Sorceress and Knight Chapter 1

A Box Labeled "Astatine"

By Tsarmina

Selphie Tilmitt was alone in the quad, reading a book as she sat on a bench. Her expressions was thoughtful as she poured over the thick novel titled The Complete History of the Sorceress. It was a rather large volume, probably as thick as her hand was wide. It was a rather odd thing for her to have on her lap, reading, but it was there nonetheless. She smiled widely. "Super cool!!!!" she shouted to no one in particular.

She wore her SeeD uniform, since she was waiting for one of the "super boring" ceremonies to begin. It seemed to her that all she ever did was attend ceremonies, now that she was a SeeD. And it was usually boring ceremonies in which more students became SeeDs. We're supposed to kill things, not sit around in stupid bummer ceremonies! I want to blow things up! She thought to herself, distracted from her…book. On closer examination it was obvious she wasn't reading a rather large text…but instead was reading the comic book slipped between the pages. Captain Seed: The Adventures of a SeeD.

Selphie jumped to her feet, tossing the book aside. "Booooring! I'm bored of waiting!" she whined to herself. She stood there for a few seconds before clapping her hands together, jumping from foot to foot with odd glee. "Heeeeey! I know!" she giggled, running up the stairs and out of the quad.

She ran past the other students, heading straight for the center elevator. She punched the "up" button.

"Hurry, hurry!" she complained, jumping from foot to foot in irritation. She hit the button again…again…and a few more times for good measure before the doors finally opened. She jumped inside as other walked out. "Hi, Squall!" she said cheerfully as he walked by.

"…Whatever," he grumbled, frowning at the sight of the hyperactive SeeD.

When the elevator closed, Selphie pushed the "3f" button and the elevator began moving up. I'm so smart! Selphie thought to herself. Smart, smart, smart!!! When the elevator door opened, she stepped out, almost tripping over her own feet.

"Bummer!" she exclaimed when she saw no one in the room. She had been hoping they would start the moment she walked inside.

Despite the fact she had no permission to enter, she walked straight into the Headmaster's Office (or the bridge, but currently the Garden was stationary near Balamb). She frowned when she didn't see anyone. Why won't they start it? I don't want to wait anymore! Waiting is booooooring!!!

She started wandering around the office, peering at the display cases. Headmaster Cid always had enjoyed collecting "super cool" sorceress artifacts. Almost to the point of obsession, though.

"Super cool!" Selphie exclaimed, eyes on a black box labeled Astatine. She remembered…vaguely…that was the name of an element she was forced to memorize. Maybe Cid collected some of it! It's not like my teacher knew anything when he said you couldn't hold gas in your hand or anything…He was stupid!

She tried to pry the lid open, but there was a lock on it. "Bummer lock!" she exclaimed, searching for something to pry it open with. She noticed an artifact labeled "Sorceress Key" and grabbed it. Silly Cid! Why'd he leave this here for me to find? She inserted the key into the lock, turning it. A satisfying "click" followed her actions soon after.

Selphie tossed the key aside and opened the box, expecting green or blue gas to come pouring out all over the place…but was disappointed to see the box held nothing! Not even a drop of the element.

"Super duper bummer!" she exclaimed, carelessly tossing the box towards the center of the room.

Selphie turned to leave the office but was stopped by…a voice?

Selphie Tilmitt! it shouted inside her head.

Who's there? Selphie demanded, not quiet realizing that it was an unusual thing to have voices talking inside her head.

I am Sorceress Astatine! You have been foolish enough to set me free from that cursed box! the voice replied.

Super cool! You're in my head and you have the same name as an element! Are you made of gas or something? Selphie giggled.

You will now be my host body for what you have done, foolish girl! I will use you to take over this world! Mwahahahahaha!!! Sorceress Astatine replied, ignoring Selphie's comments.

Really? I'm gonna get possessed? Cool! I've never gone through a possession! I bet it's super fun! Selphie replied, clapping her hands in excitement. Not a very original plan, though, to take over the world…but that's okay with me as long as I get to do it!

I'll be doing it, twit! You'll be dead! the Sorceress replied, irritated.

Bummer! How long have you been in that box? You're super cranky for a sorceress! Selphie shot back.

Too many years to count… Astatine groaned. And I'm not cranky—I'm evil! Sorceresses are evil, not cranky!

Uh-uh! Rinoa's not cranky or evil! I think it's just you and your cranky problem!






