Sorceress and Knight Chapter 2

The Knight

By Tsarmina

"That's sooo expensive! Can't you lower the price? I mean, I'm only a level 4 SeeD 'cause…umm…" Zell Dincht trailed off, trying to think of something better to say then the truth. I don't want to tell them I always run away…Maybe if I just…

"Sir, I don't care what level SeeD you are—the price stays at two gil!" the young woman replied, tapping her foot in annoyance.

"B-But I'm a representative from Balamb Garden a-and ya wouldn't want me ta complain to my Headmaster and your President," Zell protested.

"Two gil."

"One gil!"

"Two and  a half gil."

"Three gil!"

"Deal," she said, suppressing a grin.

Zell thought over it a moment before it sank in he was paying more than he wanted to. "Awww, man!"

"Do you want it or not?"

Zell sighed and pulled the money out of his pocket, pausing to replace all of the other junk that fell out, and handed three gil to her. It was amazing what a man had to pay for the new issue of Captain SeeD: The Adventures of a SeeD.

Zell walked away from Esthar's shopping center, finding a bench to sit on. His SeeD uniform was disheveled, stubby hair unkempt. He sat down, crossing his legs.

Captain SeeD is sooo cool, Zell thought to himself. I'm gonna be just like him when I get older!

Zell opened up the comic book, reading in awe. He finished it from cover to cover in a matter of…hours. He sighed heavily when he finished it. He kicks butt! And he never once ran away from the badguys!

Zell looked down at his watch idly. He had to be at the President's office in— "Ahhh! I was supposed to be there twenty minutes ago!"

Zell leaped to his feet, running to the first elevator he saw. He jumped onto it and rode it until he arrived at the front of the Presidential Palace.

Heeeey! Zell! a voice suddenly yelled.

"Who's there?" Zell demanded, only a few steps away from the main entrance. A man walking by gave him a strange look.

In your head! the voice shouted.

Wh-what are you doing in here? Zell demanded. He found it rather odd to have voices in his head, let alone thought.

It's meee! the voice giggled.

Who's Meee?

No, no, no, idiot! Me! Selphie!

Huh? Why are you in my head? Zell demanded.

Talking to you! Selphie replied.

Zell paused and glanced around, seriously disliking Selphie being in his head…it was disturbing to him. Umm… Why?

I'm a sorceress now! Cool, huh? Super duper fun! Selphie squeeled.

But what does that have to do with me? Zell hadn't quite caught on to what she had said.

I have a special job for you!

Special? Zell asked. He had always like that word because he was special in his own and unique sort of way.

Oh, yes. But there's one condition… she trailed off.


You have to…become my knight! Selphie declared.

Zell jumped around, punching the air. "The hell does she mean?!" he shouted. Once again, he received a strange glare from a passerby. Like Seifer? Are you nuts!? He's my archenemy!

Ummm… No and unsure. Anyway, it'll be super cool! And I won't manipulate you or anything… I have something in return for your services! You'll really like it!

Zell could always hear the maniacal laugh following… Somehting?

Oh, yes… HOT DOGS!!! Selphie yelled inside his head.

"Hot dogs!?!?" Zell shouted with pure glee. This time, he merely received a nod of acknowledgement from a young man walking by. You'll really give me hot dogs???

Oh, yes. An unlimited supply of them! But, remember, you have to become my knight and do whatever I tell you to do! Selphie chimed in.

Sure! I'll be your knight! It'll be coooool! And fun! And oh-so-yummy! What is it that you want me to do?

This time, Zell could have sworn he heard the laughter. Kidnap… Sir Laguna!


Laguna Loire, the President of Esthar, sat bent over a desk covered in documents. He sighed heavily, wishing something interesting would happen to him other than the occasional attack from a fly. (The darn thing wouldn't leave his office, even after repeated attempts to kill it and make it go out the window)

"Hey! You can't just barge in like that!" his secretary shrieked from the room outside his office. "Stop! Or I'll have to call security—ahhhh!!!! Mr. President!!!"

