Mystery Fanfic Theater 3000: Episode #101

By Nanaki

The Sword of Zeal Part 7

The Ocean Palace, And Beyond...

By The Spy

12,000 b.c., Ocean palace.

Tom: Well, The Spy is taking a shot at the very best part of the game.

Crow: This is going to be pretty painful...

Devon saw a flash of colours, then he was standing in a blue, glowing circle. He quickly stepped out of it, and noticed he was in a room, with a metal bridge leading to the door. Under the bridge was a red glowing substance.

"Devon! Where's Rich?" Crono asked.

"He...wanted me to take his place." Devon replied. "What is that red stuff?"

Crow: Ketchup. DEADLY ketchup.

"I think it's lava!" Crono replied.

"No, scanners indicate that it is just air, but camaflouged, i bet." Scott stated, matter-of-factly.

Mike: Camouflaged air. Ooooookay.

"Let's go! let's see what's under there!" Crono stepped into the liquid-gas, but nothing happend. Rich stepped in too, but he just stood there. Then Devon stepped in.... and he fell through, into a hidden room. Crono stepped in the place Devon had went through, but stood there, like there wasn't a hole.

Crow: Yes! They put Devon in "The Hole!!"

They walked up to Mune, to push thier way into the palace, but he quickly disappeared after saying,

"The black energy grows... Something scary is waking up!"

Tom: Mike's mom.

Mike: Yeah... Hey!!


Meanwhile in the mammon chamber, in the heart of the palace... "Schala, raise the power of the Mammon Machine to its limit!" Zeal said. Schala looked down.


Crow: We've gotta take some lessons in RPG speak.

"Schala! You dare to disobey me?!"

"All right, mother..." Schala raised her hands and the room turned red. Looking in excitement were 6 important Zeal people.

Tom: The master of articulation strikes again.

In there was also the Prophet.

"Oh.. what bright splendor! The incredible power of Lavos!" Queen exclaimed.

Tom: (Queen voice, singing) Let me goooo!

Mike and Crow: (Singing) We will not let you goooo!

Schala collapsed.


The Prophet turned to her, but didn't say anything. "..." David also turned towards Schala. Chris' eyes were bigger that watermelons.

Crow: That's just GOTTA hurt.

Mike: Maybe they'll explode pretty soon.

He was staring at the Mammon machine.

Devon opened his eyes, he was standing in a forested area. he saw a big door in a tree trunk, and ran up to it. then, bars slid down, blocking the door.

Mike: The Keebler elves have the most advanced security system in the world...

Tom: (Surprisingly deep Keebler elf voice) Cross this door, and you're in for a serving of E.L. DEATH.

"Leaving so soon?" a voice said. Devon whirled around, charging up magic. He saw no one. Then something moved. He looked at his shadow. It was moving, and he was not! It then pulled itself off the ground. "Surprised?" He asked. "No, no, wait. The brave and mighty Devon can't be afaraid of me!"

Mike: I don't know. If I saw someone with "vans" coming out of his head, I'd be careful too.

"Shut up." Devon said. "Who the hell are you?"

"I am....well, let's leave it saying i am the entity."

"You were the one who gave me a chance to have my father back?"

Tom: He really expects us to believe that it's NOT David?

"Ha!" He chuckled to himself. "Idiot! Do you only thing that there is only ONE entity? I am

Crow: (Entity voice) Jeff, the Entity of biscuits!

the evil entity, Amon. I am the one who killed your father! I knew that that other good entity, Eiros, would send you to aid the hero of time's quest! He gave you your powers! He opened the sealed portal! He told you that this was a test of your skill! He..." But Devon had enough. He shot a jade dagger, that hit Amon's arm. He healed himself.

"Why are you here in an exact replica of my body? Don't you have other forms that are much more powerful that my tattered body?" Devon quoted from Chrono Trigger.

Tom: No one ever said that!

"Actually, no. In your dimension, you have certain abilities. In this world, you lost those powers, but gained telekenisis and magic. In one of these two forms, you are strong. I am you, because i know how to make use of the powers from both worlds. In reality, you are actually more powerful that i'll ever be. But enough chat.

Tom: (Piccollo voice) Enough small talk. Let's get to it.