Super, duper, cranky!

Evil, worthless twit!

Whatever! Selphie's short attention span was loosing interest. So, are you gonna possess me or what? This is getting booooring!!!

Selphie jumped from foot to foot with impatience as she waited. If there was anything she hated more than waiting it would have to be boring, cranky, people.

Here we go, little twit! Astatine grumbled inside her head. Her words were immediately followed by a strange tingling sensation throughout Selphie's body…


Rinoa Heartilly sat across a table in the cafeteria from Quistis Trepe. She had a bored expression on her face as Quistis droned on about…something… Rinoa played idly with the two rings on the chain around her neck, pretending to look interested.

"Rinoa!" Quistis snapped, her mouth a thin line. "Have you listened to a single word I said?"

"Umm…" Rinoa mumbled.

"How can I explain to you if you don't want to listen?" Quistis demanded.

You're just jealous because Squall chose me over you! Rinoa thought. "I dunno… Maybe I can whip up an 'instant replay' spell…"

"There's no such thing!" Quistis exclaimed.

"Sure there is! I'm the sorceress!" Rinoa shot back. Ever since Quistis realized that there was no way to get Squall back from Rinoa, the two had never got a long. It was always something about Rinoa, or something about Quistis.

"You know very well that it's impossible!" Quistis snapped, her attitude immediately turning into the I'm-an-Instructor-so-I-know-everything mood Rinoa hated so much.

Rinoa stuck her tongue out and opened her mouth to reply, but at that moment a voice came over the intercom.

"Students and faculty! Just a short while ago someone broke into Headmaster Cid's collection of sorceress artifacts. A very important box was opened and there is reason to believe the guilty party has released the Sorceress Astatine into the Garden. There is no need to panic, but if you have any information on the matter report immediately to Headmaster Cid or Commander Squall! That is all."

Rinoa shrugged a little. "I wonder who could have done that!" she exclaimed.

Quistis suppressed an urge to accuse Rinoa. "Let's find Squall. He'll know what to do about this situation."

You still want him! Is that all you ever think about? Rinoa thought with a smirk. "I agree… Let's find him and ask if he knows exactly what's going on."

The two of them headed out of the cafeteria and wanted to the front hall near the directory. They didn't see Squall, but they did see Selphie.

"Hey, Selphie!" Quistis called.

Selphie turned a little to look at them, her expression a wide smile. "Super cool! I know where to go!"

"Uh…what?" Rinoa asked.

Selphie ducked behind the directory without another word, giggling. When Quistis and Rinoa peered over… She was gone.


So, Asta! Are we almost there? Selphie asked cheerfully. She was rather delighted since the sorceress's attempts had failed. All except one thing: Selphie was officially a sorceress with all the powers of one.

Don't call me "Asta", twit! the Sorceress replied.

Umm…okay. So what do you want me to call you? Selphie asked.

Huh? Speak up!

I feel it close! Astatine said, ignoring Selphie's comment.

Ifeelitclose? What sort of—Ohhh! I get it! We're close to Lunatic Pandora! So, where is it? Huh huh huh? Where?

Close, twit! Astatine replied. Very, very, close.

Selphie sat straighter up on a chocobo, riding it casually but trying to see Lunatic Pandora. Hey! Do you think I could blow something up with my new powers? That would be so much fun!!!

Those are my powers, twit!

Yours, mine, same thing! Anyway, you gave me them so stop whining! Selphie shot back.

The chocobo became nervous as it ran over the dry land. They were nearing Tear's Point, and something huge loomed over it. Lunatic Pandora.

Finally! Just what we need! Astatine cackled.

What are we going to do with it? Blow things up? And why didn't they destroy it after what happened? It should be destroyed! Blown up! In pieces!

Quiet! the Sorceress hissed.

But, but, buuuuut!!! Why's it still around? And why'd they leave it there?!?!

I don't know, twit. The author's obviously trying to avoid the fact since she made a stupid mistake and doesn't want to be creative enough to fix it! Just stop asking about it and head for Lunatic Pandora!

Author? Ummm… Whatever. Selphie realizes just how crazy sorcessess really are. She "thinks" for a moment after what she said. Heeey! I sound like Squall now!

Quiet, twit! Astatine snapped.


Full name, twit!

Fine, fine, FINE. Astatine! Why are we riding to Lunatic Pandora? I mean…I am a sorceress—

—I'm the sorceress, you're the host!—

—Shouldn't I just be zapping us there with the snap of a finger?

