Fantasyrama

By The Game God

April 11, 3000

Along the waterfront of New New York, Earth sat the fairly plain headquarters of Professor Hubert Farnsworth’s Planet Express. In the break room, the ship’s pilot Leela was working out. Philip Fry, the 20th Century slacker, was sleeping off his lunch and Bender Unit 22 was smoking a cigar and practicing drawing aces from the bottom of a deck of cards.
Suddenly, Prof. Farnsworth and Amy Wong entered followed by Hermes Conrad, pushing a large crate on a hand truck. “Good news everybody…” Prof. Farnsworth said. Leela turned towards the professor but Fry and Bender ignored him. “You’re going to deliver this box of game cards to Earth 8 in the Fantasy Galaxy.”
Leela wiped the sweat form her brow, “Don’t worry professor, you can count on us.” Leela glanced over at Fry and Bender. “Well me, anyway.”

FANTASYRAMA
Better than nothing… maybe.

“So what is this Earth 8 planet like?” Leela asked.
“Oh, it’s a terrible place!” Prof. Farnsworth said, looking at his notes. “It’s an underdeveloped world that’s destiny is governed by four magic crystals and… wait that’s Earth 5.” Farnsworth flipped through his notes, “Oh, it’s a terrible place! It is recovering from a magical war and the people ride mechanical devices to… no that’s Earth 6.” Farnsworth flipped through his notes again, “Ah, here it is… oh, it’s a terrible place! An evil corporation is draining the planet’s energy and soon a meteor will crash… no, that’s Earth 7.”
“Give me that!” Leela shouted, snatching the professor’s note. “You don’t have any information on Earth 8 in here!”
“Don’t worry Leela,” Fry said, “I’m sure it’s just as nice as the rest of them.”
Leela rolled her eye, “Shouldn’t you be feeding Nipper? We’ll need a lot of dark matter to get to the Fantasy Galaxy.”
Fry shrugged, “Eh, I had Bender do it.”
Leela looked over at Nipper, the top half of bender’s body was already in his mouth. “Shoot it! Shoot it!” Bender shouted.

* * * 3 0 0 0 * * *

As the Planet Express ship soared past a swirling nebula, Leela slowed the engines by 25%. Fry woke up, “Are we there yet?”
Leela groaned and shook her head. “Am I the only one who takes our job seriously?”
“Yup…” Bender said, “… you think anything would get done without chumps like you?”
The computer next to Leela beeped. “We’re coming up on Earth 8’s outer atmosphere.” Leela eased bask on the controls.
“You’d said you’d let me land the ship next time.” Fry said.
“I never said that.” Leela said.
“Okay you didn’t…” Fry said, “… but could you let me land anyway?”
“No!”
“Oh, I get it, you’re afraid I’d be better than you!”
Leela turned towards Fry, “No, I’m afraid you’d screw up and crash-land us on a planet without the technology to fix the ship!”
“Damn…” Fry said, “I was hoping for that ‘respect/fear’ thing, not just fear.”
Bender tapped Leela on the shoulder, “Leela?”
Leela pushed his hand away, “Not now, Bender. Fry, your nephew made me captain of the ship because I have experience…”
“Leela?” Bender called.
“… I have a spotless flying record…”
“Leela?”
“… and you, you probably couldn’t fly to end of one of those ancient video games.” Fry almost said something, but changed his mind.
“Leela?”
“What is it Bender?!”
Bender pointed out the windshield; “We’re about to crash.” Leela turned around to see the ocean rushing up towards the ship. Leela pulled back on the controls, the ship skipped off the water and crashed through the forest, landing on the road halfway between a large metal structure and a seaside town.
Fry turned to Leela, “See, if I’d been fly, this wouldn’t have happened.”

* * * 3 0 0 0 * * *

Leela moved into the cargo bay. “Fry, where is this crate being delivered?”
Fry looked at the invoice. “’Planet Express, New New York, Earth’.”
Leela took the invoice from him, “That’s the return address. You can’t even read an invoice and you want to pilot the ship.” Leela looked at the invoice, “Here it is, ‘Balamb Garden, Balamb Region, Earth 8’.”
Fry turned to Bender, “Alright Bender, pick up the crate.”
Bender shook his head, “Screw you, meatsack, I’m programmed for bending, not heavy lifting!” Bender pulled out the Bender Unit Instruction Manual, “Read what it says right here.”
“’Secondary Function: Heavy Lifting.’”
Bender tore up the book, “That’s a typo.”
Leela moved towards Bender, “C’mon Bender, it’s more work than you usually do.”
“Fine!” Bender shouted, “But I don’t like you two anymore.”
“You never liked us.” Leela said.
Bender picked up the box. “Fine have it your way!”

