Square Wars: Leaving a New Hope Chapter 1
Lost and Found
Hello. I'm WarChild, struggling fanfic writer, sometimes protester of lack of Square N64 games, despite the fact I don't have a N64 and I have the PSX version of FF7. You probably heard of "The Wizard of Zozo" by Geode, and "Square Takes over the Airwaves: The Next Channel" co-written by Geode and me. You know these stories and other stories were parodies of various things, movies, TV. Now, after seeing "The Wizard of Zozo", I decided to start on a fanfic written by me, parodying the Star War movies, excluding various add ons from other sources (Books, games). So without further ado, I bring you, The Square Wars.
Note: Star Wars are the properties of Lucasfilm, and the FF series, CT, and SOM are properties of Squaresoft.
FOX fanfare blares up.
Instead of the 20th Century Logo, the PSX logo is seen.
PSX logo fades out.
Square Soft logo comes to view.
The fanfare ends when the logo fades out.
The words, "A long time ago, where The World Is Square" appear.
Then the background is replace by space, with the words "Square Wars" appearing in Star Wars style.
Then these words scroll up.
"Leaving a New Hope"
"It was a time of war and fear when the "
"Shinra Empire was challenged by the "
"alliance of Returners and Avalanche. "
"The alliance just won a battle against "
"the Shinra when it discovered the plans"
"to the Shinra's newest weapon, "
"THE METEOR OF DOOM. "
"As the Princess Aeris rushed to her "
"home planet, Nibelheim, the Dark Knight"
"chased her in his Mana Fortress of "
The words finally scroll away, and the image scrolls down. Then, from out
of nowhere, a Big Whale type ship streaked across the screen, only to be
followed by a larger version of the Mana Fortress. The lasers and missiles
are fired at each other, but the Big Whale is finally stopped, as a huge
explosion rocked the ship. Inside the ship, we see many Returners armed their
weapons, as Robo and Cait Sith walked around.
"Did you hear that?" Robo chirped.
"Yeah, I told you so. The cards told me the mission was doomed! Doomed, I tell you." Cait Sith muttered.
"I don't this is the time to say that. I think we are being presently boarded." Robo replied.
The Mana Fortress hovered over the Big whale, and opened up its docking bay.
"So what do we do now?" Cait Sith asked.
"We gotta protect Aeris, and get the plans to the alliance." answered Robo.
"Now there's a original plan if I heard one." mocked Cait Sith, as they prepared for battle.
The access door to the Big Whale was suddenly blown open, and coming out was the elite members of the Shinra's forces. The Returners fought valiantly, but they were overwhelmed by the numbers of the Shinra forces. Robo and Cait Sith, realizing this, fled the battle scene.
"Okay what do we do now? How are we to protect Aeris and get the plans?"
Cait Sith asked again.
"Look, you get an escape pod. I find Aeris and get the plans from her. Hopefully, I can get her here." acknowledged Robo.
"Better do it now because here come the Dark Knight himself." Cait Sith mumbled.
As if on cue, a tall figure came in, wearing the attire of a Dark Knight. He has an electronic device on his chest. He looked around at his men. His breathing, due to his various life support systems, was quite audible. Then he continued down the hall.
Meanwhile Cait Sith was at the escaped pods, pacing around. He said, "Oh, Robo. Where are you? What's taking you so long."
On the other side of the ship the Shinra troopers led prisoners pass the
main computer systems as the Dark Knight interrogated one of the personnel
on board. As he did so, he lifted the personnel of the floor by the neck.
"The computer doesn't contain the plans for Meteor." a trooper said.
"Okay, wise guy, where are the plans that you intercepted? What did you do with those transmissions?" harshly questioned the Dark Knight.
"We didn't get any transmissions. This is a diplomat's ship, heading to Nibelheim." the personnel replied with difficulty.
"If this is a diplomat's ship, what happened to the ambassadors?" the angry figure asked, now crushing the man's neck, and flinging the dead figure to the floor.
"Tear up this lousy excuse for a ship and find those plans. And round up any passengers. I want them alive." he ordered the surrounding troopers.
As this occurred, Aeris and Robo were on the other side of the hall. Robo
was given a cartridge, and he inserted it into his memory slots. He took
notice the type of cartridge it is.
"An N64 cartridge, you fit the entire plans in a N64 cartridge?" he asked.