No! Astatine replied hurriedly. That's…okay… Last time, when you "zapped" us from the Garden, we were "super cool one with the tree!" I for one do not want to repeat being stuck in a tree!

Super bummer, Selphie pouted.

Quiet, twit, and ride! the Sorceress replied.

Irv woulda—


As the chocobo neared Lunatic Pandora, Selphie dismounted. She looked up at the huge thing, realizing it would be impossible to get up there without a little help from her new powers. How're we gonna get up there?

Selphie heard Astatine groan. Fly up there! You're—I mean… You have my abilities now, so just fly up there!

How do I fly?

Just try!

Selphie threw her arms above her head like a really cheap magician would. "FLY!!!"

"Waaaaaark!" the chocobo protested as it was suddenly lifted ten feet above the ground. It attempted to "run" but it just spun around in the air.

"Ooops… Sorry, dude!" Selphie squeaked. Somehow, she managed to get the chocobo down on the ground and herself into the air. It was a mystery even to herself how it was done. "Super cool!" she exclaimed.

Umm…Asta? How—


Fine, fine—Astatine? How do we get in now that we're up?

You know this, twit, Astatine replied as Selphie began "swimming" through the air. Ohh, poor Lunatic Pandora! You punched a hole in the thing! Poor, poor, Pandora! How could you do that with your ship?

Oh, duuuh! I guess I knew that! Selphie giggled. She "swam" upwards along the side of Lunatic Pandora until she came upon a rather huge hole in the side. She went in, landing on the floor of it. I remember making this hole! Super fun!

Super bummer—Ahhh! I'm starting to talk like you!

Heeeey! That's—

Don't say it!


You know perfectly well!

Fine…be a—

Don't even!




Just stop talking and get walking!

Heey! You rhymed that!!!


Twenty minutes later, Selphie stood at the "bridge" of Lunatic Pandora, an even wider grin on her face. "Super cool!" she exclaimed. "What do I hit? I want to make it mooove!"

Hit the button!

Which button? Selphie moved her hand towards a bit red one. This one?

Dear Hyne, no! The cream-colored one!

Eww! That one? It's ugly! Sup—

Don't even consider it!


Just hit the button.

Selphie sulked for a few seconds before hitting the cream button. Lunatic Pandora groaned and came to life, lights flooding the entire thing. "Super, duper, fun! Umm….Why isn't it moving?"

If Astatine could, she would have smacked herself on the forehead. That only turns it on! Go to the controls and you'll be able to move it.

Selphie sat down in a chair, looking around the control panel. "Whoohoo!" she squealed.


Seifer Almasy, Fujin, and Raijin all sat on a pier at Fisherman's Horizon. Seifer had a look of pure boredom on his face as Raijin and Fujin argued over who had the larger fish.

"Mine's huge, ya know?" Raijin complained, waving a fish about half a foot long in Fujin's face.

"SMALL," Fujin replied, glaring at him. She held a one-foot fish in her hand, but didn't wave it around in his face.

"Yours is sooo small, ya know? That wouldn't even make me happy for breakfast, ya know?"


"What sort of come-back is that, ya know? We're talking about fish!"


"Mine's bigger, ya know?" Raijin continued, not realizing that the conversation was over and he was in a dangerous situation.

"PAIN," Fujin said, her glaring at him.

"What—Oh! Umm… Yeah, Seifer, don't you think Fujin's fish is HUGE, ya know?" Raijin laughed nervously.

Seifer opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by a loud roar. All three spun towards the east as a huge…thing…came towards them.

"Hey! Isn't that—" Raijin began.

"Why wasn't that destroyed?" Seifer wondered aloud.

"AUTHOR STUPID," Fujin said knowingly.

"But who could possibly be moving it, ya know? I thought we were the only ones crazy enough, ya know," Raijin said…attempting to sound intelligent.

"I wonder if this has anything to do with those SeeDs," Seifer said thoughtfully as Lunatic Pandora slowly moved past FH.


Inside Lunatic Pandora, one shout echoed throughout all the walls: "Whoohoo! This is super duper completely fun awesome!!!"


Author's Note: Yeah, I know. Astatine is an element. There is a good reason. Astatine is a gas…and when you think about it, that's all Selphie has up there. So, sure, you can call it "symbolism", but it'd be more accurate to call it "writing fanfics during chemistry".


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