I'm gonna enjoy slaughtering you!" He held out his hands, and cast lightning level three. Devon was a bit stunned, but managed to cast comet level one."

Tom: You know, Dragon Ball Z power levels are bad enough, but at least they have no actual bearing on the fight. This really sucks.

Amon held out his hand, caught the comet coming towards him, and flung it back at Devon. He jumped, and the comet burnt a tree in the distance. Devon shot a jade wave out of his hands, the recoil of the spell flinging him back to a tree trunk.

Crow: Ah, it's the "Noisy Cricket."

It hit Amon, and he slwoly desinitegrated, laughing all the way.

All: (Singing) Disintegrating we go, laughing all the way! Ha! Ha! Ha!

"I have more important things to do than to play with you." His voice echoed through out the he left, it turned back into the familiar steel walls of the ocean palace. Devon opened the door, and ran down a hall.

Through the halls of the Ocean Palace, Crono and Scott ran towards the heart of the palace.

Mike: (Crono voice) Uh, are you sure we shouldn't look for your friend?

Tom: (Scott voice) No, he's fine. Or he's dead. Just keep moving.

"Halt!" The guards shouted, but Crono and Scott only ignored them.

"This way!" Crono ran down some stairs. After an extra long staircase, they came into a big room. Four blackbird guards were waiting for them.

Mike: Considering that the Blackbird hasn't even been mentioned yet in the story... Ah, forget it.

Tom: I think that's for the best, honey.

"Sorry, but you won't get any further!" Crono drew his sword.

"Are ya sure?" Scott switched to hyper crush, and shot a wave of energy at two of them, killing them. Crono used lightning level two on the remaining ones, killing them, too. They continued on...

Devon met a mage. "And where are you going?" The mage created four fire balls over his head and launched each of them at Devon.

Crow: What the hell? When did he get back?

Tom: Crow, don't give in! Ignore that! Just think about "fire balls."

Crow: Yeah... Heh, heh.

Two missed. Devon ran as fast as he could, and gave him a speedy uppercut."Physical won't work!" The mage laughed. Devon responded by casting fire level two. The Mage was reduced to ash.

Tom: (Ash voice) Go, Pikachu!

Mike and Crow: NOOOOOOOO!!!

Then he met met Masa guarding a door.

"The ancient Red Rock has been passed down through the ages. From it, a magic pendant, and a knife were made. We embody Melchior's dreams, sealed, within the knife... Now hurry, if you plan to confront the queen. We're counting on you!" he said. Then he jumped up, spun around, and disappeared.

Mike: (Masa voice, groaning) Nope, I fell off the stairs. Ow...

Meanwhile in the mammon room, in the core of the palace. "Ahh, I can feel it! The pulse of eternal life!!! Ha,ha,ha...!" Zeal said. Schala fell to her knees.

"D...dark.. force...wild energy! Aughhh!"

Tom: (King Kai voice) Frieza!!

She collapsed. The Prophet turned to her.

"......!!" David also turned.

Tom: Oh look, he's excited about his trailing off.

"...."A servant walked forward.

"Th, the Mammon Machine! Your majesty, it's too dangerous!" Zeal fired a lightning bolt,

Mike: The lightning bolts' union isn't going to be happy about this.

who threw the servant backwards.

"Mother..!" Schala exclaimed.

"Don't stop Schala! We're almost there... Immortality will be ours! Zeal will have the glory it deserves Mwa,ha,ha.... Too long have I waited!" Chris watched the ripples of energy fly out of the mammon machine. He saw it with his eyes.

Crow: As opposed to his butt.

People could see it in his eyes. Chris was Lavos' slave now, just like Zeal.

Tom: And absolutely no one cares.

"What IS this thing?" Crono exclaimed.

"It looks like an elevator." Scott answered. They had ended up in a cylinder former room, on a platform, high above the ground.

"All we have to do is push this button." Scott said. He pressed one button. The elevator started to move down. About halfway through the ride, six guards flew in. Crono slashed one, but it was tough and didn't croak.

Tom: (Warner Brothers Frog voice) Hello my darlin', hello my honey, hello my baby dooooooll!

Devon ran down a stairwell, and a glass wall was on one side of it. He stopped to catch his breath. He noticed that a elevator went down the walls in the room beyond the glass. Crono and Scott were on it, fighting six guards.

