The Adventures of Epoch Part 1

By The Storyteller

Last time I left off, our resident warlock Magus had returned to 600ad by mistake. A freak accident invoked the emergence of a strange alternate personality, one that was sweet, gentile, hospitable, and selfless, and had no memory of the years of his life when he was a menace. The transformation was authentic, convincing Frog that Magus was no longer a hazard, especially when he saw Magus’s angelic creation, the Poyozo Palace. The people of Guardia didn’t place much trust in him, until an attack under Ozzie’s lead and Magus’s brave intervention and rescue of a family held hostage convinced the public otherwise. However, Magus’s state was not to last forever, and sadly, another bump on the head sent Magus back to his former state, with absolutely no recollection of his better days.

Frog, during this time, was partly unsure of Magus’s state, and requested the help of Crono, Marle, and Lucca, who rushed to 600ad. Unfortunately, they left the Epoch unguarded. It was stolen by Ozzie and his two assistants, Flea and Slash.

And thus, as the three set off into time, with absolutely no idea of where they were going, or how to use the machine that they were in.

“SAVE ME!!!”

Ozzie, Flea, and Slash were cruising in the Epoch, going at speeds so fast that they were almost crushed against their seats. They flew down a long tunnel of swirling shades of blue. Bolts of blue that resembled lightning buffeted the Epoch as it soared through the strange wormhole. Suddenly, the Epoch left the tunnel of blue, and started shaking violently and spinning out of control.

“WE’RE GONNA DIE!!!” Flea screamed.
“SOMEBODY HIT ANOTHER BUTTON!” Slash yelled, as he drew his knees into his chest to protect himself.

Ozzie started punching any button that seemed to light up. Through the clear window they could see an array of colors and shapes shooting toward them. Suddenly, as soon as it had started, the shaking stopped. They started cruising at normal speed down what seemed like a long hallway. At their sides, they saw scenes of jumbled messes that made absolutely no sense. They saw themselves, their allies, their enemies, their families, their friends, and even their pets, in all different forms, doing all different things. They heard languages and saw texts that were so complex and some so simple, but none were understandable. After a few seconds of these odd sights, they landed on something that actually seemed familiar, a soft patch of grass.

As they looked around, they found themselves in a strange yard, near a large, putrid yellow house and matching garage. A white table with an umbrella and matching yard chairs were blown over by the force of the landing. Various sized sports balls bounced over the wooden fence that separated the yard from other yards. Potted plants were thrown, spilling onto the concrete portion of the backyard.

A red stoop made of bricks with a black fence at the top stood next to the house, providing a series of stairs that led up to a back doorway from the side of the house. A young girl of about sixteen ran out of the house and jumped four feet down onto the driveway below, rather than going the normal path down the stairs.

“Who d’hell d’you think you are, runnin’ to my yard like this, huh?”
“We go wherever we wish.” Flea said haughtily. With a swing of his hips and a flash of his hand, he cast a small blue heart-shaped flame into the air and sent it over to the girl. She almost dodged it, but it nabbed her right arm, just below her elbow.
“OWWW! SHIT! What’d you do that for?”

Flea looked at the girl in awe. He had summoned a simple spell that he had used hundreds of time before, calling upon the Fire element of their planet. Strangely, his power had little effect upon her.

"Flea, I don't think we're in our world anymore..." Ozzie whispered.
"That... that spell... it should have been larger... much larger..."
"YOU ASSHOLE! THAT STUNG LIKE A BITCH!" The girl yelled, uttering random expletives as she nursed the wound on her arm. She looked up at the three, who stood silent, and started to approach them.

With each stride she took, the three moved backward, until they filed into the Epoch. She suddenly noticed the shape of the machine, its texture, and color...

"No way... I knew you guys looked familiar... that ship... its the ship..."

The Epoch began to hover, as Ozzie, Flea, and Slash took off above the house, and into oblivion.


By then, the three were long gone.


They sailed in the air soaring above the strange place, looking at the strange houses, each with strange little wheeled boxes sitting in the front. The entire landscape was separated into blocks, giving the three a strange feeling of conformity among this strange civilization. They knew they weren't home anymore.

They tried stopping in front of people, to ask where they were, but each query brought on a barrage of curses and obscene gestures by the townspeople. The younger members seemed to speak strange words that seemed to be English, and yet they were not understood. It was then, while soaring down a strange street full of little moving boxes and stores, Flea noticed a strange little building.

"Bank of New York?"
"NEW YORK?" Slash exclaimed. "I thought this place only existed on television!"
"I suppose not, folks." Ozzie replied, calmly. "We're in true blue New York State. I could tell by the accents."
"So where do we go from here?" Flea asked.
"Wherever this bucket of bolts takes us." Ozzie replied sternly, as he set the machine to fly in a singular direction at its fastest speed.
"Can we stop by a store? I need to refresh my cover-up. I can't go on without my looks!"
"Could you quiet up, you priss? You're getting annoying!"

After a while of flying, the three came upon a thick patch of forest. Assuming that the area was enclosed and safe from intruders, they descended to the ground to land. It was then that they moved to explore land on foot.

