Mystery Fanfic Theater 3000: Episode #101
By Nanaki
(SoL symbol, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... Mike and Crow walk into the theater. Mike sets Tom in his seat, then he and Crow sit down, looking up at the screen.)
The Sword of Zeal Part 2
Where Am I?
By The Spy
600 a.d.
Crow: Crap. Now we're REALLY in the Middle Ages.
"Hello?" Devon heard someone calling out to him.
"Yes?" He had tried to say, but for some reason he couldn't. All he saw was black.
Tom: (Black voice) All I see is Kasumi!
Mike: Opening your eyes generally helps...
"I'm probably out cold." He thought. "But why am I conscious and unconscious at the same time... hmmm.." Devon couldn't really comprehend what he had just said
Tom: That makes all of us.
...no, make it thought. Suddenly, he had discovered the ability to open his eyes.
Crow: Whoah, Mike was right!
Mike: I know. I'm worried too...
His body must have become conscious. Devon had opened his eyes just in time to see someone throw a big bucket of water on his face.
Crow: (Voice of the water thrower) Oops. It doesn't wash off...
"Hey, wha..Argg!!!!" Devon yelled as the water soaked him. Devon yanked the bucket off his head. "What the hell do you think you're..." Devon stopped talking as his jaw dropped. He was looking at Crono.
"Oops." Crono said sheepishly.
"You're....You're....???? What the hell is going on here?" Devon said, rather confused.
All: That makes ALL of us.
"I'm Crono, and she's Lucca." crono said pointing to a girl with purple hair.
Tom: Purple? Uh oh, we may be heading toward Sailor Moon territory.
Crow: (Holds up a gun) I'll end it myself before that happens!
Mike: (Grabs the gun away) Where did you get that?
Crow: Remember that "crime bill" song we did a while back?
Mike: Oy.
"What a goofy helmet" Devon was about to say, but instead he addressed the rather large amphibian.
Mike: Who had apparently appeared out of nowhere.
And you, sir, are frog. Of course that will do 'till I get your real name."
"How did you know?" Frog asked, amazed.
"A very long story. I shall tell it to you now." Devon was about to start a story about everything from the sleepover to the arrival, but
Crow: It was rated X, and couldn't get by the censors.
a voice in his head stopped him.
Tom: (Voice in the head) End the story now... End the story now...!
"The game's storyline is programmed to go a certain way! You couldn't change it even if you tried! But now I've sent you to a planet with the exact same storyline as the game! You have to keep it in line! Don't say a word!" The Entity was talking to him through his mind. Like thinking to him.
Mike: Him? Thinking?
"Well?" Crono asked
"Err..I'll tell you later..." Devon said.
Tom: Hey! The voice told him not to say a word!
* * *
Magus was sitting in his throne,
Tom: (Magus voice) Damn Taco Bell...
in his castle, wondering what to do with Leene that he had just captured.
Tom: He makes it sounds like Leene is a product.
Mike: New "Leene" potato chips! 50% less fat!
Then he sensed it. He felt a powerful force. Nothing magical, but defiantly strong.
Crow: (Defiantly strong voice) I am not!
He had to go see this energy! He had sensed it in Truce village. He quickly warped to the northern part of Zenan bridge - Or what's left of it, anyway. He was definitely closer. Magus had walked into several houses with nothing except screams for help.
Crow: Fortunately for Magus, locks hadn't been invented yet.
Then he looked at a strangely dressed boy.
Tom: Hot pants, coconut bra, high heels... Yep, he's the one.
"That's him!" He thought. Magus ran up to him and snatched him.
"HEY!!!" Crono yelled.
Mike: Um...? Wouldn't Devon be the first one to yell?
But it was too late. Magus had snatched Devon and warped to Magus' castle.
"What's with this?" Devon yelled. When Magus pulled off the blindfold, Devon almost fell to pieces.
"Hello, kid. I'm..."
Crow: (Magus voice) Vegeta. I decided to wear my hair down today...
Magus was interrupted by Devon.
"You're Magus, I know."
"How did you..." He was interrupted again.
"No, Janus." Devon told him.
Tom: The god of January?
Mike: I don't think that's quite how it works...
"OK, kid. You're gonna tell me how you know and that power I feel from you." Magus demanded.
Mike: (Jar Jar Binks voice) I spake gude eenglish!
Crow: And that's one for you.
Mike: Sorry. I was out of line.
"...." Devon couldn't say anything, because he had remembered The Entity's words. But he did know about the power. He felt an ability to do things that he couldn't do before.
Mike: Like pronounce "...." for starters.
" I felt a power surge when I came here."
Tom: (Magus voice) That could be on account of the jumper cables in your pants.
"What can you do?" Magus asked, interested in the story.
"I don't know. I haven't tried it." Devon replied.
"Whatever it is, it's very powerful, so I would like you to help me against the war with the humans. Of course, I'll help you develop this power, whatever it is." Magus said. "Now, about how you knew my name." There was no way out of it. Devon had to tell Magus the story of the game.
"You might not believe this, but I come from another planet. By coincidence, a game was created that was the world history of this planet. I've beaten it, so I know everything about this planet.That game kept this world in line. Once it broke, This world's history goofed up, and a warp opened so me and two of my friends could fix it. The warp probably gave these powers to help me." Devon told him.
Crow: (Church Chat Lady voice) How conveeeeeenient.
