Mystery Fanfic Theater 3000: Episode #101
By Nanaki
(SoL symbol, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... Mike and Crow walk into the theater. Mike sets Tom in his seat, then he and Crow sit down, looking up at the screen.)
The Sword of Zeal Part 10
The Path to the New Ocean Palace
By The Spy
Mike: "The New Ocean Palace?" Come on! Puff Daddy could come up with something more original than that!
The tower Devon and Icy stood before was gigantic. It had at least one hundred floors. But it wasn't like one of those towers with weeds and gigantic veins sticking out of the sides
Crow: Well, now we all know what kind of "towers" HE was thinking of.
Tom: Crow, if I was a human, I would be vomiting right now. I mean, "with weeds?" Hey, you okay Mike?
Mike: (Very weak voice) Not really...
with a big skull on the top. It was more like the Shinra Bldg. It seems as if Zeal had some new "enlightened" people running the place.
Crow: I smell a crossover...
Tom: Don't worry guys, I'm getting us out of this! (Disappears under his chair.)
Mike: Huh?
Crow: Who knows.
"So, what should we do?" Icy almost didn't hear him, because he was looking at all of the things around him.
Mike: (Icy Brian voice) Daaah... pretty. Ooh, shiny!
"Uh... Wha?"
"Should we go in the front door, or the vent over there?" Devon pointed to a vent.
"How we split up?
Mike: We go two different direction. You take language lesson from Ayla?
Crow: (Holds up his gun again) You were thinking about doing Jar Jar Binks again, weren't you?
Mike: No! I swear!
Crow: (Lowers the gun) Hmm...
Mike: You do know that gun is a prop that doesn't shoot anything, don't you?
Crow: Fine, rain on my par... Er, just spoil all my fun.
I'll take the front door, and you take the vent."
"Ok, so i'll see you at the top of the tower?"
"You got it!"
Mike: (Icy Brian voice) Then I can push him off...
Crow: (C. Montgomery Burns voice) Excellent.
Icy walked in the door and walked around like any other person in the tower. He walked up the stairs to a door with a guard posted in front of it. He casted comet level one, killing the guard.
Crow: Caving to peer pressure, Icy Brian also becomes a cold blooded murderer...
Icy searched the corpse's pockets. He found a magi-card, and a keycard that had access up to floor 78, and elevator usage. Icy entered the door, and pressed the button for floor 78. The elevator zoomed up the shaft. It stopped at 78, and Icy got out..... right in front of twenty-five mages.
"Oops." Icy closed the door and hit the floor 77 button.
Mike: Like Tom said, I'm sure glad this is a Warner Brothers cartoon now...
Tom: (Pops back up above his chair) What?
Mike: Nothing, Tom.
Tom: Okay. (Drops back behind his chair. Sounds of drilling can be heard.)
Mike: (Peering over to look) What are you doing down there?
Tom: (Sound of something breaking) Nothing!
He got out there, and walked around. 'Hmmmm.... no one on this floor.' Icy thought. Suddenly, a motion sensor machine gun turned, and started to fire at Icy. He jumped behind a crate. A flammable crate. Icy picked it up and shot it at the trigger happy sensor.
Crow: This story employs the physics of a Kirby game!
Mike: How do you shoot a crate, with no discernable type of gun?
Crow: "Discernable?" Mike, that was too high brow.
Mike: Sorry. (Several crashing sounds are heard.) Tom?
Tom: (Echoing) I'm fine! Don't come down!
It shot the crate, and the crate exploded. The flaming remains of the crate crashed into the gun, blowing it off the ceiling. Five panels slid open on the walls, and five machine guns popped out and started to fire. Icy casted flare, and blew them all to bits. He ran down the hall, wacking the drone guns off
Mike: Um...
Crow: Let that one go.
Mike: Gotcha.
the walls as he ran. He then came into an empty room, with a door at the end. Icy casted Myst, and the spell revealed about twenty red lazers making a web across the room.
Crow: Yeah, chucking a bunch of Myst CDs into a room would probably have that effect...
He crawled under and jumped over and even used the Ghastly spell to walk through some lazers.
Mike: And just what is the Ghastly spell?
Crow: It sound suspiciously like something from Pokemon.
