Final Fantasy Simpson Chapter 3

Homer In The Freezer

By Geode

Homer, Cloud, Red XIII and Vincent walked into the huge glacier cave. Ice formed on every crevice and crack in the cave. Homer gazed around the huge cave. Homer whistled. The whistle echoed around the cave.

"Hee hee hee," Homer laughed. "I can here myself!" Homer ran out further into the cave. "Hello!!" His voice echoed throughout the cave. "My voice is everywhere!!" Homer began to laugh more.

"Uhhh Homer, You really shouldn't…" Vincent broke his aura of silence. Homer turned to Vincent.

"Don't worry! Keep your cape on!" Homer continued shouting through the cave. Suddenly, the team heard a huge cracking sound. "Huh?" Homer gasped as he looked up to see a huge icicle crash onto him. "AAAhhhhhh!" Cloud, Red XIII, and Vincent rushed over to help Homer up from the icicle. Homer shook himself. "Owww…"

"Let's continue," Cloud reminded them. The team slowly traveled through the winding caves. The team came to a large lake. Cloud looked across the lake. "I think that the way out is through there," Cloud told the party.

"How are we to get across?" Red XIII asked. Cloud looked up and saw the icicles. He thought for a moment.

"What if we knocked those down and used them to get across the lake," Cloud said.

"That wouldn't work," Homer said plainly.

"Good idea Cloud," Red XIII ignored Homer. The team started up the stairs to knock down the icicles.

"Hey! I inspired that idea!" Homer shouted as he rushed after the team. They climbed up in front of the icicles. Vincent loaded his gun and fired at one of the icicles. The icicle cracked and fell into the lake. Vincent was preparing to fire again when Homer came up next to him and grabbed his gun.

"Let me show you how a pro does this!" Homer told Vincent and shoved him aside. Homer lifted the gun and prepared to fire. Cloud quickly grabbed it and flipped it around so that the barrel of the gun wasn't pointing at Homer's head. He pulled the trigger and the bullet launched. It hit the icicle and deflected off. The bullet went crashing into another icicle and deflected off that. The bullet began to ricochet through cave.

"Get down!" Cloud shouted. The team ducked as the bullet went past them. The bullet ricocheted again and found a target. The bullet crashed into a smaller icicle on the other side of the room.

"DOH!" Homer shouted. Suddenly the cave began to shake violently. All the icicles crashed down at once. After the shaking stopped, the team got up.

"Did Homer's shot do that or his voice?" Cloud asked. Vincent shrugged as he took his gun back from Homer's pocket. The team went down to the lake.

"Now, we hop onto the icicles to get across," Cloud gestured to the icicle stepping-stones. Cloud jumped first and landed onto one of the icicles. He slowly hopped his way across the lake. He made it to the other side and motioned for his friends to follow. Vincent then went, followed by Red XIII. Homer looked down at the lake.

"Come on Homer!" Red XIII called from across the lake. Homer walked backwards and then took a running leap onto one of the icicles. He maintained his balance and continued across. He was about halfway through when one of the icicles he landed on began to sink.

"Homer jump off!" Cloud shouted. Homer looked around.

"I wonder who he's talking to?" Homer said before he realized he was sinking. "AAAAAHhhhhhhh! I'm sinking!" Cloud handed Vincent his pack and leapt over to help him.

"Grab my hand!" Cloud yelled. Homer grabbed his hand, and Cloud was pulled in with him. Water began to seep onto the icicle. "Ohhhh! I wish those Square jerks had kept Float in this game!" Suddenly, Cloud pulled out one of his materia.

"Escape!" Cloud shouted. Homer and Cloud instantly disappeared. They reappeared on the other side of the lake next to the team. Cloud brushed himself off. "And they say this materia is useless!"

The team slowly navigated the cavern. They entered an empty hallway. Homer was huffing and puffing from all the walking.

"This looks like a nice place to rest," Homer called and plopped down on the floor. Cloud tapped him on the shoulder. "What the hell do you want?" Homer asked Cloud, irritated for being interrupted during his resting period. Cloud pointed behind him. Homer scowled. "Oh! So, not only do you break my concentration, but you want me to twist my head around to look at something! Well, I'm not doing it!" Homer crossed his arms. He felt steam rush behind him. Homer's jaw full lack and he turned around to see a huge two-headed dragon staring down at him. "Uhhh… I don't feel so tired anymore…" (Still More Fighting Theme Cues up!)

"Let's get him!" Red XIII shouted. Vincent pulled out a piece of yellow materia.

"Sense!" Vincent shouted. A little menu appeared over their heads.

"Hmm… Schizophrenic huh?" Cloud said. "You won't be hearing voices in a minute." Cloud pulled out a piece of green materia. Homer, after watching Vincent, saw that they were using the materia all wrong.

"Step aside pointy!" Cloud shouted and grabbed the piece of materia. "This isn't for amateurs!" He raised the materia in the air and chucked it at Schizo's left head's left eye. Schizo growled in protest. "Now that's how you do damage!" Cloud slapped his forehead. Red XIII spun into the air and nailed Schizo in his right face. Schizo growled in rage.

"Homer! You aren't supposed to throw it at him!" Cloud shouted. Homer walked over and picked up the materia.

"Then what should I do with it?" Homer asked himself.

(Just do what you normally do and you'll be all right!) Homer's mind shouted. Homer shoved the materia into his mouth. He chewed down on it with a sickening crunch. He slowly gulped it down. Vincent stared at Homer and walked over to Schizo.

"Just kill me and get it over with!" Vincent shouted at Schizo.

"I don't feel so good… BUUUURRPPP!" Homer's belch echoed through the cave. The cave began to shake. No, Homer began to shake! Homer clutched his stomach. A huge opening appeared in the ceiling of the cave. Lightning struck down through the opening. Bahamut soared into the cave.

"Heeeeeeeeeerrrrre's Johnny!" Bahamut shouted as he flew through the cave. He flew in front of Schizo. "Uhhh… Another ugly boss! You sure do know how to pick 'em!" He breathed in a super powered charge of energy. He stopped and smiled. A little star shine glinted off a tooth. A blew out a huge fireball. The hit sent Schizo through a wall. Bahamut saluted and flew out. The team brushed themselves off.

"Schizo is dead!" Red XIII told the team.

"You know what that means!" Cloud nodded. (Fanfare music cues up…)

Cloud spins his sword.

Red XIII stands on his hind legs and howls.

Vincent flips his gun.

Homer jumps in the air and shouts Woooooooooooooooooooohoooooooooooooo!

"Let's continue," Cloud told them as they headed for the cave's exit. Red XIII suddenly felt his tail all wet.

"Huh?" Red XIII looked around to see Homer and Vincent. Homer was hiding a bucket behind his back.

"It was him!" Homer pointed to Vincent accusingly.


Go To Chapter 4

Return To FF7 Fanfic