The Great Revenge Part 2: The Cloud Wars Chapter 1
Travelling to Other Worlds Must Be Expensive
By Limited Moon
"Hello, i'm Cliff Friedman, it's just a normal day in the wonderful city of Midgar. Today, we'll expect sunny weather and no rain whatsoever."
There was a thunderclap outside, and it began to pour...
Aerith sighed, she was bored. The last excitement she had was watching her beloved Cloud (and sabotaging Tifa, but that effort failed) win the Ehrgeiz tournament, and a big shiny new sword that is currently rusting in his villas living room. Of course Vincent, Yuffie, and Sephiroth were there, but she only wanted to see Cloud.
Suddenly, the phone rang, Aerith's eyes darted open, and she began to dash for the phone. After all, it might be Cloud, and if she doesen't answer it within three rings, he might hang up and call Tifa instead. She wouldn't want that.
She dashed out of the bedroom and into the hall...and tripped over her Princess Guard rod, thus making her fall...down the stairs, and directly into the wall.
The phone rang a second time.
She was hurting, but she couldn't miss Cloud. She pulled herself out of the small crater created by her in the wall, and ran to the table to pick up the phone. She picked it up, only to hear nothing on the reciever...she pulled the wire up, only to see it was chewed up.
'Not to worry,' she thought, 'theres another phone I can answer!'
She ran back up the stairs, unfortunately there was a small roller skate on the 5th stair, she tripped over it and slammed back into the crater in the wall, making it deeper.
The phone rang a third time...
She quickly pried herself out of the crater and ran into her room, there she picked up the phone beside her bed.
"Hello?" she said into the reciever. Then she realized that the phone was in here the entire time, and hit herself in the head for being so stupid.
"##$#%$%$ Aerith, have you seen Cloud?!"
"Oh...hi Cid," Aerith said, "no I haven't."
"Well, he'd better start tellin' people where the @#@!##%% he's going, I need his spikey headed %$% to help fix the $#$$%%&^ hole he promised to help me with in the airship last week!"
"I'll be sure to tell him."
"$@#$#%$#^^$^%%^"
"Yes, Cid, I understand how important this is to you."
"%#$%%^%&^*&(*"
"Don't worry, you have my word."
"#@$^#&%!!!"
"Ok, bye, Cid," she put the reciever down, she thought for a second on Cloud's whereabouts.
"If I were Cloud, where would I go?" she thought aloud.
Knocking was heard from downstairs, Aerith smiled.
"Of course, exactly what I thought!"
She quickly ran down to the door, and patted herself to get rid of the dust from the fall. She opened the door, and sure enough there was Cloud.
"Hi Aerith," Cloud said.
"Hi Cloud!" Aerith greeted back.
"Hi Aerith!" Tifa called from behind him.
"Oh....hi Tifa," Aerith said, cursing under her breath.
"Me and Tifa are going to help Cid fix his airship, wanna come along?" Cloud said.
"Oh why not, i'm bored here anyway," Aerith replied, walking outside.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Dasher Inoba, a world title champion wrestler, was chowing down on ramen noodles in the restaurant. He was hungry, but he wasn't happy. In fact he was taking it out on everyone in the restaurant. He threw everyone out except the chef, who continually served bowls of ramen without saying a word.
"Stupid Clowd person, why'd he have to take my sword!" Inoba comlained, slurping down another bowl of Ramen, "I was the one who shoulda had Ergates!"
The Chef silently handed out another bowl of ramen noodles.
"I mean, i'm the strongest man in the world! I even got a belt to prove it!"
The Chef silently handed out yet another bowl of ramen noodles.
"Stupid Clowd...I can't be happy this way, I have to go grind him into the concrete! If I don't murtilize him and take Ergates from him, i'll never be happy again!" Inoba said, standing up, the chef didn't seem to care for his ultimatum, and just put out another bowl of ramen noodles, as if Inoba wasn't there.
"How do I find Clowd though, I mean, I don't even know what country he lives in," Inoba said, sitting back down and slurping some more noodles.