"Well, you wouldn't believe what we fit in there. Here's the password that'll give you access to the plans." she stated. Robo understood and allowed her to whisper near his audio receptors.
"Run." she whispered. Was that the password, or a command, he thought. Just then he noticed two SOLDIERS close by. So he sprinted towards the escape pods. Aeris on the other hand, didn't notice the two uniformed men and wondered why Robo sprinted off. Then she turned around, to see two masked troopers in front of her.
"Come with us so we don't have to bother to stun you." one of the men commanded.
I don't think so, she thought, as she swung her rod into the commanding man's groin. He fell, and she went in to a sprint. Unfortunately, the other man casted sleep on her. She succumbed to the dust of the spell, and fell into sleep. The two men went up to her.
"Tell the Dark Knight we have a prisoner."
Robo finally arrived at the escape pods.
"What took you so long?" Cait Sith inquired.
"I was about to get the password to the info on the cartridge when two SOLDIERS spotted us. I noticed, but unfortunately the princess didn't." answered Robo.
"Great. Now how do we get in the escape pods? Only she knows the password to those." Cait Sith moaned.
"Actually, I think I know." Robo replied, as he entered the password. "X A B Y, Zabie."
"That's the password? Thought it was L A R A, Lara."
"Let's not talk, let get out of here." Robo and Cait Sith entered the pod and activated it. The pod launched and left the ship. As it fell it went past by the Fortress' sensors. The pilot room was notified of this, but they were sleeping.
"Hey, if you two guys are sleeping on the job again, I will send you back to guard duty at the Shinra headquarters." alerted a commander. The two men in the Fortress' main pilot room awoke, and ID the craft. One of the men responded back, "Look, there nothing to worry about. Nothing's alive in here. Now, will you excuse me, I'm getting my sleep."
In the escape pod, Cait Sith and Robo settled down as the pod drifted slowly
to the nearby planet. Cait Sith looked outside at the two spacecraft.
"My, my my! Look at all that damage. Robo, do you think we can get those plans to the alliance?"
"Aeris said there might be an old friend living on the planet below. If we locate him, he might help us get to Nibelheim."
"Robo, I hope you're right. Say? How about a game of cards until we land?"
Back in the captured Big Whale, Aeris is escorted to the menacing figure
of the Dark Knight. She didn't seem pleased.
"Well, if isn't the Dark Knight. Only you can go this far. The council of the gurus would not stand these things, if they heard what you did. For I'm on a diplomatic mission and you attack us!" The Dark Knight responded, "Don't you dare play games with me princess. I know you are helping the Returner/Avalanche alliance. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship. What did you do with those transmissions?"
"I don't know what are you talking about or accusing me of. I'm a consular ambassador headed towards Nibelheim..."
"You're a traitor, and that's final! Take her away." the Dark Knight ordered. As two soldiers took Aeris out, an Imperial Commander turns to the Dark Knight.
He starts, "Holding her is dangerous. You are taking awful risks here. If word of this gets out, the Gurus might sympathize."
The Dark Knight responded, "I have traced the Returner spies to her. Now she is my only link to find their secret base!"
"She'll die before she tells you anything." muttered the commander.
"I take care of it. Send a distress signal and then inform the council of gurus that all aboard were killed!"
Another Imperial Officer approaches Dark Knight and the Commander. They stop and snap to attention.
"Dark Knight sir, we have searched everywhere. The plans are not one this ship! And no transmissions were made."
"What?" growled the Dark Knight.
"But wait, I have more. An escape pod was jettisoned during the fighting, but no life forms were aboard." continues the officer.
The Dark Knight, pondering the circumstances, responded, "It's highly possible that the plans are in the escape pod. Send a squad of SOLDIERS to retrieve it. See to it personally, Commander. There'll be no one to stop us this time.
"Yes, sir." returned the commander.
The giant Mana Fortress hovers over the surface of the planet Corel.
Meanwhile in the great deserts of Corel, Robo and Cait Sith trek through
the sands. Cait Sith seems uncomfortable, while Robo seems focused. "Man,
I wished I have taken an Escort Armlet. It would be the perfect protection
against the desert winds. Not to mention the scorpions and giant spiders."
complained Cait Sith.
"Hey, those three in Secret in Mana can trek through a desert and find a transport, so should we. So stop complaining." replied Robo.
