Final Fantasy Simpson Chapter 7

Homer vs. Sapphire WEAPON

By Geode 

Tifa coughed. Her body felt like it had been hit by a truck. She was on something cold. She realized that she was waking up from another strange dream with Cloud in it. She shook her head and sat up in her bed. She opened her eyes to see that she was in some type of medical facility.

"You OK?" Barret asked.

"Yes… I think so," Tifa stretched her arms. She looked around the room.

"What has happened?" Tifa asked.

"Well… Sephiroth has sealed himself in his hole. We were brought to Junon and that moron Homer and his buddies are here too," Barret explained. Tifa sighed. "Cloud's missing as well… The whole world is a mess."

"And Meteor?" Tifa asked. Barret walked over to the window controls. He pressed the switch. Nothing happened.

"You stupid piece of $#^@&#% junk!" Barret growled as he began kicking it. Finally, the shutters opened. Tifa looked out the window.

"I don't see anything," Tifa replied. Barret narrowed his eyes and looked out the window.

"Ooops. My bad," Barret ran to the other side of the room and opened the windows. Tifa's face went white when she saw the huge mass known as Meteor suspended in the sky.

"And the WEAPONs?" Tifa asked. Barret paced around the room.

"They're running around havin' a good ole time," Barret replied. "Rufus is doing all he can to stop 'em," Barret laughed. "I have to give him a little credit." Just then, Homer rushed into the room.

"Oh I just made breakfast, you don't have to give me any credit," Homer barged into the room carrying a platter.

"I wasn't talking about you!" Barret shouted. Homer held the platter to Barret. Tifa walked over to see the platter. Homer had taken a frozen waffle and put it in a bowl with cereal and bacon. "Umm… What da hell I this?" Barret shouted.

"Breakfast. Don't you people eat in this dimension?" Homer snapped. Tifa scratched her head.

"They make breakfast like that in your world?" Tifa asked. Homer narrowed his eyes.

"Why? Do you have a better way of making it?" Homer glared at her. Ned Flanders walked into the room wearing an apron that read, "I work in God's kitchen." He held out a platter.

"Here's some dum diddly delicious breakfast," Ned held out the platter. Barret grabbed it.

"I don't care fer the dum diddly, but I'll take the breakfast," Barret smiled as he saw Ned had made bacon and eggs.

"Sure! He stole my idea. But you didn't give me any credit!" Homer shouted.

"But Homer. You stole the first breakfast I made and…" Ned began.

"Shut up Flanders!" Homer replied. Just then, Rufus walked in.

"Good day folks. Nice to see you awake Miss," Rufus motioned to Tifa. "We were expecting Cloud to show up but… he didn't so…" Rufus trailed off.

"What are you doing now?" Tifa asked.

"Well, after careful consideration, I've decided that I am going to execute both of you. Free of charge!" Rufus smiled.

"What? You %#^*^$#*(&@(*&@#*(&*($#&#*@$(&$*()&@$()@#$*$)(@*!" Barret screamed as Heiddeger and Rude walked in with manacles. Rufus looked to Flanders and Homer.

"You're both free to watch," Rufus replied. Homer's face brightened.

"Woohoo! Free execution! Out of my way jerkass!" Homer shoved Rufus out of the way. Tifa and Barret were hauled away by the guards. Ned frowned and followed. Tifa and Barret were led to a large lecture hall with the gas chamber. Scarlet was busy flirting with some of the Shin-ra soldiers. When she saw Tifa, she quickly rushed over.

"Hello. You look well… That's soon to change in a minute," Scarlet laughed at her own joke.

"Ah ha ha ha! That was good!" Cait Sith in disguise was cracking up. Barret glared at him. He quickly shut up. Scarlet grabbed Tifa and shoved her into the gas chamber. A few seconds later, Scarlet walked out with one of the guards and closed the chamber door.

Homer, Barney, Moe, Ned, and Grandpa sat patiently to await the execution.

"Ha! This execution is nothing. In my day, we used to execute our prisoners by making them watch bad reruns. Back then, reruns were even worse than they were now!" Grandpa mumbled on and on.

"Hey Homer? Why are they going to execute that woman anyway?" Barney asked.

"Idunno," Homer replied.

"I'm glad she's being executed so she can pay for her crimes. So many people get away with murder these days," Moe replied.

"But Moe. You got away with murder last week and…" Barney began.

"Quiet you!" Moe shouted.

"I realize I haven't been here very long Homer but don't you think you should explain to the people that Tifa didn't do anything wrong," Ned added. Homer started to think.

Suspense music is playing in the background.

"Excuse me gentlemen, but the ride ends here," Homer shouted. They raise there guns to meet him. Scarlet laughs.

"And what are you going to do?" Scarlet laughed. Homer smiled. He leapt into the air with amazing agility and kicked a soldier in the face. He grabbed the others gun and swung it at the other soldier. The soldier collapsed. Scarlet cried out and began to run away.

