Mystery Fanfic Theater 3000 Episode #103:

By Nanaki

Sword of Zeal: The Lost Chapters

Part 12: Second Side-Chapter

By The Spy

The Spy: Welcome back to the Netscape Navigator! I'm your host of this story! Do you like how this story is shaping up?

All: No!

Skeet: I don't. It sucks hard core.

All: Yay Skeet!

The Spy: Quiet, foo.

Tom: (Mr. T voice) I pity the foo' who doesn't visit Seanbaby's page!

Skeet: Spy, just admit it! The story sucks ass!

Travis: hm? You think so? *Ties Skeet up and throws him in the closet*

All: Nooooooooooooooo!!!

Mike: You just know Skeet's going to come out of the closet now...

The Spy: Now that HE's gone, I now rule what your reading!!! HAHAHAHA

Travis: Hey, Spy, what about the Q's and A's

Tom: (Travis voice) In fact, the entire alphabet has joined against you in a class action suit for defamation of character.

The Spy: Right. Get on to it.

Travis: What the hell's your problem???

Crow: Do we have to pick just one?

The Spy: err... let's skip that one.

Mike: Darn. That's the one question I really want the little goober to answer.

Skeet: *mmppphhh*

The Spy: I think he want's to awnser. Travis, go get him.


Tom: I don't think we want to know why it took an entire minute.

Skeet: You wanna know the problem? THE PROBLEM IS THAT YOU CHARGE 20 @#%&$%#$@% DOLLARS FOR THIS PIECE OF CRAP!

Crow: You know, I've heard that hookers in Los Angeles do the same thing...

Mike: Looks like I need to cut off your internet access again...

The Spy: *Weilds his frying pan*

Tom: (Spy voice) This is your brain. Now, this is your brain on my story...

Travis: The Entities haven't made their move yet, only the mortal baddies. Will they? Are the Entities and mortal baddies in league togeather?

Mike: Well, I certainly hope they don't form "A League of Their Own." Then we'd have to put up with Madonna and Rosie O'Donnell too.

The Spy: Well, I can't awnser the first question, but the Entities and the mortal baddies are not on the same team, they just fight for the same cause.

Skeet: What the HELL is that supposed to mean???

Tom: Skeet's just doing all our work for us.

The Spy: You pay no attention to the story, do you?

Skeet: Like I want to.

Crow: Skeet is my god.

Travis: Well that's all the Questions for today.

The Spy: That's it?

Skeet: Let's just get on with the story.

Suddenly, a big portal opens up. All of the LOF members are thrown into the Netscape Navigator.

Mike: (Spy voice) Icy! Uh... what are you doing with that gun? I thought you used a staff...

The Spy: Skeet, get them outta here!

Nanaki: uh... I thought I was getting my ass kicked by a guy in black armor.

Crow: Boomerang always was the man. I can identify with a demon made of metal. But who can identify with a hairy quadruped? Besides Mike, that is.

Mike: Thank you. That's lovely.

That brick to the head hurt, dammit!

Tom: Paul Nathans must have "bricked" him again.

Travis: Hm. Then it effected your thinking. This is an illusion. (skeet hurry)

Skeet: a'right!!! The LOF are outta here!

Suddenly, the LOF are all warped back into Reality Clash.

Crow: Unfortunately, since most of the story hasn't been written yet, only two survived...

Travis: It's raining, guys. Lightning and thundering, too. We'd better turn off the power, in case This place gets hit.

An arc of lightning crashes into the netscape navigaator, frying The Spy.

Tom: Thank you, God!

The Spy: YEEEOUCH!!! Why isn't anyone else hit?

Skeet: Cause you're the only gayrod here.

Mike: Did one of you guys manage to sneak yourself into the story?

Tom: Nope.

Crow: Not me.

Mike: Wow.

Suddenly, a second bolt hit, Knocking out the power.

The Spy: Guys? Guys, you still there, I can't see? Guys?

The Spy sees two green eyes glowing in the darkness. "AHHHHH" Skeet jumps out, and tackles the spy

Mike: Yep, Skeet came out of the closet, all right.

The Spy: What did you do, wait until you see the whites of my eyes???

Skeet: HAHAHAH yeah, they were as big as dinner plates!!!

Tom: More Calvin and Hobbes ripoffs!

Crow: I'd like to mail The Spy a "Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat."

Travis: Well, this ends this edition of Side-Chapter

The Spy: See you soon! Ouch...

Mike: If I ever see you again, it'll be too soon.

(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, SoL symbol)

(As Mike and Tom arrive on the bridge, they come up short as they see Crow punching himself. He gives himself an uppercut to the jaw, then rolls across the floor.)

Tom: Crow! What'n'th'heck are you doing?!

Crow: (Kicking himself in the ass) No time to talk now guys! I'm locked in a life or death struggle with Metal-Crow!

Mike: Uh... huh. Tom, you wanna handle this one?

Tom: Sure, Mike. Crow, ya big dope! There's no one else here!

Crow: (Giving himself a noogie) I know! Metal-Crow has somehow taken physical control of my body! The diabolical fiend must have implanted a control chip in my brain, a la "Chrono Continuum"!

Tom: Crow, I think you've overlooked a key fact here. You are made of metal.

Crow: (Slamming his head against the counter repeatedly) Yes! Thus, it will be much more difficult to identify the villain when he actually appears!

Tom: Hoo boy. Okay, I'll spell it out plainly for you. You are Metal-Crow. Metal-Crow is you. You are Crow, and you're made of metal.

Crow: (Finally ceasing his relentless assualt on himself, and standing up straight) You mean, I'm the diabolical evil twin of some fleshy Crow who's going to invade the satellite and kill me?

Tom: Well, probably not that part...

Mike: Oh, I don't know. With the way the story's going, that's quite possible.

Crow: And I was manufactured by Zeal to stop fourteen year old Canadians from saying "eh" all over the ship?

Tom: I'm going to go with "yes" on that one.

Mike: Yeah, no down side. (The trio of lights start to flash, and the bridge begins its trademark shaking.)

Tom: Oh, we'll have to elaborate on this later. We've got Story Sign! (Mike and Tom hurry into the theater. Crow slowly meanders in, looking at the ceiling.)

Crow: So I'm the invincible slayer of Canadians. Excellent...


Part 4

Chrono Trigger Fanfic