"Hey, we shouldn't be wandering aimlessly like they did. I say, let's set a straight course to civilization." Cait Sith proposed.
"How do you propose to find a town? You are only a fortune teller and gambler." reminded Robo.
"Exactly. I gonna use my fortune telling skills to get out of here." And with that he took out tarot cards, fortune cookies, a Ouija board, and the daily horoscopes. He played with the Ouija board and tarot cards and read the horoscopes and fortunes in the cookies. He finished, stood up, and pointed towards the sands. "I say, after my research... that way!" Robo was skeptical.
"I don't think so." he said.
"Hey, I predicted the mission is doomed." Cait Sith retorted.
"But we are continuing on with the mission and I say those cards are wrong. My scanners, on the other hand, say town is that way." Robo answered, pointing to the rocks. Cait Sith pulled out a Sense materia.
"Sensing, sensing, sensing... this way!" Cait Sith said, again pointing to the sands.
"Nope. That way." Robo replied, again pointing to the rocks.
"Okay, we have a little problem. I think it's this way, and you think it's that. Fine go that way. And I'll go this way. We'll see whose right." a frustrated Cait Sith moaned.
"Fine, you go your own way. I'll go mine." returned Robo, as both he and Cait Sith went their separate ways.
As Cait Sith traveled over the vast sand dunes he muttered to himself, "That fool Robo, thinking that I can't predict the future. Well, I show him. I'll show him all!" As he continued, a small figure appeared on the horizon. Cait Sith waited, as the figure grew larger and as more appeared. Soon he could see that they were carts pulled by chocobos. "Hey, I was right. A convoy! A convoy to civilization!" joyfully he shouted. He screamed to the figures, "Hey, I need a lift! Can you help me? Hey, I'm over here!"
Meanwhile, Robo trekked through the stone canyon. He looked around, hoping to find any sign of civilization. Suddenly a few small rocks fell on the canyon wall. The noise brought Robo's attention. "What's that?" He viewed the area thoroughly, seeing no one. "Well, something must be out there. Looks like I'll have to approach with caution." He continued on with caution, not knowing he was being watch by a group of Imps. Then, without warning, a single Imp appeared, zapping Robo. "Must continue on. Must bring plans too safety." he cried, as he slipped and fell on his face, deactivated. The Imp then motioned others to help him. More green creatures surrounded Robo, as they picked him up, and they carried him.
Time went on, as the Imps traveled through the canyon, still carrying Robo. Soon, a group of carts are seen. Chocobos were harnessed to them. When they reached a cart, they placed Robo down standing. One of the Imps reached in the cart and pulled out a small crown. After placing it on Robo's head, they lifted him, and loaded him on the back of the cart. Finishing that, the Imps scattered, climbing up on their chocobos.
In the cart, Robo finally came to. He looked around his surroundings. He
saw a pink version of him, probably another R-series type bot. Also there
were a few Buggers and Protos. Then he notices a familiar figure. A black
cat with a megaphone sitting on a fat moogle. The figure comes to.
"Robo, is that you?" the figure asked. The figure comes closer. It is Cait Sith. "Hey! Robo! It is you! It is you!" Robo responds with glee, "Well, fancy meeting you here." The Imps got their chocobos started and headed out of the canyon.
Meanwhile a group of SOLDIERS search the area where the escape pod landed.
One trooper called out to the commanding officer.
"Hey, those guys messed up! Something was in the pod. See? Here are some tracks." Another trooper dug up the sand and finds a small bit of metal.
"It must be robot tracks. Tell those guys next time to search for intelligence, not life forms."
As the group of SOLDIERS followed the tracks, the convoy of chocobo drawn
carts arrived at a little settlement of farms. A well dressed man came to
greet the Imps.
"So what do you have for us today?" the man asked.
"Well, we have many things today. Magicite, materia, airship parts, robots, relics." an Imp replied.
"Splendid. Now set up the auction stage and notify the public." said the well dressed man. The Imps started setting up an outdoor stage, complete with chairs for the public. Other Imps went to the settlement, where they announced the auction of stuff found in the desert. Soon various people came to the auction stage.
"Get your stuff from the desert. Sold only to the highest bidder!" the man called. Meanwhile, Robo and Cait Sith, wondered why they stopped.
"I wonder where are we?" Cait Sith asked.
"It looks like a settlement. Shall we leave and ask around for Bugenhagen?" Robo replied.
