Black and White Chapter 3
He sat there in the dark, all alone for an eternity, hopelessly trying to understand why he had fallen into this dreadful mess. He thought hard about the last two weeks, the last two months, the last two years, until finally he thought about his entire life. Not once could he find something to explain why he deserved this. Not once could he find a reason for him being here. Not once could he find an incentive for God to enjoy toying with him so much.
Why was there no one else here? He didn't want to be here anymore, he wanted to leave. It was like outer space: cold, bleak, empty, and dead silent. There were no stars, no sun, nothing to give even the faintest light. Only complete and utter blackness. He felt like a brain without a body. He couldn't move, he couldn't see, he couldn't hear, he couldn't even talk. He could only think. Strange that nothingness was the most horrifying experience he had ever had.
God, it was quiet. He could scream as loud as he wanted but still he wouldn't hear a thing. It was maddening. Where was the noise? He wanted so badly to hear something... to see something... to taste something... to smell something... to feel something... Anything! It didn't matter what, as long as it was something other than nothing. He couldn't stand nothing for another second.
How long ago was it that he had gone insane? A day? Maybe two? He was getting tired of living without time. Did this count as living? It was hard to say. Without time, there can be no beginning or end, two necessities for existence. So then was he dead? Was he in heaven, or hell? Neither, probably. God hated him too much to let him past the front gate, and as for hell, he had already been there and back, and this certainly wasn't it.
When was his angel coming? How he missed her... It had been far too long since he had touched her. He hoped in his heart that it wouldn't be long until everything was as it should be. No matter how far he strayed, her smile could and would always bring him back to where he belonged. Despite his growing impatience, he could wait as long as he had to. There wasn't anything else in this void he could do, anyway.
Somewhere in the darkness, he could hear a laugh. No. He had wanted something, but not that. No. Not even God could be this cruel. The thunk of a heavy boot taking a step echoed. It couldn't be. He had watched him die. A thin, impossibly long blade shone in the distance, and a heinous sort of smirk lay etched on the owner's face.
Another footstep. He whimpered a little as he felt a forgotten fear climb up his spine. No. This monster couldn't be here. He was dead. Dead and gone. He had watched him die. He couldn't be here. No no no no no no...
"Adam," the voice sneered jokingly. "you're looking well."
No no no no no no no no no no no no...
Four days had passed since Bill had been found dead in the streets. His funeral had been somewhat of a detached gathering, occupied mostly by acquaintances of the deceased, as opposed to close friends and family, neither of which Bill had. No one had cried, and most who were there felt that they shouldn't be. It had been a closed-casket ceremony, for obvious purposes. The whole affair had been sad, but for all the wrong reasons.
Elmyra was on her way back, her face careworn and exhausted. She was a plain looking woman, with a wide waist and a regular face. Her clothes were just barely above the rest of the slums as far as quality went: a long brown skirt with a comfortable violet blouse, along with a white flowered apron and, at the moment, a big heavy raincoat. Her hair was a faded sort of rust color, with the occasional strand of grey, all tied together at the back of her head in a slightly messy knot. Most were dumfounded to learn that she was mother to someone as stunning as Aeris.
She hadn't known Bill all that well. Other than a couple of times Aeris had talked to him while passing by, the two had hardly met. She had just been desperate to escape her solitude and get out of the house. Whenever Aeris was gone, she was left alone in that empty place, spending most of her day sitting in her chair and staring out the window. Of course, she had jumped at the chance for any sort of social event, even if it was a funeral. Imagine her surprise when she had been asked to go clean out Bill's home.
She jiggled the key inside the lock, struggling to open the door with little success. She was a bit surprised that scavengers hadn't already gutted the place, stealing anything that could be mistaken for valuable. She let an exasperated sigh escape her. The world had become such an ugly place...
She heard muffled gasps for air from inside the petite structure. She took a frightened step away from the door, imagining what kind of thieves or murderers might have wandered into the small abode. If she were to barge in, all kinds of horrible things could happen to her. She could get hurt, or worse. Then again, the breaths sounded strained. Someone inside there could be in trouble...
She stood there for a drawn-out minute, weighing her options with great care. Her heart thumped loudly, and she could clearly hear her rapid pulse in her ear. She felt a giant lump gather in her throat as she moved to open the door, but once more she froze. Why was she doing this? Whatever was in that room wasn't any of her business. She had no real purpose for being here. So then why wasn't she leaving?
For one reason or another, she simply could not walk away. The ominous ambience of this quaint little home just wouldn't let her go. As much as the idea unnerved her, something was beckoning her to turn that knob. Something was pleading with her to enter. Something was begging her for any kind of pity...
She took a deep breath, swallowed her paranoia, and twisted the knob...
...no no no no no no no no no no no no...
"It's been awhile, hasn't it?" The voice began in an odd good-humor "Five years, is it?"
He gave no answer, instead trying to convince himself that nothing was there with him.
"Why so glum?" The voice taunted with a mock concern. "You haven't missed me, have you?"
