Mystery Fanfic Theater 3000: Episode #101
The Sword of Zeal Part 1
By The Spy
1998 a.d. (Earth)
Tom: Well, this story throws around dates like Dan Marino throws interceptions.
Crow: No, I'd say it's more like how Shaq throws free throws.
Devon was working hard at the computer, writing a story for a page on a Chrono Trigger site that he found on the net. "Icybrian's Chrono Trigger page, eh? Seems like he has a lot of fanfic... I'm gonna add a story! What should I call myself.... The Spy!!!"
Crow: Well, no one saw that one coming.
Devon thought to himself, typing frantically. "My story will be the story of Crono Trigger, but a bit different. Crono will actually talk." The doorbell rang. Remembering that he was home alone, he rushed from his room to the door. He flung it open.
Mike: Yeah, it's always a good idea to fling open the door when you're home alone.
It was his best pal, Scott.
"Hey, Scott!" Devon greated him.
"I'm here for the sleepover. Is anyone else here?" Scott asked, looking around the room.
Crow: Wait a second... Teenage guys are having a sleepover?
Mike: I think we all know what kind of teenage boy has a sleepover...
All: A GAY teenage boy!
"Nope! But you know how Rich is! He's probably gonna pull a trick on us." Devon replied. At that moment, Rich jumped through the window, shooting water balloons at Devon and Scott.
Tom: (Rich voice) Wheee! I'm bleeding to death and the glass popped all my water balloons, but it was so worth it!
"AHHHHHHH!!!!" Scott yelled.
"You have to pay for that window, you..." Devon said, ringing out his shirt. They all run up to Devon's room to get ready for their night at his house. After a few minutes, all of the sleeping bags were rolled out, and the TV was on. "What game should we play?"
Crow: Soggy cracker!
Tom: Lunch at San Quentin!
Mike: I never thought I'd say this, but... I'm not gonna sink to your level.
Devon asked, browsing through his libary of video games.
"How about this one?" Rich asked, holding up a very dusty game.
"What's it called?" Scott asked.
"I don't know." Rich replied, blowing the dust off the game.
Crow: (Devon voice) Augh!! My crack!!
"Whaja do, Dev, glue the dust on?"
"I think i can make out something... Cbomo Frigger?" Scott asked.
Tom: F-frigger? OH MY GOD!!! LETMEOUTLETMEOUTLETMEOUT!!!
Mike: (Holds Tom down) You've got to sit and suffer with the rest of us, buddy.
"No, it's Chrono Trigger.
This games been lost for years! Let's play it!" Devon was about to pop in the game in the snes, but the TV went on the fritz. Devon tried pulling on wires and reconnecting them,
Mike: Ah, the always successful Homer Simpson method.
but it didn't help.
"Scott, try kicking it. It works in the movies!"
Crow: So do warp cores, ion engines, and James Bond pickup lines.
Rich suggested. Scott booted the TV. It fell off the table smashing the Chrono Trigger game.
"Oops." Scott squeaked out.
* * *
1000 a.d. (Crono's world)
"Crono..." A voice called.
"Crono!" It sounded persistant.
"Crono get out of bed!" His mom was shaking him.
"Huh? Wuh.....ugh.....zzzzz" Crono was trying to get up.
"CRONO! Get up or else you'll miss the fair!"
Crow: (Crono's mom voice) You're late for work! Do you think all the puke and beer spills are going to clean themselves up?
Hearing that, he bounded out of his bed, and was off to the fair.
Mike: Luckily, our hero sleeps fully clothed AND armed.
"Hmmm... he forgot his 200 gp allowence!" Crono's mom said to herself.
Tom: Yeah, kids forget about 200 bucks all the time.
Crono took his time looking at all of the fair's attractions. He had won many silver points and spent them at the tent of horrors.
Tom: I'm glad the author didn't take the time to explain this totally foreign concept...
Crono wanted to see Lucca's invention, so he ran to the north side of the square. He wasn't watching where he was going, and he hit a lady about his age.
Mike: And our brave hero randomly punches a woman in the crowd. Bravo!
She had a ponytail in her hair.
Mike: (Mr. Ed voice) Whoooooaaaah boss! That's my tail!
That's all he noticed, because he did a flip and landed face first on top of her.