Laguna stood up as she ran in, followed closely by a rather disgruntled SeeD. It took Laguna a few seconds to recognize the blond-haired SeeD as Zell Dincht, one of the SeeDs that had helped save the planet.

"What's going on?" Laguna demanded.

Zell grinned madly. "Hey, Laguna!"

"You didn't answer my question," Laguna replied, wishing the annoying kid would leave. He had always hated people like Zell.

"Yeah, I know… You're coming on a trip with me," Zell replied.

"Trip? You must be joking!" And, anyway, I wouldn't go anywhere with you… Even if I was bribed with a different job that still pays as high as this one!

"You don't exactly have a choice, Sir Laguna!"

By this time, the secretary had passed out against the wall.

"What!?" Laguna demanded, thoroughly confused. He didn't have time to think much of anything else before Zell attacked.


Zell stepped back and admired his handywork. He had managed to bound and gag Laguna in two minutes. It was a record for him. "You're quick… For an old dude," Zell laughed.

Laguna growled something in reply, but the gag he wore prevented him from making any understandable sounds. Zell discerned from Laguna's glare that he really didn't want to hear what the "old dude" had meant to say.

"Oh no!" Zell suddenly exclaimed. There was one thing he had forgotten to add into his master plan…the escape. He crouched down, punching the air in a valiant attempt at thought.

Selphie!!! he screamed inside his head. Help me!!!

Go to the front of the Presidential Palace and I'll handle the rest, Selphie replied.

"C'mon, Laguna. And don't try anything funny!" Zell said, trying to sound tough. Just act cool—Like Captain SeeD! And everything will be allllright! he said to himself. He saw a blanket, wrapping Laguna in it. "Stand up!"

Laguna pulled himself to his feet, hidden under the blanket. He shot a glare at Zell, but remained silent.

"I'll just tell everyone I brought you, my leper-of-a-friend, here to have a miraculous healing from, uh, you, the President!" Zell said. It was a rather silly plan, since leperousy hadn't been seen for hundreds of years.

The odd pair shuffled out, heading towards the entrance of the palace. Nobody stopped them except one man. He considered doing so, but decided against it when Laguna began groaning and trying to speak.

"Complete nut!" the man exclaimed before hurrying away.

Just as the two walked out the door, Lunatic Pandora arrived from the west, stopping right above the palace.

"Whoa, dude! Why wasn't that place destroyed?" Zell asked, speaking the exact words Laguna had been wondering.

"Hey, Seph! Let's—ahhhhh!!"

Laguna and Zell found themselves inside Lunatic Pandora, staring right into the eyes of Selphie, which were extremly wide.

"…Go…" Zell said weakly.

"Laguna, Laguna, Laguna!" Selphie squealed, twirling around in her excitement to have him there.

Laguna took a few steps back, the blanket falling off of him. His eyes were opened as wide as the empty space in Zell's head…

"You—you tied him up!!!!" Selphie screeched.

"Umm…" Zell tried.

"Oh, my poor poor Laguna!" she cooed, running over to him. She untied him and removed the blanket. "And he gagged you?!?!" She removed the gag…but probably should have refrained from doing so.

"What's going on here? Why have you two taken me!? And why wasn't Lunatic Pandora destroyed? And an—" Laguna ranted.

Selphie waved her arms around, casting "silence" on him. His mouth continued to move…but no sound came. "That's enough of that, Sir Laguna!'

"Umm…Selphie?" Zell piped in.

"What?" she asked, turning towards him.

"Err… Hot dogs?"

Selphie rolled her eyes. "Oh, yes. Your hot dogs. It makes me wonder if Edea bribed Seifer with anything…" Selphie waved her arms around but Zell didn't notice anything edible.

"Where are they?" Zell asked.

"In the next room. Shout if you want any more," Selphie replied, turning back to her helpless victim.

Laguna was still trying to speak but, of course, all he was doing was making himself red in the face with his efforts. When he noticed the expression on her face, he took a few steps away from her, closing his mouth.

