Sorceress and Knight Chapter 3

Blame it on Seifer

By Tsarmina

Seifer, Raijin, and Fujin walked straight into Balamb Garden; heads held high and cocky smirks on their faces. People quickly leaped out of their way, not wanting anything to do with the former Disciplinary Committee. Everyone knew how crazy the three were. It was obvious from the whole deal with Sorceress Ultimecia that they had some…issues.

They would have marched straight up to Headmaster Cid's office if they hadn't have met up with Squall…

Squall stared at each of them in turn, blinking. Why are they here? I thought they weren't allowed to enter… I even gave that order! They probably have something to do with Lunatic Pandora! That's it—They're in league with the sorceress and now they're going to… Hey, they're— "What are you doing here?" Squall demanded, their laughter snapping him out of his thoughts.

"You know perfectly well," Seifer replied, motioning for his "posse" to stop their giggling.

"CONTROL, WHY?" Fujin demanded.

"What? You're the ones up to something!" Squall exclaimed, wondering what the three were talking about. They always have been weird. Especially Fujin and Raijin. What's with their speech problems? Seifer probably beats them…

"And why haven't you SeeDs destroyed the place, ya know?" Raijin asked absentmindedly.

"QUIET!" Fujin hissed.

Squall blinked a few times. He had been wondering the same thing himself. He began rubbing his forehead in confusion. They're just trying to mess with my mind. That's all… He opened his mouth to say something.

"SEIFER!!!" a voice screeched. Rinoa ran into the hall where they stood, hugging the former sorceress's knight.

"Ahhh!" Seifer tried to wiggle out of her grasp, but was unable to. His eyes darted around in panic. Get her off me! Someone get her off me!!!

Rinoa finally stepped away from the distressed Seifer and looked him up and down. "You look great!" she exclaimed. "And you got a cool new trenchcoat! Can I try it on? Please?"

Squall pulled Rinoa away from Seifer. "Rinoa… He's the enemy!"

Rinoa blinked a few times, her hand playing with her necklace. "No… Not anymore! He's nice now! Just like he was before the mean sorceress took over his mind!" Rinoa said, stamping her foot on Squall's. She pouted.

"Ow!" Squall exclaimed, jumping up and down on his other foot.

Seifer saw Rinoa coming towards him and put his hands up in protest. "N-no! I'm very bad! Bad, bad, baaad!" he tried to sound as sincere as possible, but he sounded more panicked than anything else.

Rinoa pouted even more. "No you aren't! Ultimecia tricked you into doing all of those evil things! You're good now!"

"He tried to, umm, junction? you permanently to Adel, ya know?" Raijin tried, only confusing himself.

Fujin kicked Raijin in the leg. "IDIOT!"

Raijin howled in pain, sitting down on the floor to nurse his leg. "That hurt, ya know? You kick too hard!"

"He's probably with that sorceress! He's probably her knight!" Squall protested.

"Exactly— Wait, no! You are the ones that are messing with Lunatic Pandora! There's only three of us, and six of you!" Seifer shot back.

"So? You could be having the sorceress move Lunatic Pandora around!" Squall replied.

"Sorceresses wouldn't waste their time moving Lunatic Pandora around! They'd be doing something productive—like threatening time compression, or turning the world into their own puppets!"

"Umm…" Squall thought desperately for something to say. "You were a puppet!"

"You're Rinoa's girlfriend!"

"HEY!" Rinoa protested. She was ignored by everyone.

"We beat you up tons of times!"

"You had to have two friends to do it!"

"You hang out with Raijin!"

"That's unfair, ya know!" Raijin whined, standing. He was sitting back down again in seconds when Fujin kicked him.

"So? You hang out with Chicken-wuss and that weirdo girl!"

Squall knew when he was beaten. He frowned, wishing he could deny the fact so that Seifer would believe him. "Actually, those two are missing…And I never hang out with them. They just tagged along!"

