Mystery Fanfic Theater 3000: Episode #102

By Nanaki

(SoL symbol, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... Mike and Crow walk into the theater. Mike sets Tom in his seat, then he and Crow sit down, looking up at the screen.)

Chrono Trigger: The Lost Force Chapter 5

The Master of Power

By Dragoon Taryn

The End of Time

"Will he be all right Spekkio?" Marle asked Spekkio as he laid Glenn

Tom: In front of a French chef.

Crow: (Woody Allen voice) Frenchie eats frog legs!

Mike: Wait a second... Didn't the author just refer to Marle as a "he?"

All: Eeeeeeeewwwwww!!!

on a cot.

"Well, he took a hard hit, and his wound was open for quite a while. But he should pull through," Spekkio replied.

Mike: (Spekkio voice) We'll just have to amputate his gangrenous torso.

"Thank goodness," Marle sighed.

The others were in the main room, trying to devise a plan to defeat Zovak.

Crow: (Magus voice) Now, I bet if we run him over gravel, he'll clog up...

"He said that I was the one with the most powerful energy. Do you think he was right?" Magus wondered.

Mike: (Glenn voice) If by "energy" he meant "unwashed goth vibe," then yes.

"Who knows? I mean, he hasn’t actually seen who has the power, has he?" Lucca inquired.

Tom: (Krillin voice) Now it is I who has power!

"As far as we know, he hasn’t. He said, ‘There is one person I cannot find, and they have the most powerful

Crow: (Taryn voice) Staff.

energy ever, even more powerful than all my combined power.’ I wonder why he hasn’t found this person?" Taryn added.

Tom: (Lucca voice) Because he's a complete wanker.

"This person’s power far exceeds Zovak’s own power, which makes it difficult for him to find him, or her," Gaspar informed them.

"Too bad we can’t find out what his background is," Crono said.

Crow: Basic clouds, with the Windows flag screen saver.

Tom: But in the last chapter, didn't Zovak say-

Mike: Tom, it's not worth your time.

"Yeah, but we don’t even know what year he’s from," Taryn agreed.

"Don’t you know what year Zovak is from, Gaspar?" Magus asked.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I do," Gaspar replied.

"You do? Then

Tom: (Lucca voice) why the flying f@&! didn't you tell us?!

where is he from?" Lucca demanded.

Gaspar cleared his throat. "Zovak is from the Dark Age, or 12,000 B.C. He is also Dalton’s older brother."

All: Oooooooooh, crap.

Crow: It's the older brother of that huge ASS who gave us such a hard time in the last story!

* * * * *


"Well brother, you still haven’t found the person with this so-called ‘powerful energy’.

Tom: Why is powerful energy in quotes...?

Mike: I really don't think we want to know...

Exactly when do you plan to find him?" Dalton asked Zovak.

"I don’t see you making any effort to help," Zovak retorted.

Dalton laughed. "That’s because I didn’t brag about been all-powerful for countless years."

Mike: (Zovak voice) Yeah, you took over a kingdom that no longer existed. Go you.

"Well, that’s because I am all-powerful. This latest mission is just a small setback," Zovak told Dalton, his voice filled with confidence.

"Yeah right. Anyway, while your finding this all-powerful person, I’m going to seek revenge on those good-for-nothing, meddling brats,"

Tom: I would have gotten away with it, if not for those meddling kids!

Mike: (Scooby Doo voice) Rooby Rooby Roo!!

Dalton said, his voice raising. He hated those kids. They wrecked Zeal’s plans to become immortal by destroying Lavos, and Dalton was determined to make them pay.

"Ah, the good old revenge game. And exactly what did these kids do to you? Steal your lunch money?" Zovak taunted.

Crow: (Bart Simpson voice) Why isn't my mom stopping them?

Mike: (Jimbo voice) We've created a diversion.

Tom: (Marge Simpson voice) So Kearney, isn't dancing a jig more fun than bullying?

Mike: (Kearney voice) Huh-yeah.

"No. As a matter of fact, they ruined my big chance to become immortal," Dalton told him, getting angry at the thought all over again.

"A bunch of kids ruined your chance at immortality? Ha, I didn’t have to worry about kids getting in my way," Zovak boasted as he pulled out his staff.


