The Great Revenge Part 2: The Cloud Wars Chapter 6
Ah, Symbolically Holy Snorkeling Fun is Symbol!...And Other Tales of Mystical Fantasy
By Limited Moon
"I can't $#%$%$% believe we're doing this $#%^$#$# again!" Cid complained as he set up the door trap again.
After splitting up from Cloud, Tifa, Aerith and Daravon, Cid took Vincent, Rufus and Cait Sith to a small open room in the Long Library, the spot they chose to set the steel door trap up again.
"Hey, it'll be just like last time, right?" Cait Sith replied as he set the door on the right up.
"It had better be," Rufus said seriously, "I don't want to be here anymore."
"Hey, you don't have the room to complain, you got us into this," Vincent challenged.
"No, that stupid cat over there was the one who broke the door off it's hinges and sent it careening down the stairs, if anyone's to blame, HE is," Rufus replied defensively.
"Stop %#%$%#$%$ arguing!" Cid yelled, "I hear the little piece of $#%% coming, get to yer positions!"
Everyone scurried to the switches, they looked out both exits until they saw a blur coming from the right side.
"Ok, here's our chance, on the count of three....1....2...," Cid counted.
Then he stopped. The blur continued drawing close with each minute they stalled.
"What the hell, Cid?!" Rufus said, looking at him.
"I'm waiting for the $%#%# cat!" Cid yelled, tapping his foot.
"Um," Cait said, thinking, "THREE!"
They hit the switched simultaneously and the doors closed. They heard a crash outside the door and quickly flipped them again to examine what happened. The door slowly opened, and an old man with a large staff laid there dazed.
"Interesting," Cait Sith said, "this Picket looks a lot like Ramuh."
"uooh...i'll get you for this....yes I will," Ramuh said before falling unconscious.
Cid, Vincent and Rufus looked at Cait Sith with an angry look on their faces. Cait Sith shrugged hopelessly.
"You wanted me to say 3," Cait defended, shrugging.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Cloud, Tifa, Daravon and Aerith were in a similar predicament, only they couldn't set up any traps. They had chosen the Alchemy Laboratory, hoping the picket would run through there.
"Ah, items used are items used in battle!" Daravon blurted out at random.
"I wonder if Cid was able to do it?" Aerith said.
"Look, something's coming!" Tifa reported excitedly, "quickly, everyone to their positions!"
"What positions?" Cloud asked.
"Oh, you're right," Tifa said, "um...everyone just go somewhere random in the room!"
The four scattered into various hiding places in the room. Cloud chose behind a small desk with various chemicals on it, Tifa chose to go with Cloud, Aerith chose to go with Cloud, and Daravon just hid in the corner. They waited patiently, and after a couple of seconds, a little Gorgon Ghidra (those cute little things that have one eye in Lunar) sped inside, and stopped in the middle of the room.
"What the hell is that?" Aerith said, obviously surprised.
"I don't know, but it must have Dracula's Symbol-thing!" Tifa replied, "on my 3, we charge it."
"What about Daravon?" Cloud said in complete monotone.
"Forget him!" Tifa replied, "one.....two....."
"Ah, cute is petting an Gon," Daravon blurted out. Tifa stopped counting, and looked around the desk. There was Daravon, holding it in his arms and petting it.
"We can forget charging it," Tifa said in frustration.
The three came out from behind the desk and walked to where Daravon was standing.
"Come to think of it, it IS a cute little thing," Aerith said as she began to pet it.
"Does it have the Holy Symbol?!" Tifa said.
"Ah, symbolically, snorkeling is symbol," Daravon said, grinning.
"I will never understand that man," Tifa said, frustrated.
Daravon proceeded to take out a white snorkel, "symbol!" he said.
"It's the holy symbol," Cloud stated the obvious.
"We don't know that for sure!" Tifa challenged.
"Well, it IS green, and little, and this snorkel IS whitish," Aerith explained, "it's worth a try."
Aerith proceeded to grab it and hug it, "oh it's so adorable!" Aerith said as it squeaked.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Cloud's party regrouped in the Outer Wall and returned to Dracula's Quarters, where he sat patiently awaiting his Holy Symbol.
"It was not by MY hand that I am once again given flesh," Dracula recited as they entered, "I was called here by ~humans~ who pay ME tribute."
"Tribute?!" came a voice from a tape recorder, "you steal men's souls, and make them your slaves!"