Mike: I thought he was WITH Crono!!

Crow: Mike!

Mike: I mean... Devon's gay.

Crow: Better.

Devon hurried down the stairwell, just barely staying with the elevator. A guard had a bundle of electricity built up, and was about to bomb Crono's head with it. Devon blasted it with a pearl spell. Crono looked around to see who had saved him, and noticed Devon running his fastest down the stairwell. He stopped to catch his breath, and soon Crono lost sight of him.

Mike: (Devon voice, breathing heavily) Whew... If I can just keep it to... one heart attack per floor...

Devon continued down the stairwell. A large robot stopped him.

"Password?" It asked.

"Uh.." Devon thought of something quick."Zeal is the greatest."

"You may pass."

Mike: Now see, any true computer geek would have had the password be "password."

The robot let Devon through. Devon then turned around and stabbed through it with a sword made out of ice.

Tom: Murderer! Robot butcherer!!

Mike: And our brave hero stabs an innocent bystander in the back.

Devon continued down the stairs. He opened the door and revealed a mess of wires. Devon slashed some of them with his sword, to clear a path through. He looked in a hole in the ground. The mammon machine was right under him, and Zeal was in front of it. The prophet, Schala, Chris, David, six zealain cavilians, Crono, and Scott were there.

"Where is that knife?" Crono searched for it.

"Devon has it." Scott replied. Devon pulled out the knife. He did have it! Devon jumped through the hole and landed on the mammon machine, knife first. Electric bolts flew from it, upgrading it to the Masamune. The Queen turned to the machine.

"Th, the Mammon Machine!?" A red glow surrounded it.

"It's coming..!"

All: Aaaaaaaauuuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

the Prophet said.

"N, no stop!" Schala said. "The sword alone can't stop it!" Suddenly, with a white flash, Crono, Scott, and Devon found themselves face to face with Lavos. The environment had changed. From Ocean walls to some blue wavy color. Then, lazers flew from the spikes from Lavos' shell, knocking everyone down.

"It's's like destruction is raining from the heavens..."

Mike: The master of originality strikes again.

Crow: He's just the master of everything today, isn't he?

Mike: It sure looks that way.

Scott then passed out.

Tom: (A very womanly and southern Scott voice) Oh my! I seem to have the vapors!

Lavos roared in triumph, but stopped when the prophet appeared.

"I've waited for this..." he said. With a fast handmove, he threw off his cape and showed his real identity.

Tom: I'm trying so hard not to take that out of context...


"I've been waiting for you, Lavos. I swore long time ago... That I'd destroy you! No matter what the price! It is time to fulfill that vow. Feel my wrath, Lavos!" Then, Zeal and Schala came

All: Oh yeeeaaahhhh!!!

into the room.

All: Crud.

"What do you think you can do?" Zeal said. "Hmph! A false Prophet... You'll be a snack for the great Lavos!" Schala moved in her way.

"Mother, please stop! This power can only end in ruin!"

"Get away from there, Schala! The almighty life force of Lavos lives in all of us... You are a part of it! You cannot change fate now! Oppose me, and I will destroy you also!" She shot a bolt spell at her daughter, forcing her to the ground.

"Heeelp..." Schala said with a weak voice.The Queen jumped up on Lavos and turned to Magus.

"Come Prophet, feel the power of Lavos!" Lavos opened his beak, and flashes surrounded Magus.

Tom: Boomerang Flashes?

Mike: No.

They forced him down on his knees. Magus tried to get up.

"Ungh! Aaah! My powers are being drained! Unghh.... I won't... be beaten! I survived the darkness to defeat you, Lavos!" Magus rose."Take this, Lavos!" Magus floated forward and attacked the beak with a magic rod.

Crow: If that's what they're calling it these days...

Lavos shell turned blue for a little moment, but got back it's original color after just a second. "Wh, what..? It doesn't work?! Aaughhh!!" He was about to fall, when Devon, the only consious one of the three rebels, caught him. "Devon?" He was amazed. Magus rushed forward to try again, but got thrown back. Devon walked up to the beak. He laughed a bit.

All: Yes!! He's gonna die!!!