"Oh no you don't!" Homer cried. He pulls a grenade from his pocket and rips out the pin with his teeth. He tosses it off screen. There's a huge explosion and Scarlet's red shoe goes flying across the screen. Then Homer runs over and rips the huge door off it's hinges. He runs in and a second later is carrying Tifa. Cheers rise from the crowd, even the Shin-ra, and roses are thrown to Homer.

Homer broke his trance.

"I'll do it! I'll save Tifa!" Homer smiled.

"10 seconds until gas release," a voice called over the intercom.

"Doh!" Homer growls. All of a sudden, sirens ring through the room.

"Warning. Warning. WEAPON is approaching the base. Do panic but if you value your lives you will," the voice called over the intercom again. Everyone ran out of the room except for the Simpson team, Barret, Cait Sith and Scarlet. Homer and Cait Sith walked over to Scarlet.

"Umm… Since the execution is probably canceled, can I just get Tifa and leave," Homer tried to walk past Scarlet.

"Huh? It's knock out gas!!" Scarlet collapsed to the floor.

"Good job with the knock out gas," Barret called to Cait Sith.

"Gas? I didn't even get to use it!" Cait Sith called back. They both looked to Homer. Homer shrugged and walked over to the chamber door. He groaned and used all of his might to open the door.

"Uhh! It won't budge!" Homer panted. Cait Sith turned the handle and it opened.

"That was only the safety door you foo'!" Barret growled. Barret walked over to the door and pulled on the real door. "It won't budge!"

"The controls must be in another room," Cait Sith announced.

"Les hurry then," Barret waved for the door.

"Wait a minute! What the hell's going on! Why we are following him?" Moe asked Homer.

"No time to explain now Moe. Just follow Mr. T.," Homer replied as he quickly followed. Barney, Ned, and Grandpa quickly followed. As they exited, Homer slammed the door shut. Barret whirled around.

"What'd you do that for!" Barret roared. Homer looked at the door and then back to Barret.
"Well I… Um… Uh… It was him!" Homer pointed to Barney. Barney belched in reply. Barret slapped his face with his hand and walked over to the door. He tugged at the door.

"It won't budge!" Barret strained as he pulled.

"We have to hurry to the controls and get her out of this mess," Cait Sith announced.

"If we split up, we can cover more ground," Ned suggested.

"Good idea God boy," Barret replied. The team split up and ran into different directions.


"Is the cannon ready to be fired?" Rufus asked eagerly.

"Yes. All systems are ready," Heiddeger announced. "Fire on your command." Rufus scratched his head for a moment.

"Umm… Uhh…Well… I guess… we should… Fire?" Rufus strangely replied.

"FIRE!" Heiddger shouted.

"Fire!" a Shin-ra soldier shouted.

"Fire!" the word continued. The Mako Cannon groaned and let loose a huge shell of energy. The blast hurtled toward the ocean and hit Sapphire WEAPON dead on. Rufus brushed back his hair in relief.

 "Did we get 'em?" Heiddeger asked a man at a control panel. He looked up from his intent game of Solitaire.

"Huh? Oh yeah. We got him," the man replied and went back to the game. Sirens sounded again.

"Warning. WEAPON is approaching Junon Harbor. Immediate resistance is requested," a voice rang out.

"What's that mean?" Heiddeger called to the voice.

"It means get your fat @$$ in here so we can blow the %#^$ out it!" the voice returned. Everyone, besides Rufus, ran out of the room. Rufus began to walk out, but was interrupted by a huge splash of water.

"Hey! What the…" Rufus wiped his eyes as he saw Homer standing in the doorway with a bucket.

"I got the fire!" Homer said smiling. Rufus wiped water from his face.

"You idiot! We said fire the cannon! Not fire," Rufus shouted. Homer stared blankly at him. Rufus sighed and walked past him. He immediately saw the flickering controls.

"Oh! Flashing lights! Hehehehe!" Homer ran over and began pressing buttons. In the window in front of him, he watched as the security doors went up and down at the press of a button. He heard of a few screams from people trapped when the doors closed, but no other harm was done.


"Hey you! Where are we going?" Moe demanded Barret.

"The hell I know! I'm just following the stupid cat!" Barret retaliated. Just then, a reporter ran up to Moe and took a picture of him.

"Huh!? I hate the paparazzi!" Moe blinked his eyes from the flash. He punched the reporter square in the face.

"Oww! Hey! It's me Yuffie!" Yuffie rubbed her chin.

"Yuffie? We don't have time for you! We gotta save Tifa!" Barret shouted as he quickly rushed off.


Sapphire WEAPON roared as it emerged from the harbor. It's huge form loomed over the base. Shin-ra guards unleashed all their fire power on the beast and then fled in terror.


Hmm… Cannon main controls… Sounds good to me," Homer flicked a few switches.

The cannon groaned and rotated to the right. It nailed Sapphire WEAPON in the face with the huge barrel of the weapon. (Hitting a WEAPON with a weapon!) Sapphire WEAPON shook it's head it anger and fury. The cannon shifted back left and nailed him again in the nose. Sapphire WEAPON moaned and rubbed his face. It huffed and puffed and then unleashed a huge blast of energy, slamming into the front of the Junon facility. Tifa took advantage of this to begin her escape. Homer continued experimenting in the control room.

