Mystery Fanfic Theater 3000 Episode #103

By Nanaki

Sword of Zeal: The Lost Chapters

Part 14: Chris's Counterattack

By The Spy

Tom: Are you sure we can't watch Char's Counterattack?

Crow: Sorry Servo.

"Geez, WHEN is Dev gonna come outta there?" Arielle said. "It's been over an hour since he blew up the place."

Tom: If it's been an hour since he totally blew, he must be dead.

Mike: He drowned!

All: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!

"Don't worry about It." Rich said.

Crow: (Rich voice) He was born with gills.

"Dev always knows what he's..." He was interrupted in mid-sentence by a large spalsh, and Devon and chris's figures emerged out of the water, battling.

Mike: Meanwhile, Devon and Chris had drowned, because unlike their action figures, they needed to breathe.

Devon was badly beaten, and Chris hardly had a scratch on him.

All: (Saluting) Heil Chritler!

They continued to fight, until devon was nailed in the jaw by a vicious punch from chris, which sent him down into the island, breaking the solitary palm tree. Then, about 20 coconuts fell out, bashed him on the head, and it sounded a lot like "Birth of the god".

Mike: Oh, for crying out loud! He can't even die with dignity!

Devon flew up, and engaged Chris again.

Tom: They'd been engaged once before, but Chris broke it off when he met David.

They battled back and forth, with Chris gaining the upper hand. He then charged for a massive blast, a beam of energy bigger than the island itself. About as big as the Neo-Bahamut summon. He fired it at Devon, who dodged out of the way.

Tom: Say, you know, as long as we're sort on the subject of Gundam, I have a question about Wing.

Crow: Fire away.

Tom: You know how, in episode 48, Zechs says "The Gundam pilots don't act in a way that's perceived as predetermined or predestined. That's what makes them experts in combat. Just like me, Zechs Merquise."?

Crow: Yeah.

Tom: What in the Earth Sphere is he talking about?

Mike: Your guess is as good as mine, good buddy.

Crow: Yeah, at least until he got Epyon, he made more sense than Treize. I mean, there's a total Froot Loop. I think all that noble crap is just to cover up the fact that he didn't quite have a grasp on the English language.

Tom: You know, that would make sense, actually. I mean, "Khushrenada" sounds French, or Italian, or any other country that focuses on cheese a lot.

Mike: Just when I thought you guys were paying attention to the story again...

Crow: Oh, jeez. I'm sorry Mike. Let's see if we missed anything.

"CURSES." Chris yelled. The gigantic beam flew off into the distance, at an extremely fast pace.

Crow: No, we didn't! So Servo, you think that the odd style was on purpose?

Tom: Yeah. I mean, pretty much the only one who'd speak English as a first language would be Duo, and his lines all made sense, right?

Crow: Come to think of it, you're right. There was never a time when I just had to scratch my head and wonder what he was talking about, even when he was getting into abstract subjects. Man, that's a good theory, Servo.

Servo: Well, it made sense once I forced myself to remember that these people would probably be speaking all kinds of languages. They're just all translated into Japanese and/or English for the audience's benefit.

Crow: Well, that was an enlightening talk. Kind of helped to recover from this God-awful story.

Tom: Let's see if it gets any worse.

"Heh, Chris, guess what? I just won." Devon smirked.

Crow: (Ticx voice) Ha! I won!

Chris laughed. "We all know that I have the upped hand, not you."

Mike: The "upped" hand? Look, I can turn my hands upward too. I don't see how that's a big advantage in combat.

"Don't count on it. Look behind you." Devon pointed behind chris. Chris turned around, and saw the powerful blast he shot a few minutes ago.

Crow: Aw, falling for the oldest trick in the book. Well there's a legendary villain.

"OHHHHNOOOOOOOAAACCCKKKKK!!!!" Chris yelled as the blast came around the world, and fried him.

Tom: You know, since they were fighting at sea level, shouldn't that blast have impacted into something else before it hit Chris?

Mike: Yep.

Tom: All righty then.

When the blast finally left Earth's gravity, and zoomed into space, Chris had been reduced to... Well, nothing. Devon floated down to the island.

"Hey guys. What's up?" He said with a cocky grin.

Crow: My head is about to explode from the sheer number of possible jokes.

Mike: That's how you know it's The Spy's work.

Tom: Well, all the major villains have been fragged. Do you suppose we're done?

Mike: Let's go see.

(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, SoL symbol)

Mike: Cambot, open the Hex-Field viewscreen! (Cambot complies, and soon the viewscreen reveals Dr. Forrester in front of his bathroom mirror, plucking his eyebrows.)

Tom: Augh! Well, that just turned my soul to dust, right there.

Dr. Forrester: (Notices the camera is on) Ack! Nike Melson, what are you doing out of the theater already?!

Mike: Well, all the villains in the story have been killed. That usually means the story is over.

Dr. Forrester: Ah, yes. Well, normally I would be inclined to agree. However, for reasons that are beyond even my vast intellect, The Spy wrote a completely pointless epilogue.

Crow: You gotta be kidding me.

Dr. Forrester: Afraid not, my Canadian-killing Doppelganger. Now, get back in the theater! (The Hex-Field viewscreen closes instantly, and the flashing lights signify Story Sign.)

Crow: How'd he know about my fantastic anti-Canadian powers?

Mike: Never mind that now, we've got Story Sign!!


Part 6

Chrono Trigger Fanfic