Crono Goes to College Part 2
Mr. Crono Goes to Washington(?!)
By Cadet McNally
Ding Chavez, John Clark, Alistair Stanley, Julio "Oso" Vega, "Rainbow", and anyone else from any of his books Tom Clancy. Tang belongs to someone, too. Please don't sue me.
Robo looked up and giggled like a little school girl. "Mr. Crono Goes to Washington?! Jimmy Stewart is spinning in his grave, Harry." So sue me. It's SORTA funny, isn't it?
"No, not really," said Lucca. All of a sudden, Lucca dropped dead.
"Hey! That's really pissin' me off, man!" yelled Robo. He dropped dead, too. In fact, picture the plot of Armageddon, only the asteroid hit. Guardia was destroyed. Boo-hoo.
Lucca woke up. Some dream, eh? Got ya goin', didn't I? Well, let's get on with it! (Harry starts hitting his keyboard with a wrench.) ahsdhnmjdcdshdafgalksdjvsafjfaslkdfhnkjfjfKSNAAJSHFlsajfkashAKASHGSDFVDFSHakdasj dofkasdgnfjksafhgakSJgadslgsldjg;JLKkjfl;sjglkag;jslJS;ljlkajgl;SDJGLKA
"Owie!" screamed Harry's keyboard.
Robo had been working all night to find a cure for the Tang Syndrome. Although he didn't find a cure, he made a name for it, "Gant." Lucca walked out of her room.
"Man, I had this weird dream..." There was a knock at the door. Lucca answered it. Outside, there was a tall, built man pushing sixty and a smaller, built Latino man.
"What the hell are we doin' here, Mr. C.?" Chavez asked. Clark shrugged.
"Beats me, Ding. All I know is, we're here and Tom Clancy's prob'ly gonna sue Harry."
Fat chance, John. He doesn't even know I exist.
"Maybe, but his spies are everywhere. Even the walls have ears." Clark pointed at the earlobes sticking out of the wall.
Oh, those. I put those there for fun. Goes with the eyes in the windows.
"Alright. Let's get out of here, Ding."
"F***in' A, Mr. C." Robo looked up.
"How'd you do that?" he asked.
"Do what?" asked Chavez.
"Speak in asterisks." Harry groaned. This is getting nowhere fast. Suddenly, the scene shifted.
"I hope this don't mean we stay in this story..." muttered Chavez.
Skippy laughed. He couldn't help it. His feet were in the microwave. Besides, it tickled. Giggles came down the stairs.
"Skippy? Is the microwave fixed? I wanna cook me a... Never mind. I don't want to use it anymore." Skippy thought of something.
"Hey! We need some plot development or else this story goes nowhere!" Actually, Skippy. I can name a movie that made it big without any plot at all!
"I don't believe you!!" Really? It's called Titanic. "Okay, you've made your point. But still, where would this story go without a plot?" Point taken. Okay, lets do it. Plot development coming up.
"This is it! I found the cure!!" Robo's shouting startled Lucca out of her nap.
"What? What's the cure?" Robo explained. It would have taken a few pages, but I'll spare you... this time. Heh heh heh... ahem. "So all we have to do is lock them in a room with a large bottle of spit?"
"No. I said that we need to lock them in a bottle of spit." Lucca gagged.
"No, actually I'm bolts." Ding Chavez walked in.
"Dammit, I thought I was out of this story." TS, Ding. I need you in this story. "Tom Clancy's lawyers are goin' to sue your ass, man." They can't sue me. I'm a minor. John Clark walked in.
"Is there any certain reason we're in this story? Quite honestly, I see no reason we're here." You'll see. "You want to see the barrel of my .45? I'm going to shove it up your..." Clark turned into a chicken. Damn, I'm getting off track again. If, uh, you have any suggestions, just send them to me at Cadet_McNally@yahoo.com, 'cause I'm, like, getting off track here. I'll, uh, put Clark back the way he was and send him and Chavez back to England for a little while. "'Bout Damn time..." This don't mean you're out indefinitely, Clark. "Aw, sh..." Clark and Chavez disappeared. Robo looked at me.
"How about a large bottle of spit?" Well... I can give you the bottle, but you need to supply your own spit. "Fair 'nuff."
Skippy groaned. He'd been reading the last few paragraphs. "Well, I better initiate plan A-1. Giggles! Get me the secret weapon!" Giggles brought out a large bottle of A-1 steak sauce. Skippy covered everything in sight with sauce.
"Uh... Skippy? What are you doing?" asked Giggles.
"It's part of my plan! I'm making everything in the bunker Saucy, and the pathetic losers that Lucca will pick to raid the place will fall in love with... saucy mugs or saucy televisions or... saucy wallpaper..."
Alistair Stanley looked around in confusion. "Where the Bloody Hell am I?" Clark walked in.
"Trust me. You don't want to know. Harry, you do know that this is slightly illegal?" No, not really. I just put a liability notice on top of the story. I ain't liable for beans.
"No, but you're liable for money. Al, I need you to go back and get the rest of the group. Bring equipment, guns, everything."
"Some kind of operation, John?"
"Yeah. We're taking down an evil sorcerer by the name of Skippy."
"Skippy? What kind of loser name is that?" It's Skippy's name. "Who said that?" I did. I am the author. "You're right, John. I don't want to know where I am. Well... how am I supposed to get back to Hereford?" Like this. "Like ho..." Stanley disappeared.
Everyone was spitting like crazy. The bottle was half full and Lucca looked rather green. Julio "Oso" Vega, Rainbow's heavy machine gunner, was spitting like crazy. "Hey, Ding."
"Yeah, Oso?" Ding was having a glass of water.
"Why are we spitting into this bottle? Some kinda biological warfare?" Ding hesitated.
"Uhh... let Robo explain." Robo did.
"Yuck. Well, as long as it works." Everyone kept spitting. After a few more hours, it was full.
"Okay, Crono goes first." Robo lifted Crono and shoved him into the bottle head first. Almost immediately, Crono woke up, his brain restored. Crono climbed out, went to the bathroom, took a shower and vomited. Marle did the same.
"Okay," said Crono the next day, learning about what happened. "Let's go get Skippy."
To Be Continued...
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