"Missing?" Seifer asked sharply. "What!? Those two are probably the ones that took Lunatic Pandora!" He blinked a few times. "Or not… Would they be intelligent enough to maneuver it?"

"I doubt it… You probably kidnapped them for the sorceress!"

Seifer broke into laughter. "Kidnap them? Why would I want to kidnap those two? If I did want anything to do with then, which I don't, it would only be to kill them, which I didn't do!"

"You killed them!?" Squall exclaimed. Not that he cared, it just surprised him.

"IDIOT!" Fujin exclaimed.

"No, no, no. I haven't seen them, luckily enough," Seifer snapped.

Rinoa was still pouting over Seifer's comment and that she was being ignored by everyone. "Don't you like me anymore, Seifer? What about that summer?"

Seifer shuddered, remembering the summer he had visited Dolet for a vacation…

"Hey, Seifer! I want to look at your gunblade! Puh-lease?" Rinoa complained, twirling her necklace around on her finger.

"Umm… Sure. But don't hurt yourself. It's pretty sharp," Seifer replied, handing his precious weapon over to her with care.

"So, like, what does it do?" Rinoa asked, twirling it around carelessly.

"Kills things."

"Ohh… Don’t' you ever use it for nice things?" Rinoa pouted.

"No. It's a weapon. And weapons are used to kill, mutilate, hurt, or just chop things up. They're never used for 'nice' things!"

Rinoa tossed the weapon back to Seifer, narrowly missing his leg with the sharp blade. She flipped her hair in a rather ditzy way.

Seifer barely caught the gunblade by the handle, breathing a sigh of relief when it didn't harm anything except his dignity. "What do you think you're doing?" he demanded, trying to remain calm with her actions.

Rinoa pouted. "Do you care about me or that stupid killing machine? Make your decision!"

Seifer laughed a little. He had chosen the gunblade. Not that it gave her the hint, though. She would constantly cling to him until he left for Garden. "What about that summer?" he replied with a shrug.

"You know!" Rinoa exclaimed.

Raijin started giggling. "We all know, ya know!" He quickly turned his smile upside down when Fujin kicked him…again.

"Whatever," Seifer replied.

Rinoa pouted even more. "Don't start that!"

Why isn't Seifer telling us what he's doing with Lunatic Pandora. He just loves to brag about is weird plans. We all know that he's up to something evil! He's always up to something! Ever since we were in that orphanage he's been up to something! I don't exactly remember the orphanage… But he couldn't have been any different! Squall blinked a few times when he noticed all eyes were on him. "…Whatever."

"Well. If it's not me and my posse, and it's no you SeeDs…" Seifer mumbled thoughtfully. "Then who is it?"

"I was blaming it on you, so I don't know…" Squall said. "But it's probably Astatine. She kidnapped President Loire, probably to get control of Esthar."

"KNIGHT?" Fujin demanded (she never asked anything—asking seemed too nice for her tastes).

"I would blame it on you…" Squall mumbled.

"No such luck," Seifer replied. "What about Selphie and Zell? Where do they fit into this?"

"He was blaming that on you, too," Rinoa said, realizing that, once again, she was no longer the center of everyone's attention. "He blames everything on you. Seifer this, Seifer that. 'It's all his fault that—'"

"Shut up!" Seifer snapped.

"What if…" Squall began but shook his head.

"What if what, ya know?" Raijin asked. He cringed, expecting Fujin to kick him.

"Spit it out," Seifer said.

Squall sighed. "What if they took Lunatic Pandora? It's kinda suspicious since they're both missing!"

"Eww!! Why'd you have to point that out?" Rinoa's face went a little pale.

"They're too dense to take Lunatic Pandora. And, frankly, that's a disgusting picture," Seifer crinkled his nose up in disgust.

"Squall's the one that brought it up!" Rinoa protested.

"…Whatever," Squall muttered.


What do you think you are doing, twit? Astatine demanded.

Selphie blinked a few times, surprised at the sudden intrusion into her mind. Huh?