(More loud crashing can be heard, followed by the dim sound of Servo cursing.)
Mike: Servo?
Tom: No, it's fine Mike. You guys just keep watching the story! It'll just be a couple more minutes!
Crow: Until what?
Tom: (Shouting from below) That's right!
Mike: Ooooookay.
Icy opened the door, proud of himself for eluding the lazers. Then his foot went through one last lazer in the doorway. An alarm went off.
"DAMN!" Icy yelled. A silvery person walked out. It appeared to be metal version of Icybrian. Not a robot with metal plating, just a mass of living metal molded into a figurine of Icy.
Crow: All right, it's the T-1000! C'mon man, show that fleshy blob what robots are made of! Die, human scum! No offense Mike.
Mike: Oh, none taken.
He held a small stick.
Crow: Oooooooooooh no.
out of both ends slided out metal poles, making a staff. Icy did the same. A grey beam connected the staff with Metal Icy's free hand, and Grey fire blew over the real Icy. When the fire was gone, so was Icy. Metal Icy looked around, and then looked up to see Icy fly down from the ceiling, staff first. The staff hit Metal Icy's chest and.... dented. Also, Metal Icy had a scratch on him.
"I'm never gonna win this!" Icy said to himself.
Mike: Way to believe in yourself, man.
He cast Ghastly and walked through the wall.
Crow and Mike: Wuuuuuuss, wusswusswusswuss!!
As soon as he appeared on the other side of the wall, he noticed that he was growing tired from all of the magic usage. Just then, Metal Icy busted through the wall. Icy held hid hands together and started to power up. A small red ball was growing in his hands,
Crow: (Gohan voice) Masenkaaaa...!
and then he released it on Metal Icy. As soon as the fire blew over Metal Icy, all that was left was a puddle of melted metal. Metal Icy had melted to death.
Mike: Thanks for clearing that up.
Crow: Yeah, we couldn't tell from the previous sentence.
Icy ran down the halls of Zeal palace until he came to a beam of yellow light shooting from the floor. Into the wall was carved "Into the new Ocean Palace."
Mike: Of course.
Icy thought for a moment.
'What if I die while trying to save humanity? What will happen then?'
Crow: (Krillin voice) We'll use the Dragon Balls to wish you back!
Icy paused. 'Fear. The only thing stopping me from saving everyone is fear. So many questions, but few awnsers. Little questions have been asked, but still a million to be awnsered. What will happen if I die? Where do I go?' Icy thought about everything he had ever done.
Crow: No girls in that review.
Mike: Heh, heh. Crow, that was below the belt.
Crow: Yes indeed.
Mike: What the hell is Servo doing?
Tom: (In a distorted and almost disembodied voice) Sure, toss some on down! I'm getting there!
Crow: Whatever.
Mike: (Womanly voice) As IF!
Nothing had been as dangerous as this.... Except for the time that wacko machine of his blew up......
Crow: Kind of negating the "nothing had been as dangerous as this" portion.
'Iv'e got to crush this fear! I'll take down all of Zeal if I have to! I'm gonna stand up to this fear and conquer it!' Icy smiled, hit the button to slide open his staff, and walked into the teleporter, his determination growing with every step. There was a flash, and Icy was on the way to the ocean palace.
* * *
Scott held his handless arm in pain. "Don't worry, pal!" Rich comforted him. "I'll fix you
Crow and Mike: Yeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!
Crow: This is going to be the coolest scene in the entire story!
up!"
Crow: Damn.
Rich ran off, down the halls of the palace. Everybody followed, accept for Jeff, Arielle, and Scott.
"Arielle..." Scott called.
"Yea?"
"Do you...love Devon?"
Mike: (Arielle voice) I thought YOU loved Devon!
"Of course not! Whatever gave you that idea?"
"Well, David put Devon in an illusion that made him think you love him, and he got really confused."
Mike: (Arielle voice) He gets confused while he's putting on his socks.
"Make sure you tell him this... We are only friends!"
Crow and Mike: Yeeeeesss!!
Mike: Hey, over here! Huh? Huh? Come on!
Crow: You know you want me baby!
"And besides," Jeff added "Our Dad dosen't like Arielle dating, even if she is fourteen!"