"Oh right, your beloved staff.


I can’t even begin to think how powerless you’d be without it."

Tom: (John Bobbit voice) Brother, you ain't kidding.

Zovak grunted. "That’s never going to happen." He put his staff away.

Crow: Thank God.

"Now, on to more practical matters. Exactly what do you want me to do to help you?"

"I want you to help me

Mike: (Dalton voice) Move. See, I'd ask Ertai, but he has this thing about trying to kill me...

destroy those stupid kids!" Dalton shouted.

Zovak chuckled. "You want me to kill a bunch of kids? Forget it brother, I’m going to find that wizard, Magus."

Dalton’s ears perked up. "Magus did you say? That’s that phony Prophet,

Tom: (Dalton voice) He ties up the phone all the time with that blasted 14.4 modem!

the one that is friends with those kids."

"Really? Well then, maybe I can help you after all. First, we shall eliminate these ‘stupid, meddling kids’, then we shall steal this Magus’ power," Zovak told Dalton.

"And I shall finally become immortal!" Dalton clapped his hands with glee.

"Yes, I suppose you could have a small amount of power, at least enough to become immortal," Zovak said thoughtfully.

"Great plan brother. Now, where do we begin?" Dalton asked with an evil smile.

Crow: (Zovak voice) We're going to need some more staves.

* * * * *

The End of Time

Marle sighed. It seemed like Glenn wouldn’t pull though for some time. The others were sitting around, trying to find out how to find and defeat Zovak.

Mike: Trying to find out how to find. Wow, they're really going all out.

"I say that we bust into his secret hideout and take that sucker out, Jean Claude VanDamme style," Taryn suggested.

Tom: (Crono voice) With an indecipherable foreign accent?

"Who’s Jean Claude VanDamme?" Crono asked.

Taryn froze and turned to face Crono. "You don’t know who Jean Claude VanDamme is? Street Fighter? Universal Soldier 1 and 2?

Crow: Yeah, those were all SO great.

Honestly? You don’t know THE MAN?!"

Crono shook his head. "The only THE MAN I know is Johnny, a robot from 2300 A.D."

"Oh my God, are you serious," Taryn muttered.

"Okay people, this conversation is getting us nowhere," Magus told them,

All: We love you Magus!

"Now, who has another suggestion?"

"We should wait for him to attack, and have a ambush plan," Lucca thought.

"No, not the waiting game. I hate that game," Taryn complained.

Crow: How about the dating game?

"Well, it’s better than busting into his hideout and risking our lives," Lucca snapped.

"Shows what you know!" Taryn snarled.

All: Cat fight! Cat fight!! Cat fiiiiiiiight!!!

"Would you two stop with your petty fighting! I’m getting sick of it!" Marle shouted.

Taryn and Lucca instantly shut up. "Thank you!" Marle said.

Magus sighed. They were getting nowhere fast. How were they supposed to defeat Zovak when they couldn’t even get along amongst themselves? Oh Schala, if only you were here to help, he thought.

Tom: (Schala voice) If I were there, we wouldn't need the rest of those jokers at all.

"Hey Magus, what planet are you on?" Taryn said, interrupted his thoughts.

Magus shook his head. "Uh, I’m sorry, what?"

Taryn laughed. "You were a million miles away, welcome back to Earth."

Mike: (Magus voice) Actually, this planet is called-

Tom: (Taryn voice) You've lost me.

"Oh, I’m sorry. Has anyone come up with a plan yet?" Magus wondered.

Taryn nodded. "Amazingly, we managed to do it. Crono, tell him the plan, big guy."

Tom: (Marle voice) Hey, why is she calling you "big guy?"

Crow: (Crono voice) Uh...

Crono cleared his throat. "Well, since Zovak thinks you are the person with the energy he needs, we’ll set a trap to lure him out into the open, then attack him. You, Magus, can been out in the open somewhere, then when he tries to steal your power, we’ll ambush him. How does that sound?"

Crow: A plan brilliant in its stupidity.

"Well, it does sound good, and since it’s the only plan we have, let’s go for it," Magus agreed, "When shall we begin?"

Tom: How about after coming up with a plan that doesn't suck?


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