Mystery Fanfic Theater 3000: Episode 102

By Nanaki

(SoL symbol, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... Mike runs into the theater. Tom and Crow tackle him, and they fight for several seconds before finally getting up and settling into their seats. They all look up at the screen.)

Chrono Trigger: The Lost Force Chapter 7

Saving Magus

By Dragoon Taryn

The End of Time

Tom: Oh well, at least it isn't "Shaving Magus."

Taryn awoke with a start. It seemed like she had been sleeping forever. "Hey, where are you guys?" she called.

Crono, Lucca, Marle and Robo entered the room. "You're finally awake!" Marle exclaimed, relief in her voice.

Mike: (Marle voice) Wow, I'm surprised you're up already! Lucca clocked you with that bat pretty hard.

Taryn rubbed her head. "How long have I been asleep?" she wondered.

"About a day. We thought you weren't going to wake up," Lucca informed her.

Crow: (Lucca voice) You sustained no injuries whatsoever. We thought you were a goner.

Taryn yawned. "So, what are we supposed to do now? I mean, how can we save Magus?"

"Well, we've been working on a way to save him, and Gaspar found out where Zovak's hideout is," Robo quickly filled her in.

Tom: Mike?

Mike: Okay. I think we're legally obligated to.

All: How conveeeeeeeeeenient!

Taryn jumped to her feet. "Great! Let's get going!"

Crono shook his head. "Uh-uh, not right now. We're all still tired, and besides, we can't just go bursting into his hideout. That's kind of direct, isn't it?"

Mike: So now the Saiyan wants to be subtle. I think logic doesn't exist in this universe.

"Who cares?" Taryn demanded, grabbing her scythe, "One of our friends is being held hostage by a psycho, and you just want to sit around and wait for an 'indirect' plan to pop into your heads? That's not the way I work buddy."

Crono sighed. "We had a feeling you would feel that way, so we had to come up with a plan to keep you from getting killed. Come on guys."

The four surrounded Taryn, took her scythe, and tied her to a chair. "I really like this plan," Lucca told Taryn.

Crow: Well, the story has taken a kinky turn...

Tom: If this goes where I think it's going, this will be the best story ever!

"Thanks a lot. Now come on, untie me!" Taryn whined, "You can't just tie me to a chair and leave me here."

"Well, we'll have to for the time being, we don't want you running off and getting killed," Crono explained.

Mike: (Lucca voice) We don't?

"Oh goodie. Well, since I'll be hanging around, you guys might as well tell me the plan," Taryn urged.

"Okay. Now here's the plan," Marle began.

Tom: This story tries to be serious, but employs the characteristics of a sitcom.

Mike: That's a polite way of putting it...

* * * * *

???? (Zovak's Hideout)

"Haha, I am all powerful!" Zovak declared, "And now Magus shall give me his power!"

Crow: The living oxymoron strikes again.

Tom: He's a moron, all right.

He pulled out his staff and realized the crystal was glowing.

All: Ooooh noooooooooooooooooo!!!

Now, why would the crystal be glowing? He thought, then remembered that that Taryn girl had hit it with lightning. He looked into the crystal, expecting to see Magus' face.

Crow: Yeesh, I think a yaoi scene just tried to sneak in here in disguise.

Instead, Taryn's face was in the crystal. "WHAT! This is an outrage!" he yelled, then stormed out of the room towards the dungeon.

Mike: (Zovak voice) How dare my own staff point out that I screwed up?!

Dalton was in the Magus' cell, taunting him. "Soon you will be gone, miserable Prophet, and I will be immortal!"

Magus didn't speak.

Crow: Yet a new paragraph started anyway.

"Oh, come now Magus, there's no need to be shy. You might as well say your last words now," Dalton laughed.

Just then Zovak stormed into the cell. "Ah, there you are brother. Shall we begin the energy draining?" Dalton asked.

Zovak didn't look happy. "There's been a mistake. This loser isn't the powerful one. This," he shoved the crystal into Dalton's face,


Tom: Make it stoooooop!!

"Is the powerful one."

Dalton stared at it. "This.... teenager is the powerful one? That's just great. Now what should we do? Kidnap her? Make a switch?"

"No. They will surely come for their friend, and we can take her to my other hideout," Zovak planned.

Mike: He WOULD have another hideout.

"Well, if there's one thing that's sure about you Zovak, " Dalton stated, "It's that you always have a back-up plan.

* * * * *

???? (Outside Zovak's Hideout)

"Are you guys ready?" Crono asked, pulling out his Rainbow.

They all said yes, then Marle casted Ice2 to freeze the door, and Crono casted Lightning2 to break the iced door.

"Well, that was easy," Marle remarked.

Crow: (Crono voice) Just like you, hon.

"Famous last words," Taryn muttered.

Then the group entered Zovak's Hideout and ran towards the dungeon.


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