"You're not going anywhere." An Imp as outside the back of the cart, holding a remote control. "You're gonna be sold in our auction."
"Auction?!!!" both Cait Sith and Robo shouted, as they were dragged to the back of the auction stage, with other items for sale. They tried to move, but the slave crown prevented that. By that time the public already has settled down on the chairs. The well dressed man starts to speak.
"Welcome to our auction. Our first item up for bids is 1/1200th of an airship." A group of Imps carried in a airship part. "The bidding starts at 100 gil."
Then a boy interrupted the bidding, jumping in his seat. "I want it daddy. I want it. I want it. I want it."
His father tried to quiet him. "Hush now." The bidding continued.
The man on the stage now asked, "Are there any more bids?"
Suddenly the father of the noisy boy shouted, "1,000,000 gil!"
"1,000,000 gil?!" everyone else gasped.
The well dressed man addresses the crowd. "Sold. Now take it away."
"Yippee. YAY!" the boy cheered. His father tried to calm him down.
"Okay, now. We have our treat. Let's go home, and please don't tell mama." They left, taking the airship part with them. In the crowd, two men gave a sigh of relief. One was a fella in his late 30s. The other almost reached 20.
"Whew, no one can outbid that man." the younger one said.
"Well, Cecil, sometimes the farmers are better than us. And we're the miners. Do you remember what your aunt Kathryn said?" the older man asked.
"Yes. She told me that if you get a translator droid, make sure it speaks Japanese." Cecil replied.
"Well, that nothing to worry about. Your uncle Duane knows that all translator robots speak Japanese. They speak it while in Japanese games." Cecil was rather skeptical. He would rather ask the droid if they understand a foreign language then trust his uncle's instincts. The well dressed man started speaking again.
"The next item is a... a... ... WHAT IS IT?" Cait Sith was then dragged on
to the front.
My name's Cait Sith and that's is all you're gonna get." he shouted. The well dressed man was taken aback.
"Well, look's like we got a multi-purpose thingamajig. Now are there any bids?"
Cecil stood up. "I'll bid 200 if it speaks Japanese." Cait Sith heard this and thought he could finally escape this auction by saying some Japanese.
"Ohiogosiamus. Konichiwa. Mushi mushi? Inchi ne san."
(Good morning, Hello, Hello, who is this?, 1, 2, 3 in Japanese)
"That's good enough for me, 200." replied Duane.
The auctioneer spoke again. "Are there any more bids?" The room was silent. "Sold. Now take it."
"I'll come to them thank you." said Cait Sith, as he walked off the stage and towards Cecil. The auctioneer ignored this and continued announcing.
"Next we have this wonderful R-series based robot. In prime condition." A
pink R-series robot was brought onto the stage. "Are there any bids?"
"I didn't know they had R-series robots. This would be good if I get to pilot starfighters. 400 gil." Cecil bided. Like before there were no other bids and Cecil got the robot. He received it still turned off. When he turned it on everybody was in for a surprise.
"Humans everywhere. Must eliminate them for Mother Brain." it said.
"What the, o yeah? SLOTS!" it was Cait Sith. He didn't get three of the same item, but that was okay. A big rock conked the robot's head. The robot fell down and Cecil rushed in to turn it off. Then he opened up the head to examine its contents.
"Uncle Duane! This R-series unit has bad memory components and was reprogrammed. Look."
Duane, looking miffed, went up to the auctioneer. "Hey, what are you doing?
Don't you check if your merchandise is dangerous to the public or not?" Cait
Sith, after surveying the wrecked Atropos, the robot's name, he remembered
"Hey, there's another R-series robot. In great condition. And don't worry, he isn't dangerous. That bronze one over there." he mentioned. Cecil called out to Duane.
"Uncle Duane, there's a bronze one over there. Not dangerous I heard."
"Not dangerous you say? Find take it. I had enough auctioning for one day." the auctioneer muttered. Robo came to Cait Sith.
"Well, look's like you got us out of a jam. Shall we continue on?" he asked.
"Are you kidding? After today, I wanna recharge and get cleaned up before continuing. Hopefully these guys will provide that." Cecil and Duane approached them.
"Cecil, take these robots and clean them up, you understand?"
"But, I'm supposed to head to town and get some stuff with Kain."
"You can do stuff with your friends tomorrow."
"Alright uncle. Come on you two." The four started on to a house in the village.