Sorceress and Knight Chapter 10
And So They Depart
"Oh, good, were finally out of those disgusting sewers," Irvine sighed in relief.
"We need to find" Quistis started.
"Super duper unfair!" Selphie wailed. She flew by them, smashing into Laguna. "My love!" she shrieked gleefully. "Youll have to wait, though, cause I super have to kill Rinoa!" She trotted off.
"UNWELL," Fujin observed as Laguna sat shuddering.
"He did have a nasty shock, ya know," Raijin pointed out. "Shes scary, ya know!"
"Squall Dont you think we should get her contained now?" Quistis asked.
" What?" Squall asked, jerked into the world of awareness rather suddenly.
"Lets end this," Quistis said succinctly.
"End what?" Squall asked, even more confused. Waitshes the one whos always fought Rinoa for me, isnt she? Or at least thats what Rinoa says. Does she want me? Is she saying she wants to end the relationship with Rinoa? Or is she talking about something completely different? I
"and youll do the dirty work, okay?" Quistis finished.
" Whatever," Squall improvised.
"Heres the box. When shes busy with Rinoa, sneak up and open it next to her. Got it?" Quistis handed him the black box labeled "Astatine". "Now, what did I just tell you to do?"
Squall frowned. "Sneak up behind Selphie and get Astatine into the box?" he hazarded. She was rather predictable the vast majority of the time.
"Good boy. Now go and do it," Quistis ordered.
Squall, resenting being called a "good boy", frowned and walked towards where the sounds of battle could still be heard.
"Do you think hell do a good job of it?" Irvine asked.
"If hes anything like youdefinitely not. Squalls pretty capable, though," Quistis replied.
"Hey! Whats all this sudden dislike for me?" Irvine complained. "I thought you were into me!"
"I was into something," Quistis complained.
"You dont even want a kiss?" Irvine lamented.
"Not from you."
"Why?" Irvine asked softly.
"One major reason is the creature you call a girlfriend."
"Shes not my girlfriend anymore!" Irvine protested. "Besides, shes obsessed with Laguna, not me!"
Quistis folded her arms over her chest. "The hormones have worn off. Sorry."
"Is that all I am to you?"
"Yes, actually. I was feeling a little desperate there, but now I realize you make a rather disgusting choice now that I look back into things."
"Youre so cruel " Irvine whimpered.
Fujin and Raijin, who had stood quietly listening to their conversation, nodded knowingly.
"That was so unfair, ya know?" Raijin complained.
"HE MORON. SHE MORON. GOOD MATCH. IDIOTS TOGETHER," Fujin commented.
"But she led him onpretended something was there, ya know. I think she was just playing around with his heart as if it was a toy, ya know."
"TRUE," Fujin agreed. "HORMOMES."
"Shes evil, ya know. Just like Rinoa!" Raijin exclaimed.
"LOOKS ANGRY. SHOULD RUN," Fujin pointed out.
Raijin ran, hands in the air, as Quistis chased him. "You moron! You filth!!! Why are you comparing me to her?! I should kill you just for that, you speech-impaired imbecile!!!" she cursed.
Irvine slanted his gaze towards Fujin. "Hey, Fuu You dont mind if I call you that, do you? Now that were alone "
Fujin stared at him, eyebrow arching and disgust apparent on her face. "RAGE," she snarled.
"Heh heh Just kidding. Fuu? I promiseIm kidding," Irvine whined.
"IDIOT. NO FUU. KILL YOU," Fujin pointed out rather calmly.
"Oh. Right I wont call you Fuu, okay Fujin? Better?" Irvine asked. "So If thats what made you mad What about my other idea? We still are alone."
Rather than waste her breath on him, Fujin promptly kicked Irvine in the shin. He fell down, wailing and clutching his leg. "STILL ALONE. HAVING FUN?" she asked, feigning sweet innocence.
Squall crept near the wall of a building, peering around it to see Selphie and Rinoa battling. Or, well, some form thereof. It resembled a battle, in a sense. Plenty of screaming and fighting, but they seemed to be fighting with the surrounding area more than each other. Better stop this before they destroy the entire city with their idiocy.
Squall crept even closer and placed now-opened the box down, aiming it at Selphie. This had better workif it doesnt Im going to take Seifers advice and just kill the pest Then, at least, I wont have to deal with her anymore. He was only half serious.
Selphie let out a shriek and the spell she was casting stopped before it was even produced. She wobbled a little, leaned towards the box. A wispy part of her was pulled away and Squall snapped the box closed.
"You meanie! Whatd you do to me???" Selphie whined.
"Astatine is gone. Shes in the box," Squall replied, rapping the box with his knuckle. "And now this whole mess is done. I can go"
"Twit twit twit! Im not gone!" Selphie (well, Astatine) shrieked angrily. She raised her hands and attempted to cast a spell. "What ?"
Squall frowned, looking down at the box. I guess it only took away her powers not Astatine the person.
Selphie reclaimed her body. "Super cool job, Squall! Astatine is powerless! Now I can take over the world without her!" She dashed towards the building. "See you later, suckers!" she cackled.
Squall could think of only one explanation for what happened next: Selphie must have believed she could still walk through walls. A fact that wasnt true if one was to judge by the outcome. There was a loud thud and Selphie fell over backwards.
"Squall!" Rinoa exclaimed. She threw herself onto him. "Im so happy were safe!" she gushed.