He wasn't here. There was no way. Only a hallucination...
"I didn't think so." That sick sadistic laugh echoed once more. "How I do miss the days
before our 'falling out'..."
"Get the hell away from me..." He spat the words like a bitter poison, gritting his teeth all the while. "You don't even exist anymore, you fucking bastard..."
"You're never afraid of anything for very long, are you Adam?" The voice continued, pacing soundlessly through the darkness. "Only a few years ago, you would never have dared say something like that to me. How times have changed..."
"You don't exist..." He muttered to himself, ignoring every word that escaped that hideous smile. "You're not here...Go away..."
"That's right, you're just losing your mind, everything's okay." Its grin broadened wider still. It found its own satire quite amusing. "It's always easier to think that. Enlightenment is just too terrifying for you people, isn't it? Besides, even if I were just a figment," It rolled its eyes at the thought "what is it that makes you think you could make me leave? What power do you have here that could rid you of me?"
"You're dead." He reassured himself. "You have been for years...I ...I watched it happen myself..."
"Yes," The voice sighed heavily. "From that aggravating little blonde brat. That had not been my best evening..." it returned to its regular cockiness. "But I've been reborn." It stated almost happily, raising its arms as though it were spreading hawk-like invisible wings. "And I thinks it's time you had a change of heart, too..."
"No..." He shook his seemingly absent head as he trembled at his core "I won't listen to you...I won't..."
"I knew you'd be difficult like this." It only shrugged its broad shoulders. "Unfortunately for you, though, there's not much you can do BUT listen days, is there? I can change that, though." the voice had a rather promising tone. "I can help make you what you once were, Adam. I can save you from this horrible oblivion in which your trapped. I can help you get back the incredible power that you've forgotten. We can go back to the way it was." A joyous sort of anxiety filled the voice "The General and his Lieutenant'. You remember those days, don't you? We were unbeatable, and we can be again, just let me help you..."
"I don't want anything from you!" He roared viciously at the silver haired demon. "Just get out of my head and never show your fucking face again..."
"For god's sake!" For the first time, an obvious frustration from the voice spilled out into the open. "I'm offering you salvation, here! Take it!" Its volume boomed through the emptiness like thunder. It was so hard to resist."Don't be such a fool!!!"
He gave no response, concentrating as hard as he could on anything other than the monster. But there were only their two voices in this abomination of a world...
"I know what you want, Adam..." The voice pulled itself back together, forming a new strategy as it spoke. "I can see it in your heart. You want that little blonde freak to bleed to death in your hands..."
"No.." He yearned for the beast to make its exit.
"...You want to tear that face of his from off his head..."
"...You want to have him beg and cry for mercy..."
"...You want to have his decapitated head for a trophy, secured at the top of your sword."
"Leave me alone..." He sobbed somewhat pathetically as the voice probed incessantly
"We're not so different, you and I..."
The truth dug so far into his brain...
"...I can deliver him to you..."
Denial didn't help...
"...I can even bring you back your angel."
He wanted so badly for the voice to stop...
"I can help you rediscover what you are." The voice went on, moving ever closer to its prone prey. "You know as well as I do that there's more to you than what you see in the mirror every morning. I can help you see past all this fog surrounds you. If you xan let me be your shining light, I can make you the god you once were. Or you can ignore me," The voice calmly stepped away as it began to pace the unlimited space, hands held behind its back "you can stay here all by yourself and be ensnared forever. It's really your choice." It turned on its heel and looked him straight in the eye. "Well?" It pressed him to make a decision, almost losing its composure as it waited expectantly. "What say you?"
His eyes shimmered that violent gold as he stared into the piercing green pupils of this psychotic menace. Forever passed as the trapped dark haired man contemplated whether or not to sell his soul. To submit; to surrender; to give in to his hate...or to fight; to deny; to somehow withstand this reality that imprisoned him...
Conflict surged through his heart. Could he truly become everything he had come to hate? Could he do away with everything he believed in for the promise of vengeance? His angel was ever-present in his mind's eye. What would she think? What would he say if she were to look down at the horror of his deeds and the hate in his soul? Could he ever make it up to her? Would he have the courage to face her if he sacrificed himself to the devil, or would his shame cripple him?
But what if he remained strong? What if he were to refuse this beast of its will? Would he have the strength to escape this black cage? Would he be able to conquer it? What if he were imprisoned forever? What if he could never see his angel again? What if he could never touch her face? It was a thought he could not bear; he just wanted so much just to see her again...
Was he willing to forget his angel? Were his morals really worth that much to him? What would be the use of them if he couldn't be with her, anyway? How would he be able to go on? How long until his heartache would make him pray for death? He knew then and there that he would not be able to withstand it, and there was only one choice to be made...
He felt the last of his innocense die as he hammered the final nail into the coffin, burying it deep down, never for it to surface again. Finally, he nodded his head, a grievous sort of acceptance washing over him. He condemned himself to hell for doing it, but he would give anything and everything just to gaze upon his angel just once more...
A toothy smile brightened in the darkness...
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