Crow: (Jeff voice) He wants to keep her for himself.
Mike: Crow, no. That's too dark.
Crow: (Marilyn Manson voice) Welcome to the dark side! (Mike smacks him) Ow! Okay, okay.
"Shut up, Jeff!" Arielle yelled.
"Here we go!" Rich came back with a bucket of melted metal. It seemed to glow. "I found this stuff lying in a room not far from here. Also, there was a big hole in the wall! Seems like a battle took place there. Anyway, this stuff looks magical, so i'll build a new hand."
(Mike and Crow both slap themselves on the head.)
Crow and Mike: Of course.
Later.....
"Here it is! It's all finished!" Rich revealed a glowing metal hand, that had a small camera mounted on the index finger.
Mike: Oh, that's not gonna be good for anybody.
Rich put the hand in the empty socket. Scott screamed in pain. There was a flash, and Scott could move the fingers of his new hand, even though the hand didn't have joints. The metal was from Metal Icy's body.
Crow: Hey, how come HE gets a Holmcross hand and I don't? Huh, Mike?
Mike: Possibly because Holmcross doesn't EXIST!!
Crow: Oh yeah. Good point.
"Ok, i feel great! Let's go kick some Zealian ASS!" Scott got up. Everyone pulled out their weapons, accept for Arielle and Jeff, becauce they didn't have any weapons to begin with. The group made it to the armoury, meeting at least twenty guards along the way.
Mike: (Guard voice) Hi! Kill us!
They each had two or three magi-cards, and after figureing out what they are, they divided them evenly among themselves (Scott didn't want or need any.). At the armoury, there were plenty of weapons, and these were the said to be the best you could obtain on earth.
Crow and Mike: (Nodding at each other) How conveeeeeeenient!!
Crow: I wish Tom would get back. We're running on fumes here.
Scott kept his lghtsabre, and Rich founded a sword with all the capabilities of his, plus a hookshot. Crono kept his rainbow. Magus found a neat scythe. The wielder could change the blade into any substance just by thinking about it!
Crow: It promptly turned into a naked woman!
Mike: (Magus voice) Aw, crap. You guys didn't see that, all right?
Schala kept her ruby knife. Jeff took a pair of dragon claws, similar to Sabin's. Arielle looked around, and saw a shining gun. She picked it up, and read the name carved into the side. "Wonder shot!"
Crow: Boy, when they didn't need Lucca anymore, they dropped her faster than a fat cow pushed out of a helicopter.
Mike: Looks that way.
The team walked out, through the halls of Zeal palace. They came to a dead end, only with a closed titanium door blocking the way.
"How do we get through?" Arielle asked, looking at the gigantic door.
"I think i can guess!" Scott pointed to a snes controller hanging out of the wall to the left of it.
Mike: You gotta be kidding me. You really, really gotta be kidding me.
Crow: Afraid not.
There was writing on it. it said. "ZABIE" Scott hit XABY on the controller, and the door opened. The team continued to a teleporter that led to the new Ocean palace. They all jumped in, and were on thier way to the final confrontation. (Or the final chapter. I don't know yet.)
Mike: You don't know anything!
(Suddenly, Servo rockets up from the floor, bonks his head on the ceiling, and falls back to his chair.)
Tom: Come on guys, we're busting out of here! I dug a tunnel to the bridge!
Mike: So that's what you've been doing!
Tom: Yeah, and we're not gonna read any more of this story either!
Crow: Are you serious?
Tom: Come on, follow me!
(They all disappear into the floor. Cambot backs out of the theater the traditional way. As he arrives on the bridge, Tom, Mike, and Crow climb up through the floor panels. Tom is holding a torch.)
Mike: Wow, Tom! This is great! But how long can we stay out here?
Tom: Oh, I'd say as long as we want to, my friend. (He laughs evilly.)
Crow: Hey Servo, where'd you get that torch?
Tom: Heheheh. Oh, Gypsey found this around the rest of the debris that Dr. F... "encouraged" you to take with you.
Mike: Is that...?
Tom: Yes! It's the rest of the story! We don't have to read it! Haaaaahahahahahaha!!! (Suddenly, the red light on the bridge begins flashing.)
Mike: Uh oh. Robotnik and Snively are calling...
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