Mike: Well, the Entity's instructions for him not to tell anyone lasted what? Half a chapter?
Tom: If that.
"Hmmm....Quite interesting....." Magus admitted. He seemed like he was in a trance, staring at Devon. "Uhhh...right!
Mike: Presenting Magus! The illegitamite cousin of Michael Jackson!
Now to exercise your powers! Just try to do something!"
"OK, I'll try." Devon held out his hands and closed his eyes. Magus' stone chair floated into the air, with him on it.
"HEY!" Magus yelled. Suddenly the chair turned into sand, leaving magus floating in the air. "Good for a first try. But you have to focus it on something, not just try to do something to objects all around you. Try to focus it on that wall." Magus pointed to a solid stone wall.
Tom: Yes. Everyone knows it's much harder to hit a whole wall than a single chair.
"OK." Devon couldn't believe it. Magus, his favorite character in CT, was helping him develop a skill. It wasn't magic, something like...Telekinesis. His body surged with excitement.
Crow: Hoo hoo...! That's not good!
The wall exploded.
Crow: Let's hope it was ONLY the wall.
Mike: That's two for you now.
"Hmmm.... OK, I guess...but I have to train you to use this power to a more fuller extent. To make magic more powerful, it depends on your physical state, but this isn't magic,
Mike: (Magus voice) So what I just said doesn't mean crap.
it's like..." Magus wondered.
"...Telekinesis, maybe?" Devon asked. "That depends on the emotion going through you. If your'e sad, you use dark attacks. If you're angry, you fire-like attacks. I was excited by seeing you,
All: Aaaaaaauuuuuuuggggggghhhhhhh!!!!!
so I used a blitz-type attack."
"And how do you know all this?" Magus asked suspiciously.
"So sue me. I read it in one of those people magazines." Devon shrugged.
Crow: (Devon voice) I just loved the articles on Siegfried & Roy, and Nathan Lane!
"Oh." Magus didn't have the slightest idea what a people magazine was, but he thought it was a vast wealth of information.
"Hahaha." Devon laughed. "The Peoples mag isn't a "Vast wealth of info", it's a stupid magazine I saw lying around because the PC and snes were off limits to me!"
Mike: So the existence of the magazine depends on him NOT having a PC or Super Nintendo...
"How did you read my mind... let me guess. The Telekinesis, right?" Magus asked
"Yep."
Tom: Well, it's a good thing telekinesis automatically gives you telepathy too!
And so for the next few weeks, Magus sharpened up Devon's "Telekinesis" Skills.
Tom: Why was that in quotes?
Crow: I don't think we wanna know...
He was very skilled and knew a bundle of attacks, that were all based on the emotions going on in him. Magus warned him to control his emotions, because if they got out of hand, so did his power! He learned to control his emotions except for anger and rage. When Slash teased him about his poor physical strength, his anger got out of control and he casted Flare, toasting him.
Mike: (Slash voice) Aw, you little prankster you. Are these third degree burns, or just second?
Magus noticed this, and instead of punishing him, he noticed that aside from Telekinesis, he did have magical potential. The Telekinesis training helped open his magical ability, and Magus started training the lad magic spells. after a week he knew all of the Fire and ice spells, But lightning was his speacility. With the help of Telekinesis, he invented 2 new lightning spells. "Electricitybomb" and "Poison bolt". Electricitybomb was area bomb, but on a greater scale. Poison bolt was a long lasting electricity blast, shocking the target when it came near the caster.
Crow: So "Poison Bolt" has nothing to do with poison... This guy's just batting 1000 today.
Devon also knew some shadow, a bit of jade,
Tom: Hey, he ripped off Nanaki!
and a dash of gravity.
Mike: Combined with a pinch of centrifugal force and a bit of nuclear fusion, makes for a lovely cake...
But Devon always wanted to see Crono and his friends again. Soon he would get that chance...
Crono, Frog, and Robo ran up the steps into Magus' chamber. As they ran toward the cloaked figure, blue flames lit, stopping them for a few seconds, but they continued onward. A 4th figure was following them. He was in a red suit of robotic armor. Devon was hiding behind a pillar witnessing the whole thing.
Mike: Ah, our brave hero is hiding from the fight.
Crow: (Devon voice) I've got a whole stack of "People" magazines back here!
The 4 figures attacked Magus. "Looks like Zero from mega man."
Tom: Whoah! Zero managed to go back in time thirty years and meet Rock, the original Mega Man?!
Mike: Uh... I think he meant Mega Man X. He's probably in the 90% of the population that doesn't know the difference. You've been gaming a bit too much lately, I think.
Devon commented on the 4th person..."4 people? There's only supposed to be 3 people!" Devon whispered to himself. Soon, Magus fell over like the game told.
Mike: (Game voice) Magus, I hereby order you to fall over! And sweep up the floor while you're down there...
The 4th person pulled off his helmet and wiped his forehead. It was Scott!!!
"Scott!!!" Devon ran out from his hiding place to see Scott, but a gigantic gate opened and sucked them all in.
All: How conveeeeeenient!
Crow: That gate isn't the only thing that sucks.
"NOOOOO!!!!!" Magus yelled
Mike: (Magus voice) Luckily, my voice projects back here from the other side of the gate I went through thirty seconds ago!
"Damnit!" Devon said. They went around and around, then it closed.
Crow: Down through the dimensional toilet...
.