* * * 3 0 0 0 * * *

“State your business.” the gate man said.
“We’re from Planet Express, and we need to deliver this crate to…” Fry looked at the invoice, “’Philip J. Fry’.”
Leela took the invoice from Fry, “This is the crate of game cards Headmaster Cid Kramer ordered.”
“Come in.” the gate man said, waving the trio in.
Fry looked around the Garden’s shimmering walls, “This place is amazing. What kind of place is this.”
“It’s a military school.” a woman with short brown hair said. “You must be from Planet Express. I’m Xu.”
“Xu what?” Fry asked.
“That’s not important.” Xu said. “What is important is that the cards are here.”
“What’s the deal with these cards, anyway?” Fry asked.
“No one knows for sure, but I think it’s just to distract people from paying attention to truly important things.”
“Cool…” Fry replied, “… how do you play?”

* * * 3 0 0 0 * * *

Cid pried open the box and handed the crowbar to Bender, who promptly put it in his torso compartment along with Cid’s watch and fountain pen. “The students will be glad to get these.” He turned to a student, “Nida, start distributing these immediately.”
Nida eased the crate onto hand truck, “Yes sir.”
Cid sat behind the desk, “Now, Captain Leela, you said your ship was damaged.”
“Yes sir.”
“I’ll have the technicians working on it right away.” He picked up the student registration forms on his desk and looked towards Fry and Bender. “Now you two want to join the Garden, Mr.…” he looked at the first form, “’Philip Fry’ and Mr.…” he looked at the second form, “’None-of-your-damn-business’.”
“You bet.” Fry said.
Bender looked around at the expensive décor of the Garden. “A place like this is what I’ve always dreamed of.”
“Well Mr. Fry, we usually stop taking applicants over the age of fifteen. Here you indicated an age of… ‘1025’??”
“Yep!” Fry replied.
After a pause, Cid turned to Bender, “And you are… well there’s no easy way to put this… you’re a robot.”
“Oh, I see!! This is one of those exclu-u-u-u-usive clubs!!! Well I’m gonna organize a sit in and…” Bender sat back down, drew a cigar and lit it, “… aw, screw the whole thing.”
“There’s no need to worry.” Cid said, “As long as your ship is being repaired, you all can stay here as students.” Cid looked at his notes, “We are short on room in our dormitories, Mr. Fry, so you and your robot will have to stay in one room. You will stay in Room 1896. Room 1897 is occupied by one of our top students.”
Fry and Bender headed towards the door, “I guess my dad was right…” Fry said, “I will end up dropping out of military school.”
Leela turned to Cid, “Normally I would want to held responsible for their behavior, but that’s been getting me in a lot of trouble lately.”
“I understand.” Cid replied. As Leela rose to leave, Cid said, “We should have your ship repaired by the Garden Festival next week.”
“That’ll be great.” Leela said.
“Until then…” Cid said, “Would you be interested in teaching…”

* * * 3 0 0 0 * * *

Fry leaned back on the bed in the dorm while Bender checked out the closet. “This place is cool.”
“Yeah…” Bender said, “It even comes furnished.” Bender pulled out a black box decorated with a silver lion’s head. Fry opened the box and took out the weapon inside, a shimmering gunblade. Fry swung the blade around, “Kinda defeats the purpose of the gun doesn’t it.”
“All human weapons are crappy anyway.” Bender said.
“Oh yeah?” Fry said. Fry put on the black jacket on the wall and zipped it up, “Well check this out…” Fry picked up the gunblade. “Whoosh… vvvvfff… vvvvfff… Luke… I am your father!” Fry said in a deep voice.
“I don’t get it.” Bender said.
“You know, from Star Wars.”
“Star What?”
“Star Wars!”
“What Wars?”
“Star Wars!” Fry said, “The best movie series of all time!” Bender said nothing. “You know, Luke Skywalker… Princess Leia… Darth Vader!” Bender still said nothing. “C-3PO?”
“Oh, I get it now!” Bender said, laughing.
“WHAT THE HELL’S GOING ON HERE??!!?!”
Fry and Bender turned to see the young man in the doorway. “Who are you human?” Bender asked.
“I’m Squall Leonhart and this is my room!” He walked over to Fry, “And that’s my gunblade and my jacket.”
Fry moved toward the door, “I think you’re mistaken.” Fry pointed to the label on the door, “What does this say?”
Squall glanced at the door, “’Room 1897: S. Leonhart, SeeD Candidate’.”
Fry looked at the door, “Well I guess we’ll be going.” Fry and Bender moved quickly out the door, Squall closing it behind them.
After a moment there was a knock on Squall’s door. “What now?” Squall opened the door to reveal Fry and Bender.
“Hey, I’m Fry and this is Bender, we’re your new neighbors!”