We're supposed to be taking over the world! the sorceress hissed.

So? I'm having super duper fun with Sir Laguna! And, anyway, can't we have a little fun before we take over the world? That's gotta be exhausting work! Selphie whined.

If we take too long, Balamb Garden will be down our backs!! If that happens, we'll stand no chance whatsoever! I don't want my plans in jeopardy just because you want to have some fun!

Super duper bummer! Can't I have fun for even a little longer? Puh-lease? Selphie begged.

Twit! Astatine hissed. Your "fun" will ruin my plans!!!

Selphie began humming to herself, ignoring as the sorceress continued shrieking inside her head.


"So, like, are you having fun?" Zell asked Laguna before he bit into yet another huge hot dog.

Laguna's glare would have frightened even Ultimecia. "So much fun," he said, sarcasm heavy in his tone. Selphie had gotten him calmed down (terrified, actually) to the point where she was able to remove the silence spell.

"Isn't it cool that I'm a knight?" Zell laughed, taking a huge bite out of the hot dog. He laughed a little, but it came out as a snort more than anything else.

Laguna grimaced in disgust when Zell chewed noisily with his mouth open. A small amount fell out. "Yeah…cool."

"Do ou wunt un?" Zell asked, his mouth full.

"I'll pass," Laguna replied. Why won't he shut up? Is he stupid enough to actually think I actually want to be here? Disgusting creep!

"Wut's yur problim?" Zell asked, swallowing the mouthful of hot dog. "Why are you frowning like that?" Zell's skull was too thick to realize that, despite his beliefs, it was not fun to be kidnapped.

Laguna continued glaring at Zell, who was completely oblivious to the fact the man was unhappy.


Fun! Selphie shouted.

Take over the world! Astatine replied.

Fun, fun, SUPER fun!!!




You're cranky, again! Selphie sneered.

So what? I'm a sorceress—I can be cranky whenever I want to be!

You're not a sorceress anymore! I am!

At that moment, the last bit of Astatine's patience disappeared. She let out a shriek of pure rage. Selphie took a step forward.

Heey! Why'd I do that? Selphie demanded. That was super duper uncool!

W-what? I made you move? Astatine asked, a little shaken up. She realized what had happened and began cackling.

What's so funny? Share the joke! Share it share it share it share it!!!! Selphie whined.

I—another step—little—step—twit—step—can—step—control—step—you!!!

Not fair! Now we're gonna be bored! Selphie pouted. She would have crossed her arms over her chest, but her right hand flew up and smacked her in the face. Heeey!! That's not fair!!

You're completely helpless! Astatine cackled happily.

"I control you completely!!!" Selphie shouted, giggling strangely. "I can make you do, and say, whatever I want you to!"

Nooo!!! Selphie protested. She took a step back.

"Hey, twit! Don't even! It's not fair!"

Selphie took a step forward, back, forward, back, then back. She let out a giggle. "Haha! You super lost!"

C'mon! Say something!

Bummer! It's creepy when you're silent!

Heey! Are you just going to…uh…float there?

Worthless twit! I'll get you sometime. The second you fall asleep, I'll take over! Mark my words, Astatine hissed.

Super cool! I've never gotten threats like that! Selphie blinked a few times…looking "thoughtful". Umm… I have gotten numerous death threats. Like the time I started singing "Eyes on Me" in the cafeteria to Nida, when I asked Squall to a dance (Rinoa is soooo possessive!), when I redecorated Squalls' room with flowers and butterflies, when I—



Noooo!!! Astatine wailed in pure anguish. She knew that her mind would never get the images out.

Heey! Meanie! It's not that bad! Selphie pouted. She waited for a reply, but none came. Fine! Be a bummer meanie!

"SHUT UP!!!" a voice shouted.

It took Selphie a moment to realize the voice wasn't in her head this time. "Sir Laguna?" Selphie asked. "What's wrong with My Love?" She hopped around, heading in the direction of the shout.


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