"Don't you like me?" she asked.

Laguna opened his mouth and closed it again, giving up on speech. He just took another step back, lower lip trembling in fear of what Selphie was planning to do with him in Lunatic Pandora.

From the next room, they both heard Zell's reaction to the hot dogs. "SCORE! And I can get more! Hehehehe!!!"

Laguna mouthed, "I wish they'd kill me now…"


"Hey! Squall! We have an important message from Kiros in Esthar!" Irvine ran into Squall's room, eyes wide.

Squall sat up in his bed, eyes glazed a small amount from sleep. What could Kiros possibly want with us? I hope this has nothing to do with Laguna. Maybe Laguna wants to have that "talk" now. It's not like I don't know. I mean, hey, Kiros and Ward practically screamed what the truth was. And… Squall blinked a few times when Irvine started staring at him. "What?"

Irvine rolled his eyes. "The important news is most likely linked to that box of Cid's." He paused to cross his arms over his chest. "Lunatic Pandora has been taken. And… Laguna has been kidnapped!"

Squall blinked a few times. Why didn't someone destroy Lunatic Pandora? That place is completely evil and is always used to cause problems on this planet. What was Laguna thinking in letting it stay there without being destroyed? Probably thinking of a woman. He never can keep his mind on anything good. He always gets distracted by the littlest things… "…Whatever."

"This is serious! Not only that, but Selphie has disappeared from Garden and nobody has heard from Zell!" Irvine replied, surprised at Squall's reaction. Sure, the ugy could be heartless when it came to small things, but he had never been thi sway with serious matters.

Selphie and Zell gone? And Laguna? Squall thought, suppressing the sudden urge to hug Irvine for the good news. He only nodded.

"We have to do something! What if the sorceress kidnapped all three of them and is torturing them as we speak?"

"That would be…" Bad or good? I hate these decisions! "…Um, very bad… Very, very bad…" Squall mumbled.


Five minutes later Squall was in Cid's office. Along with him were Rinoa, Quistis, and Irvine. They were deciding on a course of action to take in terms of recent events.

"I say we go in there and blow everything up!" Irvine said, trying to sound heroic.

"No," Squall said flatly.

"Umm… Use my powers to get rid of the Sorceress and save Laguna, Selphie, and Zell!" Rinoa declared.

"No. We don't know the details of the matter," Squall replied.

"How about we find Lunatic Pandora and demand that the Sorceress give back our… friends… or we'll be forced to perform one of those options," Quistis tried.

Squall rolled his eyes, rubbing his forehead with irritation. "No. We'll attempt to contact them or wait until they contact us. Then we'll decide on a course of action to take against the Sorceress."

"That's a great idea!" Quistis exclaimed.

Rinoa looked at her sharply. "Wonderful, Squall! You're sooo smart!"

"I wish I was half as smart as you, Squall!" Quistis said, glaring at Rinoa.

"How about we go and make out for your smartness?" Rinoa said sweetly, glaring at Quistis.

Squall blinked a few times and shrugged. "…Whatever." He stood up and headed out of the room. Rinoa hurried over to his side and linked her arm in his, ubt not before she stuck her tongue out in Quistis's direction.

Quistis glared after Rinoa, wondering to herself. Why am I the only one who doesn't have a man? Selphie has Irvine and Rinoa has Squall! It's not fair! And there's no way I'm going with Zell, Nida, or any of the other morons at this Garden!

Irvine laughed. "I wonder what Zell and Selphie are doing right now!"

Quistis suddenly had an idea. want a man! And I'll do anything to get one! "Probably this!" She leaned over and kissed Irvine before leaving the room.

Irvine stared after her, a shocked expression on his face. "That's a first!" he exclaimed.


Author's Note: One of the most irritating parts in the game was Selphie and Irvine. I mean, eww, poor Irv! And Quistis is actually a pretty cool character, so who better for Irvine? And, anyway, I thought it would be funny… So, like, ya know… Deal with it if it disturbs you.


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