Sorceress and Knight Chapter 7

A "Master" Plan

By Tsarmina

President Karl Delling stood up from his chair at the head of a large banquet table. He was the complete opposite of his father (the former president): tall, slim, with light red-blond hair and a small smile on his lips. Many would call him handsome, but once you got to know him… He held up a glass for a toast. "To Galbadia!"

The dining room was crowded with many men and women, all of whom where wearing suits. "To Galbadia," they echoed, sipping out of their own glasses.

President Delling sat down, smiling smugly. It had been about a year since the Sorceress Edea had killed his father. The old man was all but forgotten. He knew it was time for him to make adjustments in the office.

Something crashed through the large stained-glass window behind him, landing to his right. All heads turned in…her?…direction, gasps emerging from all assembled. Sorceress Selphie had made her appearance.

"What are you doing here? Who are you!?" President Delling demanded of her, confused. He stood up once again, his glass forgotten on the table.

"I am the fearsome and super cool Sorceress Astatine! Tremble at my feet, puny and bummerish mortals!"

"Hey! Aren't you my girl's…friend…Selphie?" a voice piped in.

Selphie blinked. "Uhh… What?"

Mr. Caraway stood up, waving. He had a rather absent-minded look on his face. "Oh, yes, you're the perky one that she can't stand!"

"Am not!" Selphie protested. "I'm Astatine, a super cool sorceress!!"

"You can't be! I'd recognize that hair anywhere!" Caraway protested.

"No, I'm not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!"



"Yes, you are!"

"No, I'm not!"

"Yes you are! I know it! And, besides, a sorceress wouldn't argue like this!"

Selphie pouted, waving her hands about. Caraway was lifted of his feet and smashed into the wall behind him. He groaned and tried getting up, but decided he rather liked the floor as opposed to facing her again. "I told you I was not!"

"Uhh… Sorceress Helium?" President Delling ventured.


"Oh, yes, right. What are you doing here?"

"You are going to be my mega cool ally…" Selphie stated, smiling as sweetly as possible (which only managed to make Delling more nervous).


"Why is Selphie here, of all places?" Rinoa complained. "What's with sorceresses and coming here? It's not like it's that cool of a place!"

Quistis glared at her. "Ask yourself."

Rinoa stuck her tongue out. "Still sore from that beating I gave you, Quisty?"

"Oh, cut it out, children," Seifer snarled. He had a pounding headache from their ceaseless bickering. On the trip from Balamb to Delling, there had not been even a second of silence: the closest to silence possible was growling.

"SILENCE," Fujin agreed.

"Hissy fit, ya know," Raijin said, not quite paying attention.

"RAGE!" Fujin growled, kicking Raijin.

"Owww, ya know! Why—" Raijin began.

"All of you just cut it out!" Seifer was on his feet, holding Hyperion shakily. "Or I swear, I'll kill each and every one of you!"

The cockpit of the Ragnorok was filled with an uncomfortable silence. Everyone (well, except for Squall, who hadn't noticed a thing…off in his own world once again) stared uneasily at different places in the cockpit, remaining silent, until Irvine shouted back.

"We're here!"


It had taken Selphie—err, Astatine—many "super's" and "bummer's" to get the President of Delling to sign an agreement. He had moved the discussion to his personal office soon after she proposed the alliance; he didn't want his guests getting in the way of a business transaction, not matter how unsavory it was… After thirty minutes of discussion and sweating, he finally signed the paper, as much as he hated doing so. She absolutely refused to revise it, much to his dismay. It read:

I, President Delling of super cool Delling City, am now a super fun ally of Sorceress Astatine. I will now obey every word she says, even if she wants me to wear a super bummer chocobo suit and dance around like a pansy all the time! If I ever think of bummer-like betraying her, she'll have a super fun time dismembering me and depositing little bits and pieces of my bummer carcass around the world!

"Super cool!" Astatine (although…there's many doubts as to her actually being Astatine…) exclaimed. He wondered if Mr. Caraway was correct. The girl didn't sound like a sorceress. She looked scary enough…but a sorceress saying "super"?

"What are we going to be doing?" President Delling asked her.

"We," Astatine said cheerfully," are going to rule this super cool world!!!"

He blinked. "How are we going to do that?!?!"