"Pathetic wimp!" Devon chuckled at Lavos. "Let's see if you can beat me." Lavos screamed, and shot out a beam that would easily kill someone, but Devon sat there, waiting for it to hit him.

"Devon....."Magus whispered.

"What is he doing?" David asked.

"When the beam hits, it will amplify his powers before it kills him. He is going to use this power to open a portal and suck himself and Lavos in it."

All: (Singing joyfully) He's gonna die! He's gonna die! He's gonna dieeeeee!!

Magus replied shakily. The beam hit Devon. He screamed in pain, and just before he turned to dust, he created a gigantic gate, drawing lavos in it. Following him was Zeal, Crono's dad,

Tom: Crow, I believe you owe me $300,000.00.

Crow: Wait a second, I thought I was the one betting that he WOULD show up again!

Mike: We'll settle this later...

David, Chris, Crono, Scott, and Schala. Then a split second later, the ocean palace filled up with water and imploded.

* * *

Amon: (Laughs) Idiots! This only brings me closer to my goal.

Eiros: Why do you have to cause destruction all the time?

Mike: (Amon voice) Didn't you read the Entity handbook? We're all one dimensional characters! We can't do anything but what our job description says!

Amon: Because it is in my code. I am the Entity of Death, after all.

Crow: When the story starts agreeing with us, I start to worry.

Eiros: And I am here to stop you, because my code permits me to. I am the Entity of life.

Amon: True that your code says to stop all evil. True that you are here to stop me. But do you have the other three entities backing up your cause? No, I do.

Tom: (Amon voice) I got my homies backin' me up.

Eiros: Is this true, Morged?

Morged: Yes, I am not The Entity of Goodness, now I am the Entity of Chaos.

Crow: (Hexidecimal voice) We'll see about that!

Erim is now the Entity of Destruction, and D.R. is the Entity of terror.

Eiros: Why? Why have you chosen the evil path?

D.R.: Power. You see, If we managed to destroy all of those who are brave enough to stand up against us, we

Tom: (D.R. voice) Can fulfill our dream of starting our own garage band!

would eventually conquer everything.

Eiros: Now, you are going to kill me....

Crow: We can only hope.

Mike: Argh... This story is really wearing us down. Time for a break... I hope.

(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, SoL symbol)

(Mike walks onto the scene to see Tom and Gypsey standing in silence as Crow begins to dive down the umbilicus.)

Mike: Do I even want to know?

Tom: Yes, actually. Crow decided to personally investigate Dr. Forrester's use of peyote in our food.

Mike: Oh come on! You don't seriously think he'd do that, do you?

Tom: Couldn't hurt to check, Mike.

Mike: I guess you're right...

Gypsey: Crow has landed in Deep 13.

Tom: Oh, Crow? Can you hear us?

(Crow is visible, prowling stealthily through Deep 13. A flashlight is taped to his head.)

Crow: This is the Golden Eagle, reporting in. I am commencing my search of the premesis for data on our food supply. (Crow begins flipping through a beat up filing cabinet. Papers go flying behind him.) Uh huh... I see... Yep...

Mike: Crow, what did you find?

Crow: Well, apparently, Dr. F has liberally been lacing all our meals with various hallucinogens.

Tom: Ah ha! I knew it!

Crow: Dr. F has ALWAYS laced our meals with various hallucinogens.

Tom: What the...?

Mike: That would explain the frequent "Nelstone" comments from the Mads...

Tom: So this means that, our food has nothing at all to do with how bad this story is?

Crow: That's right, yeah. (Crow just stands there.)

Mike: Uh, Crow? Shouldn't you be getting out of there?

Crow: Well, you'd think so, wouldn't you? (Behind Crow, Dr. Forrester sneaks up, holding a mallet. He begins to swing the mallet down, and Cambot cuts back to the SoL bridge. Crow's voice can still be heard.) Ooooooowww!!! Oh, for the love of God! Oh, the pain! Augh! Ow!!

Mike: Well... we should...

Tom: The theater, yeah...

(Suddenly, Crow comes flying out of the umbilicus, in several pieces. Next, every light starts flashing, and the bridge begins to vibrate.)

Tom: Fix him up, will you Gyps? We've got story sign!!


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