Yaoi

By Seriphin

Cloud was surfing the net one day when he stumbled upon a Sephiroth devotion page.

"What the heck? HIM?"

Cloud looked at the pages pole and saw that five percent of the voters considered Tifa as there favorite character, another five percent for Aeris, eighty nine percent for Sephiroth, and one percent for Cloud.

"One percent? ONE LOUSY PERCENT?"

Angrily, Cloud clicked his way over to the links page, and saw that all the web links were to more Sephiroth fan pages. Muttering under his breath, scrolling down, looking for a page devoted to him.

*after five minutes of scrolling*

Cloud yawned and thought to himself, "When am I going to find a page devoted to ME?"

"AHA!"

Cloud finally saw his name and stopped scrolling.

Cloud Strife hate page, 101 reasons why we hate Cloud

Cloud gasped in disbelief. He couldn't believe his luck. A page devoted to HIM. He clicked on the link. Then Cloud read the next screen.

WELCOME! to me and my friends page, the Cloud Strife Hate Page, 101 reasons why we hate Cloud.

reason 101- His hair

Cloud felt his hair, and gouged his hand. His hand started to bleed severely. Cloud shrugged. What was wrong with his hair?

reason 100- He's a wimp

Cloud flexed his muscles proudly. A small lump swelled on his biceps. He beamed, then the lump fell and sagged at the bottom of his arm like a lump of fat. Cloud scratched his head and read on.

99- He says, 'lets mosey'

98- His sword

97- the fact that he couldn't get into Soldier

96- He lied about it

95- Doesn't even realize how much Tifa likes him

"Tifa likes me? Oh my god!!!!!!"

94- He's Zack's clone

The list went on and on. Finally, he came to reason number one.

1- He's gay

Cloud was stupefied.

"I'm not gay!"

Unhappily, Cloud logged off and tried to go to sleep.

*Clouds Dream*

* * * * * *

Cloud sipped on some Hee-haw soda, and stood at the gates of the Gold saucer.

"The Gold saucer! YAHOO!

Cloud walked into the Gold saucer. He was about to walk into Wonder square tube when he heard talking behind him. He turned around and saw Cait Sith and Red13.

"Hi, Cloud."

"Hi Red, hi Cait."

"Hiya!"

There was a long pause and Cloud asked, "Do you guys think I'm gay?""

Red looked at Caith Sith and then looked down.

"Gee, Cloud, I dunno..."

Cait Sith shifted uncomfortably and looked down too.

"Yeah, I dunno either..."

"Oh." Cloud said.

Cloud turned his back against them and after a brief moment, he heard high pitched giggles. He turned around again and saw Red and Cait skipping there way merrily out the Gold saucer. Cait had taken his crown off and put it on Red's head.

Cloud shrugged.

"Well, I'm not gay."

He jumped down the wonder square chute. There he saw Tifa, Aeris and Yuffie arguing over something. He wanted to know what they were talking about so he stood behind them and said, "Hi guys"

They paid no attention to him, whatsoever. Like usual. Tifa grabbed Yuffies right arm and Aeris grabbed Yuffies left arm. Then they both tugged at Yuffie's arm's viciously.

"Hey bitch! Let go of poor Yuffies arm! Your hurting her!" yelled Tifa, right next to Yuffie's right ear.

"Listen hear, Boobzilla. I read the whole guide on how to date Yuffie in the Gold saucer, and I followed ALL the instructions. So YOU let go!" Aeris yelled in Yuffie's left ear.

Yuffie screamed and threw them both in the air. Out of nowhere, a grenade went off, and out of a puff of smoke, Elena appeared.

"YUFFIE!"

"ELENA!"

They grabbed each others hands and skipped merrily out of the gold saucer. Aeris rubbed her aching head while Tifa rubbed her aching back.

"Damn! Now who am I gonna go see Loveless with with?" Tifa asked.

Cloud perked up.

"Forget about you! What about me? Who am I gonna go out with?" Aeris retorted.

Cloud, stepped forward and cleared his throat.

After a minute of silence, Tifa and Aeris got up, held hands and skipped merrily out of the gold saucer. Cloud stood with his mouth gaped open and a hand on his chest. He fell to the round in a rigorous spasm and twitched uncontrollably. No one paid him any attention whatsoever. After a moment, Cloud got up, brushed himself off and said to himself," Glad I'm not gay."

Cloud wanted to go somewhere where he could hang around non-gay people and wanted to act macho. But then again, Cloud is screwed up and delusional. He decided to go to battle square. There he saw Cid and Barret and gave a big sigh of relief.

"Gosh, I sure am glad to see you two here, now I don't have to worry about-"Cloud was cut off.

"#@!!?$ I dunno how ta say dis..." Barret started.

"@^$#*&!%$ I know what'cha mean. Itz like..." Cid replied.

"@!!#%!"

"!#@*!"

"@#!@! really?!!"

"!#@!! yeah!!"

" You #!@#* foo'! Why didja' wait so long ta tell me?"

"I dunno...#@!!!" Cid replied sheepishly.

They skipped merrily out of the Gold saucer, holding hands.

By now, Clouds left eye was twitching and it refused to stop. Clutching his stomach, he headed for Speed Square. He noticed the trolley was gone and decided to wait his turn. Soon after, the trolley came back and Vincent and Hojo stepped out.

"Miraculous!! I never knew you were such a fine shooter Vincent!"

Vincent looked at Hojo. Hojo looked at Vincent.

"Hojo..."

"Vincent..."

They said at the same time. Vincent narrowed his red eyes and held out his claw. Hojo and Vincent skipped merrily out of the gold saucer.

Suddenly, Cloud saw Sephiroth. Cloud let out a high, shrilly girlie type scream. Sephiroth looked at Cloud quizzically with a raised eyebrow.

"What."

"OH MY GOD! YOU'RE PROBABLY GAY TOO!" Cloud screeched.

Sephiroth narrowed his eyes angrily.

"WHAT did you say?" Sephiroth said with a deep growl. His hand reached for his masamune.

"Nothing! Nothing... at all!" Cloud said in an unreasonably high pitched voice.

Sephiroth chased Cloud merrily out of the gold saucer, masamune in hand.

* * * * * *

Cloud woke up in a cold sweat. He saw Tifa, Aeris ,Yuffie, Elena, Cid, Barret, Red13, Cait Sith, Vincent, Hojo, and Sephiroth. He let out another girlie shriek. Oh my god! I'm surrounded by..."

"CLOUD! What were you doing in here? We heard you shriek and shifting in your bed all night! You woke us all up!" Aeris commented.

"Maybe it is better if we do not know..." Sephiroth added.

"YOU were the only non gay one in my dream! Every one else was gay! Tifa! Aeris! You both fought over Yuffie, but ended up going to see Loveless together! And Yuffie ended up with Elena! And Cid and Barret were together, and Red and Cait Sith, Hojo, Vincent! You were together too!"

"...." Sephiroth added silently.

Everyone had narrowed there eyes and rolled up there sleeves menacingly.

"Damn man! I knew you were messed up, but this?" Cid said.

"YOU PERVERT!" Tifa screamed.

Everyone dog piled on Cloud and beat Cloud mercilessly. After about fifteen minutes, everyone got tired and decided to rest awhile before they started beating Cloud again. So they left and decided to have breakfast. Except Sephiroth. He narrowed his eyes and saw Cloud twitch like road kill on the side of his bed.

"Weell(twitch) I'm glad no ones(twitch) gay."

"Cloud....I have a confession to make..."

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


Seriphin's Fanfiction