* * *

“EPOCH!” Lucca screamed.
“It’s gone…” said Marle, drearily.

Crono hummed a sad tune. A soft breeze blew through the clearing in the forest, where they all stood, scared… the Epoch had just been taken from the foot of Denadoro Mountain, leaving Crono, Marle, and Lucca stranded in 600AD.

“Lucca, how might we get it back?” asked Frog.
“Well, how can we trace the Epoch’s movements through the time-space continuum? It’s relatively impossible! And to even follow them… well, we can’t do that since we no longer have a time machine!”
“Lucca, did you notice how odd Epoch looked when it engaged? Its was almost as if it wasn’t going through time! The gate was… different… the sounds were strange… and what about all those radical colors?” asked Marle.
“I thought that was strange. But if it weren’t going through time, where would it go?”
“Dimension travel.” Magus said grimly, his arms crossed against his chest. His face was tired and angry, knowing that the annoying teenagers would thus spend their time in HIS time period… which was the last thing he needed.
“Huh?” questioned everyone else, unknowing about travels through dimensions.
“I tend to watch a lot of television… I was brought up watching Sliders…”
“What’s ‘Sliders’? What is a television?” asked Marle.
“It’s a small invention with a little screen, and you cant watch these shows-“
“From another dimension, eh, Magus? Tis where you get your evil strengths?” asked Frog.

The four, Crono, Marle, Lucca, and Frog, all stared at Magus, as he suddenly withdrew.

“What?” he asked, innocently.
“Alright,” said Lucca, “that solves the problem of traveling dimensions if Magus can do it-“
“Shut up. Now we just have to figure out how to travel time…” Lucca said.
“We’re still lost.” Said Marle.

Crono suddenly had an idea. He started flailing his arms wildly, trying to get attention, with nobody responding.

“Well, perhaps we could use the gates… I still have the gate key.” Lucca said.
“We killed Lavos. It lent power to the gates… without it, the gates are unstable. The key is useless.” Said Marle.

Crono flailed and bleated loudly, still trying to get attention. He started pounding on a tree, grabbing the branches, trying to shake them, to make any noise possible, but got no reply.

“What about another Epoch? We could go back, and ask our old selves to borrow the Epoch.” Said Marle.
“We haven’t a method of returning there.” Frog said.

Crono held his breath and turned red, clenching his fists with a restless fury.

“Another Epoch! Lucca, do you think you can manage to build another Epoch?” Frog asked.
“It’ll be way too complicated, and I won’t have Belthasar’s plans, but I could try… and I’d need help, from someone… maybe Robo…”

Crono started stomping on the ground. He stomped toward Magus, who had rested himself against a tree, away from the annoyance of the others. Crono suddenly pulled him into a headlock. Frog turned toward them, and started laughing.

“Tis me turn next, Crono!” said Frog.

Magus grabbed Crono by the hair and flipped him over his shoulder, flinging him into a tree with his magic. Crono fell out cold onto the moss below.

“Hey Lucca… didn’t you research humanoid robots?” asked Marle.
“You’re right! I can try to build one?”
“And what of the runt?” Magus asked, rubbing his sore neck.
“Leave him, he doesn’t like being bothered when he sleeps.” Lucca said, giggling.

* * *

“What the hell is this? There’s so many humans!” Slash exclaimed.

The three happened upon a large clearing packed with thousands of people. There were large, strange machines and vehicles, and tents stationed all over the plain. Horrible squeals and cries and rough sounds were projected into their ears. In the distance, they could see a strange stage, with blurry figures jumping all over it. To try and gather on where they were located, Ozzie, Flea, and Slash decided to walk into one of the tents. They happened to find a group of drunken, sweaty, partially naked men of all shapes and sizes, relaxing and laughing with each other. They had been part of the show.

“What do we have here?” said one of them, who had shaved short hair and sat in his nude, as he strummed a funky tune on a bass guitar.
“Tis a boonch of bloody montstahs! Freaking monstahs!” said another one, with long hair, adorned in black, with his nails painted equally black, his fingers covered with strange jewelry.

A third man, the only other in the tent, grunted. He had a long, thick, black mane of curly hair that covered his entire face. Only a strange burning stick showed through it. On top was a large black hat with metal spirals on it.

“Who’re you guys?” asked Slash.
“We’re a boonch of fricking puhfoamahs, can’t ya see that?” said the man with the nail polish, as he played with one of his rings.
“I’ve never seen jesters this cute, Ozz.” Flea said.
“What?” asked the large man with the chicken, seeming to acknowledge Flea.
“I said Ozz, not big fat idiot, you slimy dolt!” Flea said.
“My name is Ozz, you freaking fairy! Bugger off, you little queer, before I call me bodyguards!”
“Ozzie, these guys are familiar… I think we’ve seen them all before…” Slash whispered into his rotund master’s ear.
“His name is Ozzie too…” Ozzie said quietly, as he thought to himself. “This is a very odd coincidence…”


Go To Part 2

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