"I think I can help you with that," came a voice from behind Inoba. Inoba turned around to see a man clad in nothing but robes. Inoba couldn't see anything behind the robes, but someone was there. The man walked beside Inoba.
"Wha? What can YOU help me with little man?" Inoba said, returning his attention to the bowl of ramen in front of him.
"Simple, I know where Cloud is. You DID say you were looking for him, correct?"
Inoba spat his ramen out on the floor upon hearing the news, "Clowd?! You can help me find him, and mutilate him?!"
The chef ignored the mess and handed out another bowl of ramen noodles.
"Heh, heh, yes. That and much, much more," replied the cloaked man.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
"It's a hole," Cloud said, stating the obvious.
"How the hell did this get here anyway, you $#@$@##@?! I want this fixed, because I sure as hell am NOT going to fix this," Cid yelled.
Cid stormed out of the hull of the highwind, where a huge hole was in the wall. Cloud simply scratched his head.
"I wonder how this happened?" Aerith said, sighing.
"Cid can be very demanding," Cloud said in complete monotone.
"Wha? What did that have to do with what Aerith said?!" Tifa replied.
"It's a hole," Cloud replied.
Tifa simply shrugged, "we'd better start patching this thing up."
"Yes," Cloud replied, picking up a toolbox.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Within the ShinRa building, President Rufus waiting for the call that would determine whether his plan was a failure or not. He waited patiently at his desk, twiddling his thumbs to keep him busy. Suddenly, the phone rang, he quickly grabbed for it and hit the 'talk' button.
"President Rufus here, is that you Reno?" he said into the reciever.
"Yes. Your team just uncovered the Helmet of Mambrino. At least this HAS to be it, we detected an enormous amount of power emanating from it with the computers," Reno replied.
"Good! The Helmet is the only thing that can make our dimensional transporter, left off from that last Guardian Emblem incident, work again."
"I will make sure it's in safe keeping and taken to the ShinRa building right away, sir."
"Yes, I want an update in an hour. Oh, and Reno, keep this VERY hush hush, I don't want a certain spikey headed person and his group learning of my little plan."
"Of course, sir, Cloud wont hear a thing."
Now all I need to do is simply hope Cloud and company don't find out about this, he thought.
Rufus hung up the phone and smiled evilly, soon all the planets of the universe would be accesible to ShinRa, and money would pour in from all sides. In other words, he would be able to stick Mako reactors all over the UNIVERSE, and there was nothing Cloud could do about it. Rufus laughed evilly at this thought, and fell over the back of the swivel chair...
* * * * * * * * * * * *
"Finally! I thought we would never get it done," Aerith sighed.
"So, who was more of a help to you Cloud?" Tifa asked.
"Why does it matter?" Cloud replied.
"I thought I was more of a help to him than YOU," Aerith said.
"No, I helped him more than YOU did," Tifa snapped back.
"No, I helped him more and that's that!"
"No, I helped him more!!"
"I did!"
"No, I did!"
"NO! I DID!"
"#$$%$#%$^%!" Cid yelled, "you done at last?! YEAH! Now I can get this baby flying again!"
"Only because of MY help," Aerith said, giving Tifa a raspberry, Cloud shrugged.
Cid ran into the piloting area and started the engines up. Soon the Highwind was in the air again and soaring above the Chocobo Plains. Tifa, Cloud, and Aerith simply enjoyed the ride from the deck, looking down on the plains.
It was then that Tifa noticed an odd looking dig site, with lots of people there.
"Hmm?" Tifa thought aloud, "Why would there be a dig site in the middle of the chocobo plains?"
"Yeah, I see it too, maybe we should look around, huh Cloud?" Aerith said, smiling at him.
"Uh, ok," Cloud replied.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Reno looked up, it was the highwind, and at a time like this too. He put on his famous archaeologist suit and mask, and made himself look presentable enough to be an archaeologist.
"Reno, an aircraft landed near here!" came a soldier from outside.
"Prepare to hide the helmet, we have to keep it a SECRET," Reno said.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
"Why should I #@@%^$% care about this #@#%$#$%^?!" Cid yelled.