"I…don't know…" she said, frowning. "Why'd you have to mention that?!?!" She threw the first thing that she managed to get her hands on: a stapler.

He ducked as the stapler flew over his head, smashing to pieces against the wall behind him. It had been his favorite stapler, too.


Astatine stood on the balcony of Delling Mansion. A huge crowd swarmed the ground before, chanting excitedly. Frighteningly enough, all were in yellow, had clunky black boots on, and funky hairstyles. Astatine clapped her hands excitedly. "This is so cool! I've always wanted to do this!" The crowd echoed the "cool".

"Super!" Astatine shouted; the crowd repeated.

"Duper! Ultra! Mega! Cool!" once again the crowd chanted, adding to Astatine's joy. Close behind her there was a cauldron full of bubbling liquid.

"So this is what it feels like to be performing a master plan! This is soooooo cool!" she giggled.

Her giggles of pure glee turned into growling when she noticed a group moving toward the back of the crowd. "Get them!" she screamed to her followers. "The ones in the back! The bummer SeeDs and posse! Super duper kill them!!!!!"


It didn't take long to realize the cult had turned on them. One second the yellow-clad people were cheerfully shouting "cool", the next second "kill". And, well, "kill" is not a thing you want a large group of fanatics chanting as they advance upon you (unless, maybe, in some foreign land "kill" means "worship"…but even then…).

"Run!" Irvine shouted. Everyone complied.

As fitting a huge mob mindlessly chanting "kill", they did not run. They followed at a slow walking pace after the SeeDs (and Posse, of course).

"We have to get through there and stop her, Squall!" Rinoa piped up.

"And how do you plan on doing that? Mow them down?" Seifer replied dryly.

"Hey, guys? Where's Chicken-wuss, ya know?" Raijin asked.

No one paid Raijin any attention as they continued runny. For some reason or another, it seems the friendly cult is keeping up despite the rather slow stagger they moved at.

"Do these creeps know when to stop???" Irvine groaned as he ran. He looked at Squall. "Any idea how we're going to get out of this mess?"

Oh, great! Squall thought to himself. They're starting that business again. "Squall, we can't figure anything out without your help!" Probably because of the fact they realize I know so much more than they do! That's it… They'll be erecting monuments for me any—

"SQUALL!!! Get that odd grin off your face! What's wrong with you?" Quistis yelled.

"…Whatever," he mumbled.

"Hey! Don’t' yell at my man that way!" Rinoa growled.

"Who made you boss? I am the Instructor here, aren't I?" Quistis replied disdainfully.

"Still mad, aren't you?" Rinoa mocked. "Scared?"

"In your dreams, ditz. I could take you! Here and now!" Quistis growled.

"H-here? With the cult? Are you insane!?!" Rinoa protested.

"Ohhh… Now who's scared? Scared of an incredibly huge mob dressed like one of the most despicable individuals on this planet, all of whom wish to rip your throat out and dance in the blood screaming 'Super duper mega cool!'??? What a baby!!"

"Fine!!!" Rinoa shot back. "I'll take you! Here and now! I'll let them have you once I'm finished!" she gestured towards the multitudes of brain-dead worshipers.

Rinoa launched herself on Quistis, going for the eyes almost immediately. Quistis tossed her off easily and kicked at Rinoa's belly. The sorceress took the blow in her side and let out a shriek of pain.

"That hurt!" Rinoa protested.

"Yeah… Isn't that the point?" Quistis replied, taking a step back.

"Oh… Right. Sorry, just thought you were being a meanie again." Rinoa promptly kicked at Quistis's knees.

Quistis grabbed Rinoa's leg and pulled the other woman completely off her feet. Rinoa fell to the ground and looked up to see a glimpse of Quistis. Rinoa was hit on the back of the head and groaned before slumping to the ground.

"Hey, Squall! You might want to come get your girlfriend!" Quistis shouted. No reply "Squall?"

There was no one there. Well, no one other than the multitudes of followers who had formed a circle around the two fighting girls.

"Oh… This can't be good!" Quistis exclaimed as they advanced on her.


Astatine cackled gleefully as she looked at her handy-work. The current President of Delling City made a wonderful statue for her first attempt. The shocked expression on his handsome face added to the charm of it. "I'm a super cool genius! Next I'll have to find Zell and turn him into a frog!" Not very original, is she?

