Alone For A While

By Tsarmina

The heightened senses and powerful energy that had thrilled his blood and muscles was gone, leaving him weak and wounded. The wounds were fatal, and he was well aware of that fact. Death would soon rush up to meet the once-powerful Kuja, claiming a life that had never been born. The Trance leaving made him feel drained and useless, the wounds creating an agony he would have believed impossible only minutes before.

That rash decision he had made a short while before returned to him… The last defiance against the uselessness of it all. He now tried to rationalize that he did matter in the great scheme of things—no, that he was the only soul in the universe that truly mattered. Without him, what was the point of anyone else surviving? With the ending of his life, all life should be snuffed out like candles covering the planet. He was like the sun, wasn't he? Why should the insignificant candles continue burning while the sun stopped blazing?

Or was he really important? As he watched Zidane and his companions fight, not for their small lives, but for the lives of everyone on Gaia, he felt something change itself inside of him. They would do something to be cherished for so many lifetimes… The whole time they had fought him, from that small beginning in the rainy Burmecia, they weren't fighting for individuals; they were fighting for an entire population of people, and were willing to sacrifice their own lives for that cause.

Zidane… He really was the better of the two, wasn't he? Using his strength for his friends, never giving up… He even walked right into traps, knowing very well what they were, to save the life of someone else. Zidane, who held the heart of others in his grasp.

Kuja, though, was as different from Zidane as the dreary depths of the oceans are to the brightness of the sunny sky. No one would love Kuja, or care when his life ended with a sigh… Would he be remembered by anyone? A fond memory, or one of hatred?

He couldn't stand it anymore! If he meant nothing, why did it matter whether or no the world survived? Zidane should survive, he realized. A great man like that shouldn't die… And neither should the others, who had fought so hard to keep the world, and its inhabitants, alive. They didn't deserve to die…but he did… Insignificant creatures like himself had no reason to keep on living.

He now lay alone in the dark interior of the Iifa tree, waiting for death to claim his dark soul…


Zidane breathed harshly—he hated small spaces with a passion. He looked back to Kuja. "You idiot! If you had just come with me…" he sighed. "I can't forget that you are so much like me… Despite everything you did, you still had a heart in that body of yours…"

He knew that Kuja was no longer alive…but it was reassuring, somehow, to continue talking to the other man. "I think you've helped me more than harmed… That sounds odd, I know… I mean, you've been trying to kill me, my friends, and destroy my planet…but I know that if it hadn't been for all you've done, I wouldn't have known where I came from, what I am…and how none of that really matters. Because it doesn't… I may be a Genome, but that doesn't mean I can't live a happy life and stop searching for parents that never existed…

"I'll always remember you… I'll tell my kids stories about how you aren't as evil as you thought you were," he flashed a grin at this thought. "Thanks to you, I can have kids now…and a life. I will have somewhere to live with the person I love. Despite all the destruction you caused and tried to cause, in the end you redeemed yourself and proved that you're a good person, after all."

Zidane sighed again. "You'll never be forgiven by everyone for what you did, and tried to do… There will be those who had family members killed when you destroyed their homes. But I realize that wasn't entirely you doing it. You were still trying to find yourself, weren't you? And at the same time you were trying to please Garland and prove that you really were worth his time… Maybe you weren't worth anything to him, but you mean a lot to me.

"I forgive you…and I add my thanks to that forgiveness. Thank you, Kuja, and I wish things had ended differently…"

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