"The Chocobo Plains are far below sea level, Cid, a dig in an area that was once covered by water and as flat as a wooden board? Come on," Tifa replied, looking around.
"Ah, halo, may I help you?" came a very unbelievable voice from Reno, who was walking up in his archaeologist get up.
Aerith began to giggle. Then laugh. Hard. Tifa and Cid followed, realizing exactly who this was. Cloud stood there looking dull as always.
"What the ##@@#%?! This supposed to be some kind of joke Reno?! AHAAHAHAHAAH!" Cid howled.
"....stop it, this is embarrasing enough," Reno said, pulling off the mask, "this is ShinRa property, you are trespassing."
"What are you doing digging in the chocobo plains?" Cloud said.
"It doesen't matter now, as what we were looking for is already heading to Midgar, soon to be in ShinRa's loving grasp," Reno mused.
"Sir!" Elena walked up to Reno, "The Golden Helmet of Mambrino was successfully..," she turned her head and saw the three, "...er...shoved into a blender and thrown into an oven on high sir. Your Golden Helmet of Mambrino dinner is to be ready in 10 minutes!"
"What is Rufus up to now, I wonder?" Cloud said.
"Whatever this 'helmet' thing is, we have to stop Rufus from getting his hands on it! See ya Reno!" Aerith said, running.
"Yeah, good $#%$#% bye!" Cid yelled scuttering after her. Tifa and Cloud followed promply.
"Gr....Elena, what does it mean to keep a secret?" Reno said, turning to Elena.
"It means not to reveal the secret to those not favorable of being told?" Elena said, "Sorry?"
"If we hurry, we might make it to the ShinRa building to comfort Rufus when he's crying in his desk about them stopping him," Reno said, "come on, Elena."
"What about Rude?" Elena asked.
"Rude hasn't been introduced to the fanfic yet, Elena, but until then it's just you and me....I want Rude," Reno whined.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Soon, the three headed towards Midgar, after regrouping. Cait Sith, and Vincent were now coming with them to stop Rufus from getting the Golden Helmet of Mambrino. RedXIII and Barret were left behind to hold the fort, mostly so Barret could watch his favorite show.
They hovered over the top of the ShinRa building and looked down on the large grated floor where the Sister Ray's controls used to be. Rufus now uses this area as a patio, and keeps a convenient (for both sides) back door to this area.
"Aerith, you and those $%@#!@@$# hold the fort!" Cid said, "me and this $%$%$%#$ is going in!"
"Why can't we come along?!" Aerith whined.
"Because this ship has no auto-pilot!" Cid yelled in response.
"No AUTO-PILOT?!" Cait Sith said in disbelief.
"It's a %#@##$#$ long story, and I aint tellin' it to ya! Now, #$@$#$ go and keep this Airship orbiting the $#$$@#$ building!" Cid ordered.
Cloud and Cid jumped down onto the grated 'patio' and ran toward the back door into Rufus' office. They opened it, and sure enough, there was Rufus sending the two messengers with the helmet to the machine. Rufus turned, and upon sight of Cloud and Cid, sighed.
"Wont you just leave me alone?!" he whined.
"LEAVE YOU ALONE?! YOU #@$#$@#%!! You better tell us what the #@%$$% is going on, or you'll be sliced Rufus kabobs!" Cid said.
"What are you doing with the helmet?" Cloud asked in monotony.
"Heh, you'll never get to it, it is just now being loaded into the Deva System to start up the dimensional transporter," Rufus said with an evil smirk, "soon ShinRa will control the entire universes buisiness industry! Imagine the profit."
"I thought monopolies were illegal," Cloud replied.
"We're gonna stop you whether you like it or not, you #$@$##$!" Cid yelled.
"Oh really? Well, i'm going to be..."
Rufus was interrupted by the door he was standing in front of (his favorite door) suddenly opening and knocking him into the ground. Once the door opened, it unhinged off it's latches...
"Hi guys!" Cait Sith yelled from behind it.
...however, when Cait was saying that, the door fell backward and started falling down the spiral staircase. Cait jumped out of it's way and looked down the staircase.