* * * 3 0 0 0 * * *

Fry and Bender looked at their temporary schedule, “Well our first class is in 203. The instructor is ‘Q. Trepe’.” Fry and Bender walked into Room 203 and approached a girl with glasses. “Hey, I’m Fry and this is Bender, we’re new students.”
“You look a little old to be attending the Garden.” she said putting her glasses in her pocket.
“We’re only temps… you know, too old to be students, not dried up enough to be teachers.” At that the girl pulled out a whip, snapped it around Fry’s ankles and pulled him to the ground. “What’d you do that for?” Fry said.
“I am Quistis Trepe, and lesson one is never underestimate me!”
Bender moved towards Quistis, “Good work, teach.” Quistis smiled as Bender stealthily swiped her glasses and her wallet.

* * * 3 0 0 0 * * *

At lunch, Fry and Bender were moving through the lunch line. “What’ll it be?” the cook asked.
Fry looked around for a menu. After finding none he shrugged, “The special?” The cook passed Fry a plate of hotdogs.
“And you?” the cook asked Bender.
“A gin and tonic to start followed by whatever other booze you got.”
“Spirituous beverages are highly prohibited here at the Garden.”
“No booze?!” Bender shouted, “What kind of school is this?!”

* * * 3 0 0 0 * * *

Fry laid back on his bed, “I tell you, that Zell Dincht kid is good, but no one beats me in a hotdog eating contest!” Fry turned of the bedside light. “I hope Quistis doesn’t kick my ass again tomorrow.”
“If I get my wish, you’d get your ass kicked again tonight.” Bender’s voice said from inside the closet.
“Your wish is granted!” a voice said.
The lights suddenly came on. Fry sat up to see a tall blonde man in a grey coat. “Who are you?” Fry asked.
“I’m Seifer Almasy…” he turned to the girl on his right, “Fujin, get the tin can out of the closet.” Seifer turned back to Fry, “Time for your hazing, Fry!”

* * * 3 0 0 0 * * *

Seifer, Fujin, Raijin, Squall, Zell and a half dozen other students lead Fry and Bender to the training center. Zell was talking to Fry, “… and I’m gonna get this bad-ass tattoo next to my right eye.”
“SHUT UP!!” Fujin shouted.
Seifer smiled, “Welcome to the Training Center… my playground.”
Bender pulled a cigar and a bottle of scotch out of his torso compartment, “Yeah, so?”
“You don’t get it…” Squall said, “… there are real monsters in here…” Squall glanced at Seifer, “… and Seifer is going to make you two fight one of them.”
“Why are you hazing us?” Fry said, “We’re gonna be out of here in a few days.”
Seifer turned to Fujin and Raijin. The trio whispered for a while before Seifer said, “That’s not the point, it’s the principal.”
“You mean that Cid guy?”
“Sure, whatever…” Seifer said. A rumbling sounded in the distance. “Here comes your challenge now.”
A red dinosaur lumbered out of the woods and towards Fry and Bender. Fry cracked his knuckles, “I saw Jurassic Park, this’ll be a synch!”

* * * 3 0 0 0 * * *

“What happened to you two?” Quistis asked her two battered new students.
“Rough night.” Bender said.
Quistis shook her head, “Well take your seats.”
Fry and Bender moved towards their desk, “So, how was maintenance?” Fry asked Bender.
“Not bad, but there were these two cars and this howitzer in front of me that took forever. How was the infirmary?”
“It think I know where they get the ingredients for the hotdogs.”
Quistis cleared her throat, “Class, for the next three days we will have a special lesson. We will learn the delicate art of aviation.”
“Alright!” Fry shouted.
Quistis smiled, “It’s good to see you so eager, Mr. Fry.”
“What the hell are you so happy about?” Bender asked.
“Leela wouldn’t teach me how to fly, but now these Garden people will. Pilot’s seat here I come!”
Quistis turned towards the door, “Let me introduce the instructor of the flying course, Leela.”
“Back seat… here I come.” Fry said, dejectedly.