Squall frowned. There wasnt even all that much to worry about Isnt she over-reacting? Why does she act like this? But she only does this when Quist
"Rinoa, get off, of himthat isnt appropriate right now!" Quistis commanded. She stood akimbo, glaring at Rinoa. Her whip was wrapped around Raijin and he crawled behind her.
"Quistis is kin"
"Shut up, Raijin," Quistis growled.
"Well, you areI mean, a whip is pretty kink"
"Thats not what its there for!" Quistis fumed.
"Then why is it there, Quisty?" Rinoa mocked.
"He is a moron. I was beating him until I heard Selphie shrieking," Quistis replied stiffly. "Besides, can you honestly see me interested in him?"
"Ive seen stranger things " Rinoa shrugged. "I mean, your whole infatuation with Irvine, of all people!"
"Shes getting steamed again, ya know. Thats the look she gave me before she wrapped me in her whip, ya know!" Raijin commented.
"Eww! Oh, God, Im never going to get that out of my head! Man! Whyd you say that?!" Rinoa complained.
Quistis pulled the whip off Raijin. "Dont tempt me," she spat.
"Youve got to be joking right?" Rinoa asked uneasily.
"Hey, guys! Have you seen Laguna?" Irvine asked, jogging up to the others. "Me and Fujin lost him after Quistis and Raijin ran off."
"What!?" Quistis exclaimed.
"Well We got into a discussion and I forgot he was thereI mean, he wasnt exactly all there to begin with " Irvine paused to tap his head. "So, once our discussion was over, we found out that he had disappeared!"
"IDIOT. RIGHT THERE," Fujin snorted as she walked up behind him.
Irvine cringed noticeably at her appearance. "Where?"
"THERE. IN TREE," Fujin growled, pointing to a semi-intact tree.
Sure enough, Laguna hugged the trunk of the treeabout ten feet above the ground. He didnt turn to look at any of our heroes, though , and seemed to be cowering.
"Hes almost as kinky as you, Quist" Raijin began.
"One more word from you and this whip is going to strangle you to death," Quistis threatened.
"Wow, Quisty. Ill take second dibs on that!" Irvine exclaimed.
Selphie slowly regained consciousness. "Oww My bummer head," she groaned. "Oh, shut up, twit," she continued. "Meanie bummer!"
"I thought you got rid of the sorceress!" Quistis exclaimed.
"Somewhat," Squall replied stiffly. "Shes there, but her powers are gone."
"Really?" Quistis was officially shocked.
"Yes. The way I see it, is maybe shell say super less often," Squall commented.
"Shes arguing with herself, Squall! Whats wrong with her?" Rinoa complained.
"Im not bummer arguing with myself!" Selphie exclaimed. "Astatine is being cranky again and Im arguing with her!"
"You know Astatine might not be there. How do we know Selphie just hasnt gone completely insane?" Irvine pondered.
"But wasnt she already insane? I mean, look at her hair!" Quistis argued.
"Hey, guys, wheres the Knights, ya know?" Raijin interjected.
"Surrender, Seifer!" Zell cried.
"You moron! Why would I surrender to youYoure running away from me!" Seifer growled.
" So? I cant admit defeat!!" Zell wailed. He was still running from Seifer, but now they were in the streets instead of the sewers.
"Youre running away! That pretty much means youve surrendered!"
"No it doesnt! Were reverse chasingin reality, Im chasing you! See? Youre the one running away, Lap-Dog, and Im chasing you with d-d-that d-word that oh, you know what Im talking about!"
Seifer almost fell over at the stupidity of the comment. " idiot! Just stop running and well get this over with!"
Zell let out a shriek as he turned the corner of a building and fell forward.
"What the" Seifer began. He couldnt imagine what had come over the other man (well, he could imagine, but none of those thoughts made any sense, so he thought it best just to find out what was going on).
"Ze~ell!!" Selphie squealed.
" that explains it " Seifer grumbled. He turned the corner: Selphie was poking Zell, Laguna was up a tree, and everyone else just stood around talking about nothing in particular.
"SEIFER," Fujin greeted. "DONE HERE. KILL SEEDS?"
"What?" Seifer coughed. "No not now. What are you talking about?" He laughed nervously.
"NO MATTER. NOT LISTENING." Fujin shrugged.
"Boy am I glad this is over with " Seifer sighed.
"Heya, Lap-Dog, ya know!" Raijin exclaimed. He was on the ground, groaning, within secondsFujin and Seifer had kicked him simultaneously.
"Come on, lets head home!" Quistis ordered, staring down at Raijin. "What an idiot I cant believe people have paired me" She stopped, hand on mouth. "Ha ha never mind."
"Shouldnt someone get Laguna out of that tree?" Irvine asked.
"No problem!" Rinoa exclaimed. Whatever she had planned to do went horribly wrong. Sure, Laguna was out of the tree Slightly singed and twitching.
"Finally finished, Squall!" Rinoa giggled.
Yeah, right Squall muttered to himself. Something this bad doesnt end until the author has had her epilogue. Theres always an epilogue Never get away from them " Whatever."
Authors Notes: Sorry about the raging hormones; I had a bit too much fun with that part. Yes, Im kinda parodying various relationships Ive seen in other fics. So, well, if it seems Im making fun yes, I am, but in good humor (mwahaha).
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