"What is a...," Dracula said as he noticed them coming in, he flipped the stop button on his tape recorder and smiled.
"What the %$%!@@## are you doing?" Cid asked.
"Oh, this is just rehearsal, so did you find that little ugly green thing and get my symbol?" Dracula replied sternly.
"Yes, we have it," Tifa replied, holding up the White Snorkel.
"Ah, there you are!" Dracula said, grabbing it, "I can't swim, so this is a life-saver!"
"Can we go home now?!" Rufus asked.
"Ah, that," Dracula said, "I don't see why not."
"Thank goodness this is finally over!" Aerith said with a sigh as she pet the Gorgon, "I can't wait for my new Gorgon Ghidra to see his new home!"
They heard a gunshot outside, then a female voice saying, "Barry, you're not supposed to use a real gun you moron!"
"Send us home please," Rufus pleaded, "PLEASE!"
"Oh, alright, if you MUST hurry me!" Dracula replied, waving his hands.
Cid blinked and saw the familiar Deva System room and everyone else in it. The Deva System then shut itself down.
"Woohoo!" Cait said, "i'm glad to be back home!"
"I think I just learned a valuable lesson here," Rufus said, looking at the helmet, "I think i'll trash the Deva System."
"Let's go outside," Vincent said, "I need some fresh air."
"Uwee hee hee!" came a voice from the Deva System, everyone turned around slowly, and behind them, was Kefka.
"We have a stowaway," Cloud said.
"Cool! How'd I get here, heh eh heh heh!" Kefka said, looking around.
"I think Dracula cast the wrong spell," Tifa said, whining.
"he can't stay here, he doesen't belong here at all!" Rufus said, "before I do that, though, I need to give my door a fresh new coat of wood-color paint and reinstall it."
"heh eh heh eh heh, he said wood," Kefka said.
Everyone except Kefka groaned.
"Son of a submariner!" Kefka bursted, "i'm out of nachos...heh eh, NACHOS!"
"Cait," Vincent asked, taking out his notepad "does Kefka count?"
"Not really, he quoted his own game," Cait replied.
"Ok," Vincent said, putting it back.
Soon, an air raid siren sounded, and the world began to shift. It basically folded itself inwards and ended up being backwards. Everyone looked around when the siren ended.
"What in the #$%#%#%#$ was that?!" Cid said, "wasn't I just over there?!"
"Let's go upstairs and see what happened," Rufus said, charging up the stairs, everyone else followed. Soon, they were in Rufus' office, only it was...backwards, and on the wall was a graffiti circle with a square in it.
"Hey, what is that?!" Rufus wondered, examining it.
"It is the mark of Squoud," came a female voice from the other door. Everyone looked towards it to see an old woman in a nun costume standing in front of the door.
"Hey, it's the flying nun!" Cait Sith said, chuckling.
"Shut up!" Rufus yelled.
"It is the mark of Squoud," the woman repeated, "don't let it be completed! Stop the Squoud!"
"Dahlia, there you are!" came a voice from the door behind her, it opened and two people in white suits walked in.
"Don't let it be completed!" Dahlia said, cackling in insane glee.
The two men grabbed her and started to walk out the door, saying, "this is the third time you escaped this week!"
"Ok, that made a lot of sense," Vincent remarked, looking towards Rufus' coffee maker.
"Uh, Rufus," he said quietly.
Rufus turned towards it to see Kefka gulping down his entire container of coffee. He groaned. After all the coffee was gone, Kefka put his shirt over his head and danced around the room cackling.
"Let's just forget about this moron!" Rufus yelled, looking out the window, "we have things of our own to worry about, like where the hell we are!"
"I need money to buy TP for my bunghole!" Kefka said, cackling at random.
Soon, a voice sounded that could be heard from the small room, "welcome, Cloud, Tifa, Vincent, Cid, Aerith, Kefka, Cait Sith, and Rufus," it said, then paused to take a breath.
"Hey, that sounds like Cloud," Aerith said.
"You are in my dimension, the 'mirror dimension'," the voice said, "I am Squoud, and we have your friends, Barret, RedXIII and Palmer. Come to Ragdim's lower city and give me the helmet, or they will face death!"
"So, who was it that opened their big $%%#%#$ mouth and spurted out the idea of calling Barret again?!" Cid complained.
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