"Hmm… Wonder what this does," Homer pressed a big red button. At that very moment, Sapphire WEAPON was preparing to fire at the cannon. A projectile flashed out of the cannon and nailed it in the face. A huge explosion rocked the area. Sapphire WEAPON reached up and felt where his face had been. It grasped the air a few times and then clenched it's fists. It turned away and dived into the harbor.


"Hey! This looks good. Let's take it!" Moe spoke as he stared at the Highwind.

"That was my plan," Cait Sith replied.

"No it wasn't. It was Moe's," Barney replied. "He said it and then you told him it was yours so it's really his," Barney replied and then burped.

"Umm… Let's just go," Yuffie broke the conversation. Cid waved as they got on.

"Let's go pick up Tifa," Cid called.


Homer continued pressing buttons on the panel. Suddenly, Rufus and Heiddeger burst in.

"You! He's been messing with the bases controls," Rufus waved at Homer.

"Uh oh," Homer quickly replied. He jumped out the window onto the top of the base. The cannon lay before him. He watched as Tifa climbed out of a crevice from Sapphire WEAPON's blast. "Hey!!" Homer ran down the cannon towards her.

"We have to get out of here," Tifa called out. She waved and they rushed to the end of the cannon.

"Uhh… We've run out of cannon," Homer quickly told Tifa.

"Hold it right there!" Scarlet cried. They turned to see her and two Shin-ra soldiers run down the cannon. "You may have escaped the execution, but falling from this cannon to your death might still be interesting." Scarlet turned around and pushed one of the soldiers off the cannon. The soldier screamed as he plummeted into the bay. "See?" Tifa looked down in horror and then to Homer.

"We have to think of a plan!" Tifa cried. Homer was busy in his own thoughts.

'Happy landings Flanders!' Homer shouts as he pushes Ned off the barrel of the Mako Cannon. Ned screams as he plummets down to the water below.

"Ahhh Ha Ha ha ha ha!" Homer begins to laugh hysterically.

"What's so funny?" Scarlet demanded. Homer was about to say something but began to laugh again. He then slapped Scarlet in the back from the joke. Scarlet faltered and nearly fell off the cannon. Suddenly, the Highwind soared by.

"Gee… How did it get here without making any noise?" Tifa wondered aloud. Barret waved his hands.

"Tifa, Homer! Run to the end of the cannon!" Barret cried at the top of his lungs.

"What?" Homer shouted. Tifa rushed to the end of the cannon. Homer scratched his head and then rushed after her. Tifa lunged after a rope Barret threw down to her. She missed it but then caught it on the way down. The Highwind rushed off.

"Hey! What about me!" Homer cried. The Highwind, forgetting about the cool cut scene, halted in midair and whirled around. It quickly sped by to where Homer waited. Another rope was flung down to him. Homer grabbed it. The Highwind tried to continued, but it was having trouble.

"The engine can't take it! Something heavy has grasped the ship!" Cid shouted. Homer screamed as he whirled in the air. Cid glanced over the controls. He saw a lever that was marked, 'Use at the end of the game, Use after invading Midgar, and Use in case of emergencies AKA Homer goes on board.' Cid flicked the emergency switch. A pair of jet engines emerged from the Highwind. The Highwind leveled off. Homer struggled on board. They resumed the cut scene and continued on.


Meanwhile, the part everyone's been waiting for.

"Ahhhhhh!" Mr. Burns and Mr. Smithers hurtled out of a portal and landed inside the Crater. Mr. Burns and Smithers crashed onto one of the ledges.

"Owww…" Mr. Smithers groaned. Mr. Burns lay on top of him. Mr. Smithers saw him and sighed. Mr. Burns shook his head and stood up.

"Ehh… Smithers! Where are we? Where are the thousands of civilians flocking to see me!?" Mr. Burns demanded. Smithers groaned and got up.

"I don't know so sir. I'm sure they'll rush here any minute when they here you've arrived," Mr. Smithers replied.

"Damnation. I can't wait that long. Hmm… We seem to have landed in some kind of deep chasm," Mr. Burns surveyed the area.

"It looks like a crater sir," Mr. Smithers added.

"Bah! What do you know? Hmmm… What's this? Some green smoke. It almost reminds me of the plant. Smithers! Let us find the source of this green energy. It looks like it leads downward," Mr. Burns looked at a sign reading, 'This way down.' "Let us go down Smithers."

"But sir…" Mr. Smithers was about to protest.

"Do as I say! We're going down now!" Mr. Burns shouted. Mr. Smithers quieted and silently walked began down the passage to the bottom of the crater.

Meanwhile, a shadow watched them go down into the crater. It laughed and turned around and disappeared. A ver very very long shadow protruded from the shadow's back. It took a few minutes for that to finally disappear as well.



Thanks for actually reading this part of the story! My apologies for it not being as good as the rest. The next chapter will be good. Trust me on this. If you can bear to make a comment saying this chapter wasn't a total waste, please do so! I need some reassurance about my work in this serial story! All comments, even the bad ones, are welcome at this point!


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