"oops..," he said as it disappeared beyond the limit of his vision.
"MY DOOR!" Rufus yelled, immediately getting back up, "I have to go after it, I can't let it's paint scratch!"
Rufus charged down the staircase after it, Cait simply shrugged.
"You #$#$$%$^! He's getting away!" Cid yelled, throwing his cigarette to the ground.
"Don't worry! We're on it!" came Aerith's voice from near Cait, soon Aerith, Tifa and Vincent sped by the doorway, continuing down the stairs. Cait shrugged again and followed.
"It's an empty doorway," Cloud said.
"Shut up!! SHUT UP YOU $$#%#%$! I wonder who the hell is piloting my highwind while this is going on?!" Cid yelled.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
"Reno?! Do you see that?!" Elena said, pointing frantically out the Turkmobile window.
"What is it, Elena, a cute fluffy bunny?" Reno said, taking another sharp turn.
"No, it's a big airship flying directly into a mountain!" Elena said.
"....wha?"
"Wow! What a HUGE explosion, special effects can't beat that!" Elena said excitedly.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
The delivery people relaxedly carried the Golden Helmet of Mambrino towards the Deva System room at the bottom of the 60 floor spiral staircase, when they heard a banging.
"What's that?" said one.
"I...don't know," said the other.
They both slowly turned around...too late, a large door rammed them at high speed, completely flattening them and making the Golden Helmet of Mambrino join the ride. Soon, followed Rufus, Cloud, Cid, Aerith, Tifa, Vincent and Cait Sith running after it and stepping all over their unconscious bodies.
"Cloud, is there any way we can go any $%#@$#$ faster?!" Cid yelled.
"I'm getting tired!" Aerith whined.
"My legs feel numb!" Tifa whined also.
"I'm hungry!" Cait Sith whined, just to make the moment complete.
"SHUT THE #$$@ UP!" Cid yelled, "damnit, the damn door's getting away!"
"MY PRECIOUS DOOR!" Rufus called after it.
"MY PRECIOUS DOOR!" Cait Sith mocked.
"SHUT UP!" Rufus yelled.
The helmet, being lighter, made it to the bottom first. The entrance area to the Deva system was wide open, allowing the helmet to have a completely unhindered passage into it. By luck, the helmet struck the 'On' switch and flew into the small power core compartment at the bottom of the system. The Deva System began to power up.
However, the door soon followed, and so did Rufus, Cloud, Cid, Tifa, Aerith, Cait Sith, and Vincent. Rufus spotted where the door was going, and sped up his run. As it went by, the door struck the location switch, and a portal opened.
"NOOOOO!" Rufus yelled.
The door flew directly into the portal, and so did Rufus. Everybody else stopped running and looked at the huge portal.
"Now this is just $#$#$% up!" Cid said.
"Shouldn't we help Rufus?!" Aerith said.
"It's a portal," Cloud declared in monotony.
"#$%$#%@ HELP RUFUS?! Are you insane?!" Cid yelled.
"Rufus is a person too, and if he's stuck in there...someone even WORSE might succeed him, like Scarlet. At least we KNOW Rufus!" Tifa defended.
"Damn, you're right!" Cid said, "but let's take this $%#$^$$ helmet, so noone else get's stuck in here."
"Right," Tifa said, taking the helmet out of the core generator. The Deva System began to lose power, and the portal started to close.
"Wow, special effects team worked hard on this one," Cait Sith said.
"Everyone. Get in quickly," Cloud said, jumping in.
"Damnit, this is all $%%^!@ up!" Cid said, following him.
"and away we go," Vincent said, following.
"Yahoo!" Cait Sith yelled, jumping in.
As Tifa began to jump into the portal, Aerith pushed her out of the way, and grabbed the helmet.
"Hee hee, Cloud's mine, and he wont have you as long as you're out here and not in there!" she declared, laughing evilly. She jumped in, and the portal grew smaller.
"Urgh...must...get...," Tifa said, trying to crawl toward the opening, she made it just before it closed on her, and was soon inside.
.