* * * 3 0 0 0 * * *

Bender was dancing down the hallway singing, “I’m your robot man, that’s what I am… and I’m here to do, whatever I can…”
“Hey… bot!” a voice called.
Bender stopped and looked at the seven people standing in the shadows. “You talkin’ to me?”
One of them smiled, “You bet, shiny!”
“Who are you?”
“Were the CC… you play cards?”
Bender smiled, “No, but I’m a fast learner.”

* * * 3 0 0 0 * * *

Fry sat in the cockpit of one of the Garden’s planes. Leela looked to him. “Alright, Fry you did pretty good on the simulator… just don’t screw this up.”
“I know what I’m doing.” Fry said, pushing forward on the controls. Nothing happened.
“Start the engines first, Fry.” Leela said.
“Okay…” Fry moved his fingers across the switches on the console, “… engines… engines… engines… ah, here we go!” Fry pressed a green button and Leela’s seat launched into the sky, landing next to the plane. Fry looked at Leela, “Since you weren’t looking, should I try again?”

* * * 3 0 0 0 * * *

It was the night of the Garden Festival. Bender had stolen fancy clothes for Fry and Leela at a shop in Balamb, but he was nowhere to be seen. Fry sat in the back row in the Quad, alone. Zell moved towards Fry and flopped down next to him. “Why so down Fry? The Festival is the one time of the year when all the rules of the Garden can and will be broken.”
Fry sighed, “I ruined what was probably my one chance to show Leela that I could be a good pilot. She was right, I’m no good at everything.”
“That’s not true, Fry.” Leela said. Fry looked up to see Leela sitting next to him. “There are plenty of things you’re good at.”
“Name one.”
“You’re a good friend and… I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be a good friend. I haven’t given you a real chance.” Leela stood up, “But that’s gonna change now!”

* * * 3 0 0 0 * * *

Bender sat back in his chair, “… and this Sphinxara beats your Grand Mantis.” The CC leader shook his head. Bender laughed, “48 games comes to all your cards and 2500 gil.”
“We don’t have that much.” the CC leader said.
“Well…” Bender said, lighting up a cigar, “I have some merchandise coming in from Dollet tonight and I need seven people to help me unload it.”
“The CC leader shook his head, “Fine.”
“What’s going on here?!” a voice shouted. Three faculty members turned on the lights in the cafeteria. “We’re gonna have to confiscate your alcohol, Mr. Bender.”
“What’s going on sir?” the CC leader asked.
“We’re looking for the person behind a sudden rash of thefts.” They moved to Bender and grabbed his arm, “Now you all, get out of the cafeteria.” When the faculty members pulled Bender to his feet, his torso door opened dumping out hundreds of wallets, tapestries, cards, whisky bottles, porno magazines, half the items from Cid’s desk, Ellone’s shawl, gunblade ammunition, Quistis’ glasses and thousands of other things Bender had stolen in the course of a week.
“Alright…” Bender said, “Here’s what I think happened.”

* * * 3 0 0 0 * * *

Fry and Leela were in the cockpit of a plane, rolling towards the end of the runway. “Now, pull back Fry, you can do it!”
Fry pulled back on the controls and the plane lifted off the ground. “I did it! We’re flying… I’m flying!!!”
“I knew you could do it!” Leela said.
“That’s all I needed to hear.” Fry turned the controls and the plane turned to the right. “Now… how do we get down?”

* * * 3 0 0 0 * * *

Cid shook Leela’s hand, “Well, despite the expulsion of your robotic friend…”
“Bite my shiny metal ass.” Bender retorted.
“This has been a very interesting week. Captain Leela, you and Mr. Fry are welcome back anytime you want.”
“No place for Bender, huh?” Bender shouted as he turned and headed back to the ship, “Fine, I’ll build my own Garden, with blackjack and hookers…” the robot was shouting as he disappeared into the ship.
Leela turned back to Cid. “Thanks again for the repairs.”
Squall came up to Fry and handed him his jacket, “Here…”
Fry wiped a tear from his eye, “You’re giving this to me?”
“No, you got your body odor on it, I don’t want it anymore.”
Fry put the jacket on, “Wow, thanks.”
Fry and Leela ran up the gangplank of the Planet Express ship and into the cockpit. Fry took his seat next to the window when Leela said, “Fry… you want to fly home?”
“Do I!!” Fry ran to the pilot’s chair. “Ohh, cushy.” Fry started up the plasma engine and moved the transmission stick, “Here we go!” The ship shot back in reverse, crashing into the side of the Garden. Fry pulled away from the Garden and looked back to see the massive hole in the wall. “Ah, they’ll never know I did it.” Fry put the ship in first and shot up into the stratosphere, headed for home.

THE END