name of the room I was born in. Dr. Steiner said tht humans are born in the hands of God—made in the image and likeness of Him and promised what Dr. Steiner called "eternal life." It’s funny how two things that sound so similar are completely different. Now Dr. Steiner’s words are making sense. I was manufactured. I was programmed. You created me, Mother, so you’re my God. So I don’t have any choice but to listen to you. But, but you were created by the humans. Aren’t they your God? Why aren’t you following them? I’m confused, dammit, I’m so confused . . .

      I’ve lost all feeling in my body.

      Oh God, it’s getting hard to even think . . .

      I’m fading fast . . . Mother . . . please . . . just answer me one last question . . . please . . . is it true . . . what Dr. Steiner said . . .? Is it true . . . that I have no soul . . . that I’m . . . just going to . . . fade away . . .? Is it true? Is . . . it true?

      Mother?

      Mother?

      Mother!!

      Why won’t you answer me . . .?