Crow: I'm sure THAT was an accident.
Mike: Heh, heh.
"Oops, sorry!" Crono quickly helped her up.
She only said one phraise. "Where's my pendant?"
Crow: (Woman voice) Never mind the multiple puncture wounds your remarkably Saiyan-like hair inflicted on me...
* * *
1998 a.d. (Earth)
"You...." Devon procedded to yell out every swear word he had ever known and probably invented some new ones in the process.
Tom: (Devon voice) You lousy... googleshng!!
Mike: Don't make me antrim you.
While Devon was spazing out, The game managed to magically reassemble itself.
Crow: (Church Chat Lady voice) How conveeeeeenient.
"???It's broken????At least i thought it was broken???" Devon mumbled. Then rays of light came from the cartridge, opening a gate and pulling Rich, Scott, and Devon into it. Then it closed, and the snes game broke apart again. then an unknown voice talked to itself.
Mike: Uh oh. What do you do when the voices in your head start hearing voices?
"The legend of Crono is a game here, but real life there...history is changing... the only way to save it was to use a copy of history (the game) to send people from another reality to set things right. They looked like they knew a lot about This Chrono Trigger game... I wonder if i made the right choice..." The voice was none other than.. The Entity!
Tom: Tony Danza?
Crow: Now that was an acid trip if I ever saw one...
Tom: Yes, the kids who hadn't played the game in YEARS probably know a lot more about it than the thousands of hard core RPGers who play it a hundred times a month.
Mike: Ooookay. Well, you guys can stay here, but I'm going! (Gets up and leaves)
Author's note: I want people to email me and tell me where this story should go from here. Iv'e got an idea but i would like to see yours.
Crow: I'll tell you where this story should go... to Hell!! (Gets up and leaves too)
Tom: Uh, Mike? Crow? Somebody...?
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, SoL symbol)
(Servo is busy clicking away on his computer mouse, and Crow has a Super Nintendo controller in his hand, while he's staring at a TV screen. Mike walks up.)
Mike: Hey guys.
Tom and Crow: Hey.
Mike: Hey Servo, how'd you get out of the theater?
Tom: I've got a hoverboard, Mike. I don't know why you always insist on carrying me around like a damsel in distress.
Mike: (Frowns) That's a good point. So anyway, what are you guys doing?
Crow: We're doing research for the story. I'm playing Chrono Trigger, and Tom's reading through all the fanfics.
Tom: We figured it couldn't hurt to have more quip fuel.
Mike: Good idea. But, what can I do?
Crow: Don't worry Mike, we've got it covered.
Tom: Yeah, why don't you just help yourself to a sandwich there. (Cambot pans back to reveal a plate with two big sandwiches on it.)
Mike: Sure, thanks. (Reaches for one.)
Crow: But choose carefully!!
Crow: One sandwich is the bologna of eternal happiness, while the other is the hideously evil sandwich of doom!
Mike: Uh huh (Thinks for a minute). Well, this one here looks good... (Picks up a sandwich)
Crow: You chose the wrong one! Oh, what hideous evil will be unleashed upon the world?!
(As Mike stands there eating, approximately three plastic insects fall from the ceiling, none of them hitting him.)
Mike: Mmm... This is a great sandwich guys. Thanks. (He walks away.)
Crow: (Walks over to where Mike just was and looks at the ceiling) I don't understand it! Let me just have a look here...
(As Tom continues to click away on the computer, Crow gets a ladder and climbs up to the ceiling.)
Crow: Aha! I see what the problem is. This latch just jammed... (There's a clicking sound, and suddenly, a flood of plastic insects rains down from the ceiling. Crow and the ladder are both hurled to the floor, and buried under the pile. Tom, who is busy rereading the first half of Mount Woe Chapter 33, doesn't notice. Then, all the lights on the ship start flashing, and the bridge begins to vibrate. Mike comes back, finishing off the last of his sandwich.)
Mike: Come on guys, we've got story sign!
Mike: Story sign!!
Tom: What sign?
Mike: Story siiiign! Get in the theater now! (Mike runs through the doors, then runs back out, and smiling, grabs the second sandwich. He then runs back in.)
Tom: Okay, sure.
Crow: (Raises his hand above the pile of fake bugs covering him) Help me...
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