"Aaaaaaahhh!!!" came a girlish shriek from behind. Astatine spun around, expecting to see Rinoa or possibly Quistis.

"Zell?" Astatine growled. "You betrayed me!"

Zell immediately prostrated himself in front of her. "Please take pity on me, even though I'm worthless! Please! Don't turn me into stone…or a frog! Or anything other than the worthless creature before you!"

"Someone needs to take some self-esteem pills!" Astatine observed. "Ohh… You're just too pitiful to turn into something decent!"

Zell looked up hopefully. "Does that mean you'll take me back as your knight, even though I deserve to die rather than breathe the same air as you?"

Astatine frowned a little. "First, we'll have to get you some super cool new clothes so that you can look like a knight… I'll also have to make you more obedient so you don't run away to the SeeDs again…"

"Yes! Yes! Anything you say!" Zell agreed hopefully.

"I think the whole worthless thing is super cool," she giggled, clapping her hands together excitedly. She heard some sounds of movement to her right and spun in that direction to see four of her followers dragging an unconscious Rinoa and Quistis in.

"Ohhh! More captives! Put them with Sir Laguna; they can keep him company. He gets awfully lonely when I'm bummer not with him!" Little did she know that he, in fact, loved the times when she was gone…


Laguna was very busy. He counted seven in all. But that couldn't be right, could it? There was the same amount on each, so it should be an even number! He grumbled and began the laborious task of counting over. Eleven. Odd again! In his deranged state he seriously considered gnawing one off so that it would be an odd number! But he knew it would not only hurt, but it would hamper a future escape plan. There was a reason he had as many as he did…he just couldn't remember what it was, let alone how many he had.

There was a groan from one of the corners in his small room. Laguna glanced over to see which one it was. The dark-haired one. She and the blonde one had been dumped in with him not too long before. Great, he thought, now I have to stop my investigation because of her!

She sat up, holding her head painfully. "Wh-where…?" she mumbled in confusion.

"Hell. Definitely Hell," Laguna replied. "Or home, depending on your true nature!"

"My… true nature?" She crinkled her nose up in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"I didn't say anything!" Laguna replied.

"What? Yes you did!" she protested.

"Anyway, I've never talked to you in my life! Who are you?"

"You know me! Rinoa Heartilly!"

"Well… I did know someone named Heartilly… But you're definitely not her. She's dead."

"That's my mother, idiot!"

"Who's your mother?" Laguna asked, wondering what the mad girl was talking about. Blow to her head must have damaged something important.

"Wh-What is wrong with you?"

At this time, the blonde regained consciousness. "Ugh… What happened?" she groaned.

"Laguna's acting weird… We're thrown in with an insane person!" the dark-haired one exclaimed.

"He's insane?? You're the insane one!"

"Me? How am I insane??" the dark-haired one demanded, utterly confused.

"Hmph. You're a sorceress, of course. All of them are insane!"

"Edea wasn't insane, and neither am I!"

"Look at who Edea married! And you could possibly be dating your half-brother; that's insane!" the blonde-haired girl shot back smugly.

"What!?! You're the insane one! These are just insane ramblings of jealousy!"

"Hmph. You're just afraid to admit the truth!"

"Fine! Best two out of three! Whoever wins this fight…"

"Sounds good to me, because I have no intention of losing to the likes of you!"

They began advancing towards one another and Laguna decided that enough was enough; he was sick of the two. He thrust his feet out. The girls were too preoccupied with one another to notice his feet in their paths, though, and both tripped over him. On the way down the two heads collided with a loud thump and they fell to the ground in an unconscious heap.

"Well. That solves that little problem," Laguna mumbled to himself. First they had the nerve to intrude on me, then the nerve to argue with me, then fight?!?! Definitely gave them what they deserved!

Laguna looked down at his feet and frowned. He decided that, with the ways things were going he'd never be done with his investigation. He gave up and put his socks and boots back on, glaring at the unconscious forms of the two girls.

They seem very familiar…especially the dark-haired one. I wonder if we've met before… What'd she say her name was again, anyway?


Note: The president thing… Yes, It's a small spoof off of Final Fantasy VII's lovely President Rufus. At the time I came up with the idea I just couldn't help myself…and I just decided to leave it in.


Go To Chapter 8

Return To FF8 Fanfic