Mystery Fanfic Theater 3000: Episode #101
(SoL symbol, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... Mike and Crow walk into the theater. Mike sets Tom in his seat, then he and Crow sit down, looking up at the screen.)
The Sword of Zeal Part 6
By The Spy
Tom: What in...?
Mike: Guys, welcome to Hell.
Hello all of you people out there reading my story!
Crow: (Singing) Hellooooooo...
Mike: (Singing higher) Hellooooooo...
Tom: (Singing highest) Hellooooooo...
I am here to clear up some mysteries of my story and give you a sneak peek at the upcoming chapters, as well as other junk. Uh... it costs 20 $ to read this.
Crow: (Jumping up) I got your 20 bucks right here pal!! (Obscene gesture)
Mike: (Grabs his shoulder) Sit down.
Skeet: TWENTY BUCKS????? THIS IS A BIG RIP-OFF!!!
The Spy: This is my good friend, Skeet. Say hi, Skeet.
Skeet: WHERE'S MY TWENTY &^$%@# DOLLARS????
Crow: I think I'm gonna like this Skeet guy.
Tom: Unless he always talks IN ALL CAPS.
The Spy: Shut up! "Nails him with a frying pan"
Crow: The Spy is Yang's wife!
Tom: No, she could do better than this...
Now, onto the explanations. Travis, do you have the question?
Tom: Now where did this Travis guy come from?
Crow: I guess The Spy just has anonymous guys up the wazoo.
Mike: Aw... Crow, that's about the worst way you could have put it.
Travis: Why is the name of the story "The sword of zeal"?
The Spy: Well, one of the main aspects of this story is choices, and the very first choice was to choose which sword of zeal to grab, and that would mean your fate. Crono obviously chose wrong, because he had to time travel, and go to..... uh, can't say, it would give away the plot.
Mike: So Crono's dad was the King of Zeal all along, and he travelled through time and set up an elaborate series of events which made absolutely no sense, because why?
Tom: So he could have a fling with Crono's mom, apparently.
Crow: This guy is like Zeus!
Skeet: Crono goes to hell.
The Spy: No he doesn't!
Travis:Why did the dragon tank spare Crono?
Crow: Because the author, who apparently has a selective attention span, forgot it was there.
The Spy: It didn't, it ran off to tell the chancellor that someone is knocked out in a cell, and Crono escaped while it was gone.
Mike: C'mon, I could have come up with something much better than that! How about, "It's visual acuity is based on movement. It didn't see Crono once he stopped moving." I mean, come on! If he can rip off Nanaki, he can rip off some stuff that would make his story better!
Tom: Apparently, he can't.
Travis: Is your name Devon, because in the story, he is The Spy.
The Spy: No, I just gave him my name.
Travis: That authors note of yours.... why is it there in the FIRST CHAPTER!!! Telling people to send in ideas? Do you really suck at plot development?
The Spy: No,
I put that in the wrong place. It was supposed to go in chapter three, but I got another idea after I placed it in chapter three, and it was too late to scrap it.
Skeet :He really sucks at plot development.
Crow: I had a feeling Skeet would turn out to be cool.
The Spy: Would you shut up?
Travis: Why did the Chrono Trigger game pack pulsate?
Tom: (Spy voice) You don't wanna know.
The Spy: It tells you, you idiot! The lightning altered the game. Later the energy was released to create a gate.
Tom: This guy must know Paul Nathans.
Mike: What a dullard.
Travis :How did rich survive the blast from Nizbel?
The Spy: He used a pocket sized hologram cube.
Tom: Oh, of course.
Mike: Don't feel obligated to explain what it does, or anything.
Travis: Bits and pieces are told about the new characters past. What do these pieces of information have to do with the story?
Crow: That's called "character development," though it's obvious no one in this crew knows much about it...
The Spy:Well, it starts out that Chris was bort with the ability to control peoples emotions. He could never control Devon's. He built a fort out of wood, and got people to guard it. From there, he harassed local kids, and because of his skill, escaped the local law enforcement.
Mike: Yeah, a wooden fort is easy to conceal from the police.
Devon and his best buddy, David, snuck in the base and planted timed stink bombs to smoke the place out. David got caught and was held at gunpoint by Chris. Devon needed to buy time, and changed the six minute timer to two. A bomb backfired, setting the place on fire. Everyone got out, except for David, and now the left side of his face is all burnt, with veins bulging out. He joined Chris, hoping to satisfy his thirst for revenge. Chris got the town to try and murder Devon,
All: Heil Chritler!
and his new allies, Scott and Rich, and thought they succeeded, but the trio came back. Later on, he went to Mexico, on vacation, where his father was murdered. There was a circle, with the perimeter lined out in black sand that never moved. inside it, there was no settlements or plants. Devon explored it, and saw two clones of his dad. He chose the wrong one, and never saw his father since. And a lightning bolt hit the CT game, storing power. it was released when the game smashed (puff) and opened a gate to the CT world. David and Chris also went to the CT world, and became the fourth and fifth gurus.
Mike: Of course.
Now, if you piece all of this together, only one thing is out of place. The black circle in Mexico! That is where...uh...secret.
Crow: Well that helped... not at all.
Tom: I'm gonna bet that Crono's dad is Devon's dad too.
Mike: He IS Zeus!
Skeet: Long enough.
Tom: I sure hope he's talking about the explanation...
Travis: How come Crono's dad is still alive and is married to Zeal?
The Spy: When he was going to be executed, a gate opened up, pulling him into 12000 bc.
Crow: Mike, please?
Mike: All right, we'll all do it.
All: How conveeeeeeenient!!
There he learned about Lavos, magic, and became greedy for power. He then seduced Zeal. A fake skeleton was in the jail cell.
Crow: (Mysterious Teletubby voice) Again!
All: How conveeeeeeenient!!
Mike: Okay, that's enough.
Skeet: now, my 20 $ please?
The Spy: "hands over twenty dollars." I keep the tax!
Mike: There must be an idiot tax.
The Spy: Now, I would like to apologize to Key Mima. My parts one and two are very similar to hers. BUT it was an accident. I wrote my story, and several people told me that I copied off her. Then I read her story, and did notice the similarity. I e-mailed her about this, and she said to prevent this from going on, she told me a basic outline of her plot, and now my story is very different. (I will NOT tell you what happens in her story.)
Skeet (Key Mima voice): No!!! I do not forgive you!!!!
Tom: Okay, now he's impersonating COOL people. I say we kill him.
Crow: If we get the chance (waves his gun around).
The Spy: Shut up.
Mike: Practice what you preach, buddy.
A large portal opens up, and Crono falls out.
Crono: Where the hell am I?
Crow: Man, you just answered your own question.
The Spy: You are in the Netscape navigator, a space cruiser. But, I do not know where the Netscape navigator is in space, sorry.
Mike: Okay, Netscape is a cool browser, but is it really cool enough to get FANS?
Tom: Mike, I think you've forgotten who we're talking about.
Another portal opens up, and Cloud falls out.
Cloud: (Holds his sword to The Spy's neck.) WHERE THE HELL AM I????? I"M SUPPOSED TO BE KICKING SEPHIROTH'S ASS!!!
All: Yeah!! Kill him!!!
Skeet casts black hole and Crono and Cloud are pulled back to their games.
Skeet: Now that that disturbance is gone, we can get back to...
Another gate opens up and Setzer and Cecil falls into the Netscape navigator.
Tom: Yeah! Cecil is the biggest bad ass ever! He'll take care of things!
Mike: Well he kind of has to be, with a name like "Cecil."
Setzer: Tell me where I am.
The Spy: How ya gonna make me? (Setzer holds up an ace.) Haha! A card!!!! (Blades slide out of the card) Oops.
All: (Chanting) Kill him! Kill him!
Cecil: Could you tell me where I (Black hole sucks him and Setzer in) Ammmmmmmmm.......
Skeet: Seems as if all of the videogames link to the Netscape navigator. We should cut the warp power.
The Spy: What the hell is that?
Skeet: I dunno, the writer wanted to prolong the story, and paid me fifty bucks to help.
Narrator: Hey!!!!! You weren't supposed to say that!!!!!
The Spy: Hey chill out!
Narrator: You shut up!
The Spy: hey calm down...
Narrator: Do you know that you are arguing with yourself?
The Spy: Down to business! I would like to tell you that Icybrian shall be appearing in my story!
Tom: Good God no!!
Crow: He's already ruined Nanaki's good name, now he has to soil Icy too?
Yes he will also help in the final battle. And I did get his permission, so don't bug me or him about it.
Icybrian: I didn't give you permission to do that!!!! (The Spy pulls off the mask)
The Spy: Shut up Skeet.
The spy: Now, without further adieau....uh...further adiu....uh....further waiting time, I bring you the next chapter!!!
Mike: Don't hurry on our account. Adieu all you want.
Crow: It would be much adieu about nothing.
Tom: And that would be different from the story how?
Crow: Good point.
Go To Chapter 7
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