Child of an Ancient Prologue
By Shigan Lee
The world was green.
He floated around in a green mist that made his vision unclear and his mind foggy. The mist was warm and cold at the same time. It surrounded him and warmed him like a womb but he could at the same time feel the icing coldness of it when he inhaled with each of his breaths. The plasmatic liquid slide into his lungs and made them twist in painful spasms, the veins burned in protest as the liquid made its way through his battered body.
He tried to get out from it, but it was impossible. The warmness dizzied all his senses and made his memories hard to grasp. There was no up and no down any longer, only this world of green. He screamed for help, he wanted to go back .
Back to where?
His memories of places and persons seemed to slip out from his mind when he tried to focus on them. They flickered in him a few moments, then they faded away again like if when you tried to hold water in your hands. He tried so desperately to grasp them, anything that could tell him a little about himself. Anything that could be a clue to all this.
Nothing, every time he found something that enlightened his hope it would be swallowed up by his own mind again, swallowed up by a black abyss that roared inside of him like a hungry serpent. Not letting anything slip.
Not even his own name.
He didnt know how long he had been here. It seemed like years. He had tried to get out from this green peaceful hell, but once and once he had failed. He didnt know how he had got there in the first place. It was like if he always had been there, with no idea of his own identity and past, not even his face could be remembered.
There were times that he got so desperate that he wanted to die, to just fade away from this nothingness and let it end. Times when his lack of memory drove him past the limits of the human sanity, times when he reached out, trying to get hold of something, anything that could kill him would do.
But every time he did that, all that he found was she. The woman with the emerald eyes, so kind and comforting, so soft and loving, she came and faded like shadows, without any trails. Every time she came she would take him into her embrace. Loving him, comforting him, never asking for anything in return. The only thing she wanted seemed to be him, him and his soul. He poured out his misery towards her in their warm embrace. She would hold him and let him cry against her warm body. Whispering to him in an unheard voice to make his anguish go away.
He told himself to stop this. He was taking advantage of her to flee his misery and pain.
He didnt even love her. The only thing he felt was a need. A need to avoid his reality and the state of mental collapse he was in. He was only using her body to escape his pathetic attempts to break free from this green hell.
But he couldnt. Every time she came he took her willingly into his arms. Letting her taking him to a place where he was at peace. Sometimes he nearly strangled her with his fierce embrace of desperation and half-insanity. She would only smile at him while he nearly crushed her in his arms and tangled his hands into her chestnut brown hair. Smile and caress his back as if she was consoling a small child.
Every darn time his will failed him.
He cried, cried for the pathetic creature of a man he was and the situation he was in. Once again he tried to make out some memories about himself. But the only thing he seemed to be familiar with was this green mist and the strange, beautiful woman with emerald eyes. Suddenly he felt a smooth hand caressing his chest. He opened his eyes and there she was, floating before him again, gazing up at him with utterly innocent eyes and a smile that was a perfect picture of true purity and beauty.
He shook his head, the smile had been imagination, she wasnt smiling this time. Her emerald eyes filled up with tears while she put her arms around his body and rests her head on his chest. He didnt know what to do about this, why was she crying? What could have made such a wonderful, innocent creature like this cry?
He returned her affection while he looked at the angel in his arms. She, who had been his steady point of light all his time here was crying her heart out for him just as he used to do to her. He felt a wave of hopelessness spring out from the depths of his soul, what was he supposed to do when even his angel had fallen?
He caressed her chestnut brown hair and cried harder. They stayed like that for a long time, in this world of green nothingness, both of them crying for their private reasons. She raised her head and sealed his lips with a soft kiss, the green liquid around them seemed to come to life. It swirled around them like a tornado while they were in the nexus. He could feel the mist engulf him at the same time as her kisses did, her tears felt cold against his skin compared to the warmness that surrounded them now.
He broke the kiss and looked at her, he didnt deserve this. But his will failed him once again when he saw the passion and love in those emerald orbs that shone with tears. She caught his mouth again, so hard that he could feel their teeth clashing.
One last time ..
Her words floated directly into his mind, the voice was so sad, so sad. It scared him but it was a blessing as well when you hadnt heard anyone talking for god knows how long.
I am going to lose you
What was she talking about? She was leaving? He felt the panic growing inside of him and their kisses became harder. Her tears poured down her chins now. He could feel the salty taste in their mouths.
I love you
He suddenly felt even dizzier than before. The words tore into him like a sword, but he didnt question it. If he was going to lose her and be left alone in this insane place, he had better cherish their last time together. One last time before he went insane in this hell of peace and balance. He wished he could fight up an answer for her, an answer that could make her smile her beautiful smile again.
His guilt disappeared when the world around them faded, all that existed for him now was this emerald-eyed girl with the chestnut brown hair.
It occurred to him then. What on earth prevented him from loving this beauteous woman? What prevented him to fall in love with such a creature of purity, innocence and kindness